


New Student at Ouran

by aprofessorbhaer



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Ableism, Ableist Language, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Aprons, Arguing, Baking, Blood, Brownies, Bullying, Coercion, Common Cold, Crossdressing, Crying, Cuties, Depression, Derogatory Language, Embarrassment, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Exposure, Family, Fashion & Couture, Foreign Language, Gen, High School, Hurt/Comfort, Innuendo, Insecurity, Insomnia, Japanese Character(s), LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Female Character, LGBTQ Themes, Language, Medication, Menstruation, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mild Language, Napping, Nightmares, Non-Consensual Touching, Panic Attacks, Paranoia, Passive-aggression, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Queer Character, Queer Themes, Queer Youth, Rain, References to Depression, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sharing a Bed, Sneaking Out, Social Anxiety, Spooning, Stuttering, Swearing, Undressing, Wet Clothing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2018-09-17 21:11:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 46,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9345242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aprofessorbhaer/pseuds/aprofessorbhaer
Summary: A new student transfers to Ouran High School, and through sheer dumb luck, falls into the lap of the Host Club. Over time, she gets to know the group, and begins to like them, though she fears they may drop her if they know the truth about what goes on in her head. However, friendship (especially with Mori, Honey, and Haruhi) shows Anne that maybe they will accept her after all.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first AO3 work, so I'm still getting used to everything. Please bear with me :) My url is the same as my Tumblr, so please come check me out! (The formatting tends to be better over there because I'm more familiar with it.)

I ran out of the rain, ducking into the hallway. _Nice_ , I thought, smoothing down my damp dress. _There goes my new uniform on my first day of classes. Mom is not gonna be happy._ I shrugged to myself; good thing I was super early. No one else around to see.

At that I looked up, taking in my surroundings without rain to obscure them. _Yup. Just as opulent as when I came to register._ Proceeding to walk down the hallway, I swept my gaze back and forth, taking in the campus for the second time. Now I could be more leisurely: no paperwork to fill out. I decided that exploration would be the reward for my premature arrival, and I was definitely gonna indulge.

Making my way through the school, ambling aimlessly (and starting to shiver in the dress that I was discovering had become soaked through), I found myself in front of a closed door. The sign above it said “Music Room #3”.

_Well,_ I thought. _Dr. King did say take three small risks this week. What are the chances anyone will be in this particular room this early? Anyway, it’d probably be a good idea to get a feel for Ouran’s music program._

Thinking that, I bravely turned the handle…and opened the door a smidge. Seeing no one through the small gap, I widened it and stepped through, closing the door softly behind me. Looking around, I saw…people. _Shit. This definitely entails more than three risks._

“You’re early,” a voice said. I looked up from my feet, which is where my gaze usually went when I didn’t know what to do. It seemed that it was a tall boy with straight black hair and glasses had spoken. “Come back in ten minutes when we officially open, please.”

“Umm, I’m sorry. I thought this was a music room, and I just wanted to see what it was like, ‘cuz I might join a music group while I’m here…” I babbled, not sure what I had gotten myself into as I focused on the boy who had spoken.

“Wait!!” I heard someone exclaim dramatically. I would’ve tried finding the person in the room, except that said person suddenly appeared right in front of me. I took an instinctual step backward. “Are you telling me,” this person continued, staring into my eyes rather uncomfortably, “that you don’t know what this room is for!?!”

I could feel myself starting to blush, because he was **fine** : tall, with blonde hair falling in his shockingly purple eyes. Keeping my eyes on his, like Dr. King had urged, I took a deep breath and tried to sound confident as I said “I’m guessing the answer isn’t music, then?”

At that, I felt two weights, one on each shoulder, descend on me. Unused to the proximity, I continued looking forward as I heard a voice on my right say “I like this girl.” A strikingly similar voice to my left said like an end to the statement “She’s got a sense of humor”.

Finally chancing a glance, I was startled to see a very close face when I looked to my right. I flinched and ducked out from under what I now realized had been two more boys, one on either side of me. I backed up to the door, taking in two identical gingers with mischievous smiles. 

With the door handles digging into my back, I started really getting anxious. Here I was, in a room full of unfairly good-looking strangers, four by my latest count, with no one to ask for help if something went down. _Maybe this plan of mine wasn’t such a good idea_ , I mused. 

“Tamaki, Hikaru, Karou,” said the boy who had first spoken. “You’re obviously making Miss Randall uncomfortable. I think it would be wise to tone down your approach.”

Somehow I managed, “I concur with Glasses’ assessment”.

“Apologies, Miss Randall. I am Ootori Kyoya. The dramatic blonde in front of you is Suoh Tamaki, and the twins are Hitachiin Hikaru and Karou.” He said all this while looking down at a black book he was writing in. Closing it, he gestured next to him, “You haven’t met Fujioka Haruhi, Haninozuka Mitsukuni, called Honey, or Morinozuka Takashi, called Mori.” 

I looked where he indicated, seeing an even taller boy with black hair, and…a very short boy with light brownish-blonde hair on his back. A shortish boy with brown hair and big brown eyes stood next to him. The little boy waved excitedly, while his tall companion merely stared and the other boy smiled at me. I waved weakly back.

“It’s nice to meet all of you,” I said, feeling somewhat more at ease. They wouldn’t tell me their names if they were planning on hurting me, right? ‘Course, only one volunteered them…and he could be lying…

I tried to snap out of it. Senior year would NOT be fun if I assumed those things. I had no grounds for them. _Yeah. That’s it._

Returning to the situation at hand, I realized with embarrassment that the boys seemed to be waiting for me to say something more. Because they were all staring. For some reason, the twins were focused on my dress, but I didn’t have the brainpower to divert any of my attention from what I was about to do: speak. 

Blushing, I stared at the floor. “I’m Anne Randall.” Stuttering, I corrected myself, “I m-mean, Randall Anne.” _Nice going, Anne. Real smooth._ “But you already seem to know that,” trying for humor to distract from my slip-up.

Of course, it was the twins who mentioned it anyway. I hardly knew these people, and I already had the feeling that this was typical behavior. “Why did you say your name like that?” they said in unison. _Neat trick._

Before I could answer (and I didn’t even know what I would say), Kyoya interjected. “Miss Randall is originally from America, though her parents moved to Japan when she was three years old. They are both art dealers, which is coincidentally how they met, and they specialize in early Japanese artifacts. This also explains Miss Randall’s overall mastery of the Japanese language, though none of her family are native.”

After this speech, I looked at Kyoya, slightly impressed, incredulous, and also kinda peeved. In what I hoped was a joking tone, I said “Anything else?” I was curious, but also apprehensive.

Giving me a rather cutting look, he replied (while maintaining eye contact) “She is a third year transfer to Ouran Academy as a favor to her parents from a very grateful and wealthy client. She has a twin brother who graduated a year early from high school and is now attending a top digital design university. She is undecided on her post-high school plans herself, but knows she wants to be a writer.”

“Yup,” I said, rather put out but refusing to analyze why. “That’s all true. Nice work.” There was some information he had left out that I wondered about, but I decided to take that as a gracious mercy. As I looked down in discomfort caused by being the center of attention for (count them) seven handsome men, I realized that I was still wearing my wet dress. 

Which was leaving very little to the imagination. _Double shit._ I crossed my arms in front of my chest, affording a little protection. _No wonder the twins were staring. How did any of these people take me seriously? How were they being so courteous? I was practically naked! There goes any hope of salvaging this train wreck of a first impression._

I could feel myself flushing bright red, my face getting hot. My heart pounding, I tried to think about what Dr. King said to do in an embarrassing situation. I knew what I wanted to do: turn and run. But that wouldn’t solve my big, yellow, dripping problem. And Kyoya made it sound like more people would be coming soon. Which meant more witnesses.

So instead, taking a deep breath, I looked up and addressed Kyoya, since he seemed to be in charge. My voice was steady despite my red face when I said “I know I’m not here for whatever this place is actually for, but I can please have a change of clothes? Mine are obviously soaked through and it’s getting kinda uncomfortable.” I didn’t want to draw more attention to it, but I don’t think I could make it more obvious than it already was.

“I’m afraid we have no female uniforms. As you can see,” here Kyoya gestured grandly again, indicating the room at large, “we none of us are female” in a tone gently implying that either my brain or my eyes were suspect in quality.

_Well, obviously._ Losing some of my nerves in my irritation at being made more of a fool, I said “Then it’s a good thing I didn’t ask for female clothes, isn’t it? I’ll take whatever fits me, thanks. I’m just amazed you have clothing that actually possesses its own gender! Now that’s impressive.” 

I put my hands on my hips, feigning interest. “How did you accomplish it?” I snapped my fingers like I had just thought of something. “I bet it cost a lot of money, didn’t it?”

Kyoya merely glinted his glasses at my sass. “Quite”.

At this, the blonde (Tama-something?) stepped forward again and bowed to me, saying “Kyoya-kun, you’ve obviously offended our lovely flower! She is right! I must help this damsel in distress! It is my duty as the King of the Host Club!” 

He reached for my hand, probably to kiss it or some other grand gesture. However, I drew back my hands, not looking forward to more physical contact on what was becoming an overwhelming morning.

The boy with the brown hair who was a few inches shorter than I was stepped forward then, replacing the blonde, who seemed to be…curled up in a corner? _Weird._ “Here, I’ll take you to our supply closet. It should have something we can use.”

“Thank you…” I trailed off, grateful but unsure which name I should attribute to my new friend.

Thankfully, He seemed to get it. “Haruhi,” he supplied.

I repeated his name, smiling and following him to the back of the room, trying not to look at the other boys I passed as I felt them watch me.


	2. Panic Attack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After her meet-cute with the general Host Club, Anne becomes better acquainted with individual members.

Once we had opened the closet door, Haruhi started rummaging through stacks of clothes, keeping the door open and therefore leaving me to feel as if my every movement was being watched by the others in the room. 

I would have suggested we close the door behind us, because it was definitely spacious enough, but I could see no light source and I didn’t want to run the risk that my request would be denied on such…logical grounds. Instead, I just tried and largely failed to ignore my paranoia and focus on Haruhi instead.

He straightened up, turning to me and holding out a folded pile of clothes. I took it, as he said, “Luckily, it looks like one of the twins left a spare uniform in here. I would offer one of my own but,” at this he looked up at me, highlighting the half-foot of difference in our heights, “I don’t think they’d fit.” He half-smiled then, as if he knew I wasn’t thrilled to be using something that belonged to those ginger devils.

_This dude is perceptive. He’d be a great friend. Better avoid interacting with him too much._ I smiled back at him, mentally trying to figure out where I could change. Haruhi started walking toward a curtained corner of the room. Drawing the curtain back, he revealed…musical instruments. _So that’s where they are._

“You can change over here. I’ll stand outside.” _Yup. Definitely clairvoyant._ He stood to the side. I walked by him, closing the curtain and just standing still for a few seconds, trying to gather my rioting thoughts. 

_If I really wanted protection, I bet that tall guy with the really short one (what was his name? Takashi, I think. No, Mori…?) would be best. He looks lethal. ‘Course, that also means I wouldn’t be able to take him, if something happened. I bet I could take Haruhi…_

I shook my head, chastising myself for evaluating my only friend as a potential threat. _I have no reason to think he means me harm. So I might as well behave as if he doesn’t. Otherwise, this school is gonna be hell._

Laying the new uniform on top of the timpani drum in front of me, I quickly brought my dress up over my head and draped it on the bells nearby. Feeling my bra, I realized that it, too, was damp. _Now, I can either wear it and risk staining the new uniform, rendering it useless, really, or take it off…and hope for the best as it dries._

Sighing, I unclipped it and laid it on top of my dress, quickly putting on the white button-down, then the black pants, after I took off my black shoes and white tights. Standing there, it was true that the pants and sleeves were slightly too long, but it was manageable. _Geez, are these tailored?! I’m nearly their height, for crying out loud! It should really fit better._

Shaking my head, I decided to forgo the tie and jacket, since I was just waiting for my dress to dry. I rolled up my sleeves, undid my braid, then shook my hair out and put it back in a ponytail. _There. I should be semi-presentable now._

With that thought and a deep breath to steady me, I drew the curtain back. Haruhi turned around to face me. He smiled.

“Thanks,” I said, referring not just to his standing guard, but also his help in general. He seemed to get this, nodding. I started walking back to the middle of the room. The other boys had taken seats around tables set with tea and cakes. They seem to be waiting for something.

I headed to where the twins were, figuring I owed them for my current clothed state. I stopped in front of them, and they looked up at me expectantly, with a glint in their eyes.

Steeling myself, I said “It’s thanks to you that I can wait for my dress to dry in relative comfort. So, thanks.” I looked down at my bare feet, losing my nerve, waiting for their response.

“Well, of course, Anne-senpai. We couldn’t leave a damsel like you in such…immodest clothing.” Looking up, I glared at the twin who had spoken. _How did he know I had hated being called a damsel?_

Smirking knowingly, the other added “Of course, we enjoy seeing you in our clothes. Even though your previous outfit was…enjoyable, in its own way.” They both snickered at my stormy expression, obviously happy with my reaction.

Recognizing that if I spoke, it would definitely not be something my parents approved of, I turned on my heel, heading over to Kyoya. He didn’t look up from what he was typing on his laptop, not that I expected him to. _How do I know that about him?_

“I’ve hung up my clothes to dry. I’ll retrieve them before classes start, and return my borrowed clothes after I have cleaned them. I thought you’d appreciate that.” Not waiting for his answer, I approached the door. Turning back to the room, I looked at the floor as I said “it was nice to meet all of you. Excuse me.”

Bowing, I turned and had planned to exit, maybe for a restroom nearby where I could exist in peace. Alone. Of course, that couldn’t happen. That’d be too smooth for me. Instead, as I reached for the handle, the door opened, and I stepped back. 

In front of me stood a girl I could only describe as regal. She had deep red hair, clear pale skin, and a look in her eyes that said ‘make way for me’. She stood there, looking me up and down, taking in my appearance, from my bare feet to my damp, crimped hair. 

I tried to head off the new interaction I could see coming, bowing as I said “excuse me” again and tried to telegraph that I wanted to get to the door behind her. She just stayed put, her eyes telling me ‘I see what you want. But that’s not what I want. So it’s not gonna happen.’

_You’re having conversations in your head again, Anne. Focus on the present situation so you can GET OUT OF IT._ Maintaining eye contact with the girl, I said clearly “I’d like to get by, please.”

Lips curling up in a cold smile, the girl merely said “Tamaki-sama, I didn’t realize the twins had a new plaything. The clothes obviously must be theirs, for she is their size. Is this little foreign crossdresser possibly a new host?” 

She tilted her head like she about to say something humorous. “You’re surely lowering your standards. Especially if you think she can pass as a man.” At this, she pointedly looked at my braless chest.

_Fudge, I totally forgot the suffixes! But I can’t recall them right now. No help for it, I guess. At least I have the excuse of being a ‘foreigner’._ Trying to calm my pounding heart under her scrutiny, I interjected “Actually, I’m just borrowing these clothes while my dress dries from the rain. I plan to return them as soon as I can. Now if you don’t mind—“

“Oh, but I do! You’re obviously a friend of the club’s, so I want to get to know you.” She did not seem happy that I had responded myself, and her expression was more appropriate for viewing an insect than a prospective friend.

I was trying frantically to think of a way to get out of here when I felt someone put their hands on my shoulders. Looking back, I saw the blonde (Tamaki?). 

“Of course, Princess Ayanokiji! Your prince lives to serve!” With that, he started steering me towards one of the couches, chattering on about how we would all be fast friends.

I could feel my chest tightening as we walked. _What’s happening?_ My heart was racing, pulse pounding in my ears. Then I realized. _Oh, no. Not here, not now. They’re not even part of my diagnosis!_ I tried to swallow around the lump in my throat, but the obstruction remained.

Ducking out from the second unwelcome embrace of the morning, I turned to Tamaki. Trying to keep my panic out of my voice, I said “Actually, I have to use the restroom. Pardon me!” With that, I ran out past the girl, who had thankfully moved by that time. Slamming the door behind me, I took off back the way I’d come, looking for a safe place to land. Soon I’d be incapacitated.

As I ran I was aware of other girls, going the opposite way. Passing them, I heard exclamations and comments on the oddity of my flight, but I paid no heed. I felt pain start to bloom in my chest as I slowed down. Stumbling, I collapsed onto some sort of bench, breathing heavily, head aching, curling in on myself. 

Time kinda lost its meaning as I waited for the panic attack to subside. _I have no coping strategies. This was supposed to be the one type of anxiety I didn’t have! What will Dr. King say if I tell her? Will she start doubting me? I would. New symptoms popping up left and right; there’s only so much one person can believe. But…I still have to tell her. I promised Mom and Dad I would be as honest as possible so I could the most out of my psychiatric treatment._

I guess I sorta got lost in my thoughts at this point, because the next thing I knew, a bell was ringing and the campus was fully populated. Getting up, my legs felt shaky, and I gingerly stretched to work out the kinks I got from my awkward position.

I started back towards the school, but looking down at myself, I realized I was still wearing the uniform from Music Room #3. _Fudge. Now I need to either hurry back for my dress…or go to class like this. Yeah, I can’t go to class without a bra, socks, shoes, a tie, or a jacket. Music Room #3 it is._

Not running, but definitely walking briskly, I returned to the room. By now, the hallways were emptying, and I realized that I would probably be late to class. _Today is just full of great first impressions._ Sighing, I opened the door. No one seemed to be in, thankfully, so I breathed a sigh of relief and headed towards the corner where I had hung my clothes. Drawing back the curtain, a sight met my eyes that didn’t compute at first. Blinking, I realized…my clothes were gone. In their place, hung a blue blazer and a black tie. On the drum before me lay a piece of paper. Stepping forward, I picked it up and read:

**If you want to be one of the boys so badly, I’m not going to stop you. In fact, as proof of the friendship I offered when you so rudely took your leave, I leave you the rest of your outfit. Have fun ;)**

I reread the note, not wanting to believe it. Then, in a daze, I put on the jacket and tie, for some reason feeling numb rather than super sensitive. Maybe the panic attack had taken too much of my energy. Maybe I was in shock after the turmoil of the morning. 

Regardless of the reason, I made my way to my first class as if in a dream. Thankfully, I had taken the principal up on her offer of a tour when I registered. When I arrived at the classroom, I opened the door and interrupted the teacher mid-lecture. 

She wasn’t fazed, chastising me for my tardiness, and directing me to sit by someone named Morinozuka. That name sounded vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t place it until I had taken my seat and looked next to me in curiosity.

Immediately, I faced forward again, a blush bleeding through my haze. Of course the giant from the music room would be in my year. Of course he would sit next to me. I had even seen the little boy in my cursory glance.

_How is he a third year? I mean, I guess appearances can be deceiving. I should know that._ I smiled bitterly to myself. Recognizing this to be a dangerous train of thought, I followed Dr. King’s suggestion to focus on something else, and tried to listen to what the teacher was saying. 

Of course, it was only then that I realized in my haste this morning I had forgotten my bag, and therefore all of my school supplies. _Careless. Stupid. Off to a really good start at this school._ Setting my jaw, I prepared to muddle through until lunch…when I remembered I no longer had a lunch. _Good thing Mom made me eat breakfast today._

As the bell for lunch rang, and everyone around me left, I tried to figure out what I should do next. One: I could call home using my emergency cell (thank goodness I had remembered that!) and tell my parents what had happened. Ideally, they could bring me my bag, lunch, and another uniform…but that would require telling them what had happened. How much would I tell them? 

_If I mention the panic attack or the prank…they might take me out of school. They wanted to homeschool me, and if they think this is too much, they’ll take me out for my own good._

_Well, that’s out. I don’t want to stop before I’ve even started. Two: I do nothing. I pass the day as I’ve been doing, and when I get home, I hope that they don’t notice that I’m in different clothes than when I left._

_Tempting, but it’s unlikely they won’t notice. And I don’t want to give them more to worry about. Three: I go looking for my clothes, at the scene of the crime, and hope for the best._

_Can’t really do anything else, I guess. I’ve got time to kill and maybe whoever left the note just took advantage of the fact that someone else had moved it. In fact, I wouldn’t put it past those twins…_

Thinking such unpleasant thoughts, I didn’t notice that two people were still in the room, and had maybe even been waiting up for me. As I neared the door, I heard a young voice behind me calling my name. Turning around, I felt my stomach plummet, joining my cold bare feet on the polished floor.

In front of me was Morinozuka, with the boy from the music room on his shoulders. As they approached me, I had to lean back in order to maintain eye contact with the little speaker. “Yes, Haninozuka-san?” _Wow, I remembered his name! Go me._

“You can call me Honey, Anne! Everyone else does!” Then he pointed to his tall counterpart. “And you can call him Mori. Right, Takashi?”

“Yeah.” _Wow. Talk about a man of few words. Actually, I can work with that._

“All right, Honey-san. As you wish.”

“Just –kun is fine. We’re friends, right?” he looked at me with big pleading eyes.

_Darn my maternal instincts._ “Of course, Honey-kun. If you’d like.”

“Yay! So can I call you Annie-chan? If we’re friends?” Still with those puppy dog eyes, dang it.

I smiled. “Sure thing.”

A huge smile spread across Honey’s face, then faded as something seemed to occur to him. “Annie-chan, why are you still in those clothes?”

“Mitsukuni.” It was only one word, but it managed to still sound like a reprimand, as if Mori didn’t think it was polite to point out my…situation. _Yeah, I’m definitely reading too much into that._

Touched all the same, I said “It’s cool, Mori-san.” Then addressing Honey, “I’m still wearing these clothes because when I went back to the music room before class, I couldn’t find my uniform.” No need to tell them I suspected they had been taken. Or by whom. And I couldn’t really lie to them because they knew I had been late to class.

“Oh.” Honey seemed to ponder my answer, then brightened. “Then Takashi and I will just have to help you look!”

_Okay, that was NOT what I was expecting._ “What? N-no, Honey-kun, that’s n-not necessary. It’s lunchtime, and I’m sure you two have to eat, I don’t wanna impose…” I rambled on, nervous about being around these fine specimens for an extended period of time.

“You have to eat too, Annie-chan! Anyway, we eat lunch with the Host Club, so it’s super convenient!” Honey seemed determined to include me, for some reason.

In a last-ditch effort to avoid more attractive human interaction, I blurted out “I forgot my lunch. I don’t have anything to eat.”

Honey looked horrified. “Well, then, it’s settled, Annie-chan! You HAVE TO come with us to the Host Club so you can eat cake with me and Takashi and Usa-chan.” He held up a pink stuffed rabbit that I hadn’t noticed before in the presence of the two boys. _A girl has priorities. Sue me._

I started backing up. My heartbeat was starting to pick up speed again, loud in my ears. “L-look, I don’t have any money with me, and Kyoya-san doesn’t seem like the type to take credit, so…Seriously, I’m not even hungry—“

There I stopped, because suddenly I found myself being held, bridal-style, by none other than the inscrutable Mori. I looked up without thinking about it, and breathed in sharply at his proximity. Looking down at me, he said simply, “You need to eat,” and started towards the door.

“Wait!” I said, frantic. He stopped and looked down at me. “I’ll come with you guys, but I’ll come on my own two feet, okay?” I imagined he looked incredulous. “I’m not a flight risk! I just would rather walk. And even though I don’t really get what a ‘Host Club’ is, I imagine carrying a crossdressing girl in your arms would not be good for your reputation, Mori-san.”

He continued to look at me, and as I avoided his gaze, I threw out one last “please?”

The magic word. After a few more seconds, he let me down. I smoothed down my clothes, more to gather my wits than for actual appearances, and said a rather breathless “thank you”. He grunted in return.

Honey just watched this unfold. 

I started towards the door myself, as the ‘Host Club’ was one of the few places at Ouran I was familiar with. I stopped and turned, waiting for the boys to catch up. Honey looked excited about something. Mori looked impassive. That seemed to be his default setting. 

Honey chatted animatedly about all the different kinds of cake the Host Club had, and asked me my favorites. After confessing I was more of a pie girl (and seeing his crushed expression), I amended that I was however partial to most chocolate products. 

That set him going again, and I briefly wondered if they had anything to counter the effect of so much sugar. I had seen tea things on my previous visit, but unless they had decaf, I figured that wouldn’t be a good idea. Of course, it was the middle of the day, and I was already feeling drained. Maybe a pick-me-up would be good.

As I thought that, we arrived at our destination. I let Mori open the door, which he did without hesitation. I stood behind him, hoping to go unnoticed.


	3. Secrets Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne runs into some trouble. Yay.

“Ah! Anne-chan! Just who I wanted to see! And still wearing that uniform. Didn’t you say you would return it as soon as possible? I’m sure Kyoya-sama would not appreciate you going back on your word.” _The witch. Great._ I could feel my stomach tying itself in knots. _Well, I guess I don’t have to worry about eating anymore._

Taking a deep breath to steady myself, I replied “I fully intend to keep my word. However, when I returned for my own uniform, it was gone.” I would’ve rather not said that in front of the girls and boys of the Host Club, but if she wanted an audience, I didn’t have the energy to oppose her. 

“Oh, silly Anne-chan. You misplaced your uniform? How careless of you.” The redhead smiled with closed lips, as if she could read the insecurities at the back of my mind, projected for her alone to see.

“I didn’t say I misplaced it. I said it was gone. When I came back, it was not where I left it.” I was rapidly depleting my store of good manners for this girl.

“Why, Anne-chan. Are you suggesting someone at Ouran stole your uniform?” Her incredulous tone made it clear that such things were beneath her fellow students.

“No, I didn’t say that. You did.” As that was bordering on uncivil, I turned to Honey, still on Mori’s shoulders, to change topics. “You mentioned cake, Honey-kun?”

Honey’s face lit up at that, and he exclaimed, “Yes! Yes! Cake with Annie-chan! Takashi, let’s go!” With that, the tall boy made his way over to a table laden with cake…surrounded by girls. The only spaces left were for the two boys.

As I noticed this, the cold girl said “it seems there is no room for Anne-chan. How unfortunate. Of course, she did make Honey-sama and Mori-sama late, and I doubt she has an appointment. Why don’t you come over here and sit with me, Anne-chan?” Here she indicated a clear seat across from her. Unfortunately, it was the only free space in the room. _Like she planned this._

Feeling as if I was approaching my own firing squad, I sat down across from her. She then put a large slice of coconut cake in front of me. _How did she manage to give me the one cake I can’t stand?_ Smiling, she said “Here. You seemed to be so excited for cake with Honey-sama. By the way, why do you call him Honey-kun? That hardly seems appropriate.” She eyed me sharply, obviously waiting for an answer.

Trying to swallow what felt like glue on my tongue, I couldn’t think of anything else to say besides “He asked me to.” _Apparently, I’m incapable of lying under pressure. Good to know._ Then, because I was curious, “Why do you call me Anne-chan?”

“Oh, don’t be silly, Anne-chan! Honey-sama calls you the same. We are friends, after all!” She seemed to be waiting for my response.

Taking another bite, because God forbid I appear rude before this girl, I swallowed and said “We met this morning.”

“Ah, but you also met Honey-sama this morning, and you are friends!” Her eyes shone like she believed she had just delivered a checkmate.

I ate more cake to avoid saying more. I could feel it weighing in my gut, a ball of discomfort. I took the tea in front of me to clear my palate, not caring what kind it was, and then tried not to cough at the bitter taste.

As I attempted to clear my throat, she suddenly said “Tell me about yourself, Anne-chan!”

Reluctant to divulge more information than necessary to such a person, I said gruffly (from the tea fiasco) “What would you like to know?”

This seemed to be the opening she was hoping for. “Well, Tamaki-sama already told me about how you are originally from America, though that is quite apparent.” She wrinkled her nose delicately. “He didn’t mention that you are an honor student, so I can guess that you aren’t. Unsurprisingly.” Here she smiles, like she just told me she liked what I did with my hair.

“From what I have seen myself this morning and just now, I can conclude you are trying to ingratiate yourself into the lives of Hikaru, Karou, Honey, and Mori, if not all of the Host Club. I can see that you have no sense of decorum.” She looked pointedly at my chest. Again. _Does this girl have something against boobs? Or maybe she’s a fan._

“What do you think of my analysis, Anne-chan?” She bared her teeth in another chilling smile.

Here I pretended to think, swallowing the cake that I had been eating while she spoke just for something to do. “Well,” I said pensively, “you're right in that I am from America.”

She shook her head like she was disappointed in me. “I should have known someone as lowly as you wouldn’t see this for the mercy it is. I’m only trying to save you the heartbreak of the Host Club’s reaction when they discover what you truly are.” She tilted her head in thought. “I suppose I will just have to show you.”

With that, she stood up and flounced toward Kyoya. At her approach, the boy looked up respectfully. _Well, I knew this would happen eventually. Just didn’t guess it would be at lunch on the first day of school._ I stood, hoping to minimize the damage through some kind of interference.

However, as I started over, I heard her voice carry clearly over the hum of conversation in the room. “Kyoya-sama, I wish to lodge a complaint. I demand that Randall Anne be removed and banned immediately.” Kyoya looked past her, to where I had leaned against the wall, hands in my pockets, awaiting my sentence.

“You seemed so friendly earlier, Ayanokiji-san. Did something happen? She appears to be a personal friend of Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai. And the purpose of this club is to make women, such as her, happy.” _I’m starting to like that unpredictable man. So sassy._

Ayanokiji scoffed daintily. “That may be true for paying customers, which she is not, as I understand.”

“She’s a friend of ours, it’s true! And friends don’t have to pay if we say so! Right, Takashi?”

“Yeah.”

Ayanokiji seemed as shocked as I was that both Honey and Mori piped up in my defense. She recovered quickly, though, and refocusing on Kyoya, she said in a tone of distress “She wouldn’t be welcome here, if you knew what I know.” She sniffled. _Obviously so distraught._

Kyoya’s glasses glinted, making me nervous. “Oh? What is it that you know and I don’t?” _Oooh, so Mr. Sassy doesn’t like being out of the loop? Good to know._

“How it is that she came to be here at Ouran Academy.”  
“I am aware of the particulars.”

“Even the details that her parents are not aware of?”

“Ayanokiji-san—“

“That THING is unstable and I refuse to put myself in danger by allowing it into our beloved club!” Ayanokiji said passionately.

Kyoya didn’t say anything, which made me aware for the first time that the rest of the room was dead quiet. 

Breaking the silence, Tamaki addressed me saying “Anne-senpai, what is she talking about?”

“I’m not quite sure,” I said truthfully. This wasn’t really going the way I expected.

Ayanokiji looked at me as if I was drooling on myself. “Don’t you wonder how YOU of all people got into such a prestigious academy? It definitely wasn’t academic excellence, or talent. Or belonging to a good family.”

I could feel myself go cold with dread as I anticipated that something very bad was about to happen.

“I am already aware that a wealthy client of Anne-senpai’s parents sponsored her as a token of their gratitude.” _Why is Kyoya trying to head off whatever this is? Why does he care?_

“Yes, but how did the client justify his choice to the school? How did he convince them to take little Anne-chan?” She spit out the pet name. Not waiting for anyone else, she answered herself: “Anne-chan here is our first representative of both the disabled and mentally ill communities. Congratulations.” She addressed the last part to me, mock curtseying.

The room was silent, until Kyoya said “And what do you have to say to Ayanokiji-san’s accusations, Anne-senpai?”

Everyone was looking at me, but for once, I wasn’t trapped by their gazes. I was floating, disconnected from the whole fiasco. _Disassociation is probably not a good sign._ With difficulty, I refocused on Kyoya. _He deserves an explanation as to why his club is being disrupted by the strange new girl._

“It is true that I am mentally ill, and that this qualifies me as disabled. However, I am not a danger to myself, or anyone else, and I’m sure if I was considered unstable by the experts trained in such matters, I would not be allowed to attend any school. Including Ouran.” 

_Screw lying about this. I lie so much already. Might as well be forthright. It’s not like she’ll keep it to herself, anyway. At least this way I have some control._ Pushing off the wall, I stood in front of Kyoya. “I apologize for disrupting your activities. I will, of course, leave, because I have no wish to be around someone who fears I will do them harm.” 

I glanced at Ayanokiji when I said that, then bowed to Kyoya and headed for the door. As my hand rested on the handle, I heard Honey’s voice ring out “But, Annie-chan! We never got to have our cake!”

Looking over my shoulder at his disappointed face, I smiled and said, “We’ll do it another time, Honey-kun. Okay? When you’re not busy.” My gaze flicked to his admirers. “Good bye.” With that, I left.


	4. Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honey and Mori take an interest in Anne.

The rest of the day passed in a blur. I was so out of it, I wasn’t even uncomfortable when most of my classes put me next to Honey and Mori. Neither tried to talk to me, or if they did, I didn’t notice. _At least now I know why the teachers are so accommodating. No introductions needed. They were briefed concerning their new crazy student._

Then the last class ended, and as I was waiting for everyone else to leave ahead of me, I felt a tug on my jacket sleeve. I looked over, and was met with the wide pleading eyes of Honey. “Annie-chan?” he asked, with some trepidation.

“Yes, Honey-kun?” I said, hoping my smile was putting him at ease.

He seemed to gather more courage as he said “Can we have our cake now?”

I was startled into laughing. _One-track mind._ “Honey-kun, school is over for the day. It’s time to go home.” _I thought **I** was the new kid here._

“Not for the Host Club, Annie-chan! We stay! And Takashi and I are free!”

“I somehow doubt that, Honey-kun. You two were pretty busy at lunch. You didn’t clear your schedule for me, did you?” At his guilty look, I pressed “Does Kyoya-san know that you cleared your schedule?”

When Honey managed to look guilty and pleading at the same time, I said firmly “Honey-kun, I will not cause him any more trouble than I already have. Not today.” _Not ever._ When it looked like Honey was going to argue, I said “I will not hurt his business by being present, nor will I take the place of the women who have actually spent money to spend time with you two.” 

When the little third year looked close to tears, I added “I will, however, join you for cake after Host Club hours. If you’d like. And if Kyoya-san is okay with us using the space. How does that sound, Honey-kun?”

Honey brightened, but then said “What will you do until then, Annie-chan?”

I stopped and considered it. _He’s right. What can I do?_ “I’ll call my parents to tell them I’ll be late.” _Yeah, that’s true._ “Then I’ll probably take a nap.” _Actually, that sounds really good._

“You’re gonna take a nap?” _Oh, shoot. High-schoolers don’t do that, do they? Shoot._ “I take naps, too!” _Oh. Right. Cool._ “Takashi, Annie-chan takes naps, just like me! Isn’t that cool?”

“Yeah.”

“What do you do for your naps, Honey-kun?” I said, hoping to keep the focus on him.

“Let me show you.” _Okay, now he looks like the twins. How is that even possible? Is he plotting somethi—_

My thought was cut off as, for the second time that day, my feet left the ground without my consent. “Mori-san! Put me down! Not again…” I trailed off, lacking the energy to continue protesting.

“You asked me what I do, Annie-chan! Takashi carries me to my couch in the Host Club, and—“

“No! Honey-kun, you know I can’t go back to the Host Club yet! Not until everyone else is gone!” I pleaded with him, trying to get him to see why I can’t be there.

“Why not, Annie-chan?” Honey looked genuinely confused. _How does he not get it?_

Feeling a burning need to dispel the tension that had appeared around us, I appealed to the pair of arms carrying me, saying “Tell him, Mori-san!” It was no surprise when he said nothing, just looked at my face, his own giving nothing away.

I sighed. _Yeah, didn’t think that would work._ “Honey-kun, I’m not welcome there.” _Best to keep it simple._

“That’s not true, Annie-chan! I want you there, and so does Takashi. Right, Takashi?”

“Yeah.”

I narrowed my eyes at Mori, slightly miffed that he responded to Honey and not me. I was really just playing, though. It only made sense. They were obviously close. And I was some new person that Honey had apparently decided deserved to become part of the Host Club family. _You’ll probably regret that._

“Honey-kun, you heard what Ayanokiji-san said. You know which parts I said were true. You saw how Kyoya reacted. Or, more accurately, didn’t react! I don’t belong in that club, Honey-kun. I only found it by accident, anyway. I’ll just bring it down.”

I didn’t mean to be so hard on myself when I explained the situation to Honey, but I also didn’t think anything I had said was untrue.

Sounding oddly serious, Honey said “I may have seen that, Annie-chan, but what you **didn’t** see was Tama-chan banishing her from the club.” I craned my neck to see him, not believing my ears. 

“What? Why would he do that? That doesn’t make any sense. He doesn’t even know me. And I wasn’t exactly nice to him the few times we interacted.”

Honey looked at me with sad eyes. I wished I knew what I had done so I could keep him from looking like that. “He was impressed with how you handled yourself. Not backing down; speaking the truth. And Kyoya pointed out that however Ayanokiji found out, it was private information and therefore she could be in legal trouble.” Honey looked down as he continued “It also seems she’s been not nice to Haru-chan, as well.”

“Well, that’s not cool,” I said, thinking of the helpful boy. “He’s a great guy.”

By now, we had arrived at the Host Club. “Okay, put me down now,” I said, looking expectantly at Mori. When he didn’t move, I threatened “I **will** scream.” He put me down.

_Did I just hallucinate, or did his mouth twitch? Like, a smile twitch?_ Back on my own two feet, I addressed the two boys, trying to give them a final out. “Look, I appreciate what you’re doing, but you don’t even know what I have! Doesn’t that bother you?” I looked at them expectantly, sure that they would finally realize I was bad news.

“Nope,” said Honey, not skipping a beat. “And Takashi agrees with me, right, Takashi?”

“Yeah.”  
“Are you sure, Mori-san?” I asked. I didn’t want to imply I didn’t trust Honey, but I wanted to hear something more definite from the quiet giant.

He nodded. Barely. _Okay. Fair enough. Here goes._


	5. Notes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who even writes notes anymore?

_I hate alarms. They should be banned,_ I thought as I turned over to switch it off. Once that was done, I laid back on my back, staring at my bedroom ceiling. I took stock of my body. 

The first day of school had been anxiety-ridden, it’s true. Yet that had also meant I hadn’t been bothered by…other things that became prominent when my anxiety was dormant. I didn’t feel especially keyed up this morning, but a familiar sensation lurked in my limbs, in my bones.

I sighed internally. I knew it wouldn’t last forever; I was overdue for a bad day, anyway. _Dr. King did say it was cyclical. And my medication will need time to take full effect._ Pushing past the fatigue I felt despite my sleep, ignoring the voice telling me that I’d feel so much better if I simply slept the day away, I flipped my covers off and swung my legs over the side of my bed.

_If I slept the day away, I would just feel weak from malnourishment and guilty at wasting a day. Not to mention worrying Mom and Dad._ I used a firm tone with myself, applying logic to my negative thoughts like Dr. King had taught me.

Swallowing my pill of the day with the help of my bedside water bottle, I shuffled over to my closet, staring as if I could will more options to appear. When that didn’t work, I sighed and took out one of the yellow dresses I was doomed to wear. Laying it out on my bed, I contemplated what I could possibly do to solve my problem:

It had been two weeks since my first day. The first week had been blissfully quiet, with no new pranks after the uniform switch-out. I smiled as my memory took over my mind. After I had called my parents (who were just glad I had met anyone to stay late for) and taken a nap until the end of the Host Club, my new friends had discovered the note from my thief where it had fallen as I slept.

I tried to convince them that I had no proof of who had done the deed, only suspicions, so it wasn’t worth getting worked up about. The boys seemed to listen, but then as I ate sweets with Honey (as promised), I noticed the twins had gone missing. 

I had a feeling Mori wanted to be gone, too, but had stayed to be near Honey. He seemed…not as still as usual. Honey and I were finishing up our refreshments and our discussion of candy versus baked goods when the twins returned, along with Tamaki.

I hadn’t even realized the blonde was gone, and it made me uneasy that he seemed to be even sneakier than Hikaru and Karou when he so desired. The three boys had produced from behind them my various pieces of clothing, and would only say that Ayanokiji-san had been very accommodating after some gentle persuasion. (I suspected Kyoya had something to do with that. He seemed the most devious, for some reason.)

After scolding the twins that I hadn’t wanted any trouble (they protested that it hadn’t been just them, but I pointed out that most trouble could be traced back to them as the source. I think Kyoya was amused, and Tamaki just agreed), I thanked them all and changed back into my original clothes. 

Thankfully, they seemed unscathed, and I returned home (with Honey and Mori, because apparently I needed the protection) in the same clothes I left. Of course, my parents wanted to know how my first day of school had gone (and probably wondered why two good-looking boys had walked me home).

I knew if I had told them about any of the bad things, they would see them as proof that I should’ve been homeschooled. Good thing Dr. King said it was ultimately up to me; if I felt ready, I should do it.

Of course, I didn’t feel ready at all. But I knew I needed to be, if I wanted to function around people at all. Staying home would just make me worse. I’d have nothing else to focus on other than my…illnesses.

But I digress. The problem with my dresses was this: the slit down the back. After the first week, I had gone into the bathroom every day at lunch only to find that someone had cut my dress, and left an accompanying note in my backpack. No matter how close I kept my bag, or how aware I was of my dress (and my focus in class suffered from my vigilance), it happened without fail. My only recourse was to let my hair down, covering the evidence, and hope that would do it. 

I hated wearing my hair down. It would go from being simply straight, to being limp and flat. It had no body, though it was thick enough to cause me ponytail problems. I liked my hair well enough, but I preferred it in a braid. However, I didn’t want anyone to see the problem with my dress. I wouldn’t be surprised if I was written up for dress code violations.

I had a pretty good idea who was behind it, even if she didn’t do it herself. She probably has people for that. But the notes…I could see her frigidity and false friendliness in them.

The first day, the note read:

**I guess Ouran dresses weren’t made for big American girls like you. Such a shame ;P Let me help you out, sweetie**

Looking down at myself, I couldn’t help but agree. That was the beauty of the note. It echoed only what I was already thinking. It was true that my dress was snug on me: it was the biggest size available, but I seemed to be built differently from the other girls around me. I was taller, and wider in the shoulders. The material was taut across my front, making my small chest stand out, as well as my soft stomach. The skirt’s hem came up to maybe an inch below my fingertips, well above my knees, rather than the demure past-the-knee length it was on the other girls.

Looking at myself, I could hear my voice of reason saying that I didn’t look that bad. If the other girls could get away with it, they would probably prefer a dress that hugged their body in such a way. But to me, it just made it obvious that I was different from everyone else. I was a boy’s height but unathletic, skinny but not lean, big but not strong. 

The slit in the back actually **did** help matters because it loosened the hold the dress had on me. I was ashamed to be grateful to the note-writer. For one thing, now I worried about the dress ripping even more. I shrank in on myself, unsure what to do with the note in my hand.

_Should I keep it for evidence of harassment? Just in case…? ‘Course, there’s no way to trace it back to…anyone in particular. It’s typed, not hand-written._ My eyes teared up a bit as I realized that whoever had done it likely had printed it out beforehand, at home. Which meant when I had been blissfully ignorant last week, someone had been looking at me, deciding how best to tear me apart.

_Don’t be so melodramatic._ Blinking the tears back, I tried to think. _What would Dr. King want me to do?_ I straightened up, realizing it was obvious. _She would want me to work through it, then leave it behind._ With that, I crumpled the note up and threw it away in the bathroom trash can.

The note followed me through my thoughts that day, making me self-conscious, but I knew I’d make it through. _One note? I can take it._

It wasn’t just one note. Every succeeding day brought a new slip of paper to cut me:

**It’s too bad you’re not a boy, isn’t it? At least then you wouldn’t stick out so much. No wonder you like crossdressing**

**I wonder why Mori-sama and Honey-sama still bother to walk with you. Do they think you can’t handle yourself at all? Poor thing :,(**

**I understand now. You’re wearing those naughty dresses for them, aren’t you? Sly girl ;D Can’t even choose between them, gotta have them both?**

I thought bringing Mori and Honey into it would be the worst. Then the Friday note came, later than usual. I had even started hoping that it had stopped. Instead, I found:

**Oh, dear, you seem to have misplaced our little correspondences. Here are some more copies, sweetie. We don’t want you to forget our conversations, now, do we? Make sure you keep them close, or I’ll have to start putting them up around school to refresh your memory**

I looked in horror at the stack of notes in my hand, tears pricking my eyes. I had no doubt they would follow through. Hell, they might do it whether I kept the notes or not. Though something told me that they enjoyed keeping it between us.

My breathing started picking up as I felt helplessness wash over me. _Now what? These notes…I can’t keep them with me. They’re already in my head, the thoughts I try to suppress. What do I do?_

But I knew there was only one thing I could do. So I put the notes in my backpack, let down my hair to cover the slit in my dress, and returned to my lunch with Honey and Mori. _Why do they still hang out with me?_ But I didn’t ask, because I was afraid of the answer.

Back to my dress laid out on my bed. Yet again, I decided that I really only had one course of action. So I raided my brother’s closet for a white dress shirt, black tie, black pants, and black dress shoes. He had shot up past me in recent years, so I had to roll up the pant legs and the shirt sleeves. I also had to stuff the toes of his shoes with tissue paper so they’d fit. I had big feet for a girl, but not **that** big.

Standing in front of my mirror, I straightened my outfit, braided my hair, and nodded at my reflection in satisfaction. After returning my dress to its yellow brethren, I headed to the kitchen, for breakfast and the inevitable discussion my clothes would spark.

“Honey, what are you wearing?”

“My uniform, Mom,” I said, trying to act like it wasn’t a big deal as I opened the fridge for milk.

“That’s a boy’s uniform, Sweetie, not yours.”

Biting back my clothes-can’t-be-gendered tirade, I said simply “Mine don’t fit me, Mom,” as I poured the milk over my cereal.

“Now, Honey, that’s ridiculous! You look very cute in your dresses!”

_Yeah, I bet._ “I’m not comfortable in them, Mom. They’re too tight because they’re not made for someone my size.”

“Your size? Honey, you’re just the right size—“

“I know, Mom. But they don’t make me feel that way. And I don’t feel comfortable eating in tight clothes. So today, I’m going to see the principal about switching. I’m sorry. I know the dresses weren’t cheap, but I can use Aidan’s old clothes. See? All I need is a jacket.” I continued munching on my cereal, hoping for a hasty conclusion in my favor.

I could see Mom fighting with herself. She didn’t want me to stop eating, and she was glad to see me take charge…but she felt like she was losing her daughter to a boy.

“This isn’t about me preferring boys’ clothes, Mom. This is about comfort. I’m still the same person.” _Isn’t that scary._

“Well…if you’re sure…and it’ll help you…then I support this.” _She's definitely hoping the principal stops me._

“Thanks, Mom.” With that, I quickly finished up and rinsed my bowl, giving Mom a quick kiss as I headed out the door. “Bye, love you!”

I attracted stares and whispers with my new appearance, but I just let the fog in my mind obscure that. The principal wasn’t happy about it, but she begrudgingly conceded that I couldn’t go around wearing dresses that didn’t fit. _Maybe some of the other girls have complained._ However, she did say that I couldn’t wear the boys’ uniform again until I had a jacket to go with it. 

_Great. How am I going to get that? I can’t ask the Host Club again. They’ve done enough for me already: letting me eat here at lunch, free of charge. Not mentioning my…situation. Hmm…_

A voice broke through my musing. “Annie-chan, why are you sad?” I turned to face Honey, as he looked at me over his cake beseechingly.

I summoned a smile. “I’m not sad, Honey-kun. Just trying to work out a problem.”

He seemed interested. “A problem? What problem? We can help with a problem, right, Takashi?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, it’s not a big deal, Honey-kun,” I said. _No need to burden him with my troubles._

“Does it have to do with what you’re wearing today?” He asked, proving again that he was definitely more observant than one might give him credit for.

I smiled again at his astuteness. “Yeah. My dresses don’t fit, and the principal said I can’t wear the boys’ uniform until I get a jacket.” _And who’s gonna sell a boys’ jacket to a girl?_

The boy looked confused. “Your dresses seemed fine to me, Annie-chan. You were cute, right Takashi?”

“Yeah.”

My smile thinned even as I blushed. “Thanks, you two. But they weren’t made for someone like me, and I’m more comfortable this way.”

Honey seemed troubled, trying to puzzle that out, but then his face cleared as he said “It’s because you’re tall, isn’t it, Annie-chan?”

Internally, I snorted. _This boy is too kind._ “Yeah, that’s it.” _Among other things._

Honey giggled. “Well, I don’t know much about that, but I bet Takashi does, don’t you Takashi?”

“Yeah.”

_As if I have anything in common with someone like Mori._ “Yeah, Mori-san is definitely tall enough that I can believe that.”

Honey’s expressive face became a bit sad. “We’re friends, right, Annie-chan?”

I was startled at the suddenness of the question. “Yes, of course, Honey-kun.” _Why do you ask?_

“Then why do you still call Takashi Mori-san?”

At first I didn’t get it. When I realized, I blushed and looked down at my hands. “Because he hasn’t asked me to call him any different, Honey-kun.”

Honey brightened. “Well, I’m sure he’d like you to call him Mori-kun, right Takashi?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure?” I faced the tall boy, though it was difficult looking at him head-on. I didn’t want him to be pushed into this.

Like before when I had asked him for confirmation, Mori looked me in the eye and gave a small, determined nod.

“Yay! It’s settled, then. Now, why is getting a jacket a problem?”

_Crap. I thought he forgot._ “Because I don’t have one.” _Isn’t it obvious?_

Honey waved that off. “But you used the spare one before. So just use it again, silly.”

I stiffened. “I can’t do that, Honey-kun. That jacket didn’t belong to me, and I’ve already returned it.” _Just like I promised._

Honey pouted at me, then turned in his seat and called out, “Hika-chan! Karou-chan!” _Oh, no. He wouldn’t, would he?_

The twins excused themselves from their customers, and approached. “Yes, Honey-senpai?” _Always with the unison thing._

“Can Annie-chan use your spare jacket? Her dresses don’t fit, and the principal says she needs a jacket if she wants to wear the boys’ uniform.” _He did. He totally did. Fudge._

Both twins cradled their chins in one of their hands, miming deep thought in mirror-image. “I don’t know, Honey-senpai,” one said with a smirk. “We saw her dresses and they looked fine to us,” the other finished, winking at me.

I could feel my face my face heat up. _Great. Now they’re mocking how I look. Again._ “It’s fine, really. I’ll figure something else out.” _Please don’t pursue this._

“Ohhhh, but Annie-senpai, we can’t just leave a damsel like you in need.”

“We must endeavor to help you all we can.”

“Our king commands it.”

“So, you enjoy wearing our clothes, is that it?”

“Kinda kinky, don’t you think? I’m surprised at you, Annie-senpai.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood up. “Excuse me for a minute, Honey-kun, Mori-kun.” I walked around the twins, who were leering at me, over to where Kyoya was typing on his laptop. _Always damn typing. Or writing in that notebook of his._

“Kyoya-san, may I speak with you when you have a minute, please?”

“I have a minute now, Anne-senpai. How may I help you?” he continued to stare at his computer. _Rude._

“I’d like to buy an Ouran blazer from you.” _No point in beating around the bush._ Feeling that more explanation was necessary, I added “The difference in our heights is negligible.” _Ooh, talk dirty to me, Anne._

At this, he looked up over his glasses at me, obviously thinking. “The twins are closer to your height, are they not? Would not the jacket you have already used be the best option?”

Maintaining eye contact, I said firmly “I’d rather do business with you, Ootori-san,” emphasizing that I knew about his family living. And avoiding his questions for the most part.

He smiled at that. _Why does his smile scare me?_ “Of course, Randall-senpai. I’d be only too happy.” _Yay, more mocking._ With that, he returned his gaze to the screen in front of him. _Hope I didn’t offend him._

I shifted from foot to foot, unsure how to ask my next question. “So…when would you like…?”

“Oh, I’ll have it with me tomorrow morning, Anne-senpai. Don’t you worry.” _Fat chance of that._

“And what about payment?” _Don’t look at me like that, dude, this is something I need to know. I’d think you’d appreciate it!_

“We will discuss payment another time, Anne-senpai.”

I was unsure about what exactly that meant, but I returned to my seat with Mori and Honey nonetheless. The twins seem to have gotten bored while I was gone because they were back at their own table. I smiled at Honey as I said, “It’s been taken care of, Honey-kun. Kyoya-san is giving me one of his jackets.” _No need to tell him about the payment._

“That’s great, Annie-chan! Now you can be comfortable! Isn’t that great, Takashi?”

“Yeah.”

**It’s a step in the right direction, at the very least.**

**I see you took my advice and ditched the dresses. Good for you! Isn’t this so much better, friend?**

_Why does this person want me in boys’ clothes? And why did they refrain from damaging them? Is it something specific about the dresses that bothers them? If they just spoiled enough of my clothes, my parents would be almost certain to notice and then it’d be bye bye Anne at Ouran. Why not just make me leave? What are they planning on doing to me while they have me here?_


	6. Gender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What the hell even IS gender?

**Those pants seem rather long. Do you need me to cut them down to size for you, dear?**

**Mori-sama and Honey-sama haven’t said anything about your new get-up. I guess they just haven’t noticed, huh? How unfortunate that you aren’t getting the attention you seek**

**If your body is supposedly female but you wear boys’ clothes, who is there left that finds you appealing? Certainly not the Host Club boys; they’re only interested in ladies**

**How long do you think you can keep this up, dear? No matter. I’ll be here with you until the end, don’t you worry**

 

By the end of the week, I had figured it out. Why the note-writer had wanted me to dress in the male uniform. It’s crazy how important clothing is, even when what you can wear is largely out of your control. As soon as I started dressing masculinely, people didn’t know what to do with me. I could see their gears turning: ‘why would she choose to dress like a boy? Is she gay? Is she really ugly? Is she actually a he?’

That last one made me laugh, because to me, I was so obviously **not** male. Sure, I was pretty tall for a girl, but I had some things that men did not traditionally possess. On a good day, I could laugh at the expression people’s faces as their eyes looked me up and down. I could practically see ‘Oh! Breasts!” written across their faces when they got to my chest. 

But those weren’t my only womanly attributes. In my eyes, my face was very feminine: round, soft, with naturally pink cheeks. In my own mind, I thought I looked like a doll: all the right features in the right places, but with cookie-cutter proportions. Plain, but difficult to explain how.

I suppose if I had taken to wearing makeup, it might have been easier on my peers (or confused them even more). But I had never gotten into that particular endeavor. It was expensive, and time-consuming, and my mom didn’t feel qualified to teach me. I had no one else around who knew how to do it, so rather than spend years in trial-and-error, I decided to not bother at all. I had never been deeply invested in my looks, besides being clean and tidy. I figured, why change how I look? This is who I am, so if people don’t like it…they’re not for me.

In a way, I was kinda glad that something as simple as my clothes could make people question my gender. I figured they didn’t realize the commentary they were making on the fluidity of gender, since this was a very conservative school (as old money tends to be), but I was also troubled. For one thing, they assumed gender was either male or female. For another…I still considered myself to be a girl.

True, when I could, I preferred to wear clothes that were considered ‘masculine’: t-shirts, sweat pants, cargo pants. Basically, I liked baggy clothes in general because they were comfortable. However, sometimes I got the urge to ‘dress up’: wear cute shoes, style my hair, wear feminine things like dresses and skirts. But no matter what I wore, I felt female. Regardless of my clothing.

So, on the good days, I could laugh at the stares, and ignore the whispers that said ‘it’s probably related to her illness’. On the bad days, I felt erased. No one seemed to see **me**. They only saw a girl dressed in boys’ clothes. So at school, I played the masculine female. And at home, I just tried to find myself, again. Among my t-shirts and the fitted clothes that my mom insisted looked good on me because I had ‘the right body type’.

All this turmoil kinda came to a head that Friday in the Host Club after hours, three weeks into my stay. I had made an off-hand comment about the dresses as uniforms, how their sleeves seemed rather excessive. Haruhi had agreed, which had started a discussion between us on their form versus function.

_Wow, he seems really informed about this. I wonder if he’s trans? Or maybe genderfluid? Not that it’s any of my business. Besides, guys can be interested in dresses too, Anne._

I hadn’t spent much time with Haruhi since my first day, him being a first year, and we didn’t have any classes together. Moreover, he was a very popular host, so his time was very much in demand. I was enjoying our talk immensely.

Just then, I heard one of the twins call out, “Man, Haruhi sure has thought a lot about something she doesn’t wear, isn’t that right, Karou?”

Before his twin could even respond, I glared at Hikaru, saying “Are you really using ‘she’ as an insult, Hikaru-san? Surely you know better than that.”

He did not look satisfactorily chastised. Instead, he chuckled. “Have you really not figured it out yet, Anne-senpai? I guess you really aren’t honor student material.”

Well, that stung. Confused, I turned back to Haruhi, asking “Am I mistaken about your pronouns, Haruhi-san? I thought they were he/him?”

Looking cautious, Haruhi said “Are you asking what my sex is, Anne-senpai?”

My eyes widened. “Of course not, Haruhi-san! That’s no one’s business but your own! I just wanted to know your gender, unless you’d rather not tell me.”

Before Haruhi could answer, Hikaru piped up again with “Seriously?! It’s obvious that Haruhi is a girl. It’s a miracle none of her customers have figured it out, yet.”

I went back to glaring at the ginger. “If you are referring to the fact that Haruhi is pretty, then I am well aware. However, it seems I make it a point to be in the company of pretty boys lately, so I don’t seem how that’s pertinent.”

Haruhi chuckled at that, then said “If I’m understanding you correctly Anne-senpai, you’re asking me, regardless of my biology, if I…identify as male or female?”

_Close, but not quite._ “I’m asking you what gender you are, Haruhi-san. I apologize if that offends you--”

“Isn't that what Haruhi just said, Anne-senpai?” interrupted a voice. I turned to glare, but it appeared the twin who had asked was genuinely curious. _Probably Karou, then._

I frowned. “Not really. Haruhi said ‘male or female’, and gender includes much more than that.”

“Okay, now you’re just making stuff up.” _That smirk is gonna leave your face one way or another, Hikaru. Don’t push me._

I continued to glare, but tried to take deep breaths to avoid doing anything…drastic. “I am not. Gender is not binary, like many people think. It's a spectrum, including masculine, feminine, non-binary, genderfluid, genderqueer, and many others.” 

I took another deep breath. “Those are a lot of official terms, not all of which I understand, but basically, if you can express it, it exists.” I looked hard at Hikaru for my next sentence. “Also, I would recommend you not call me a liar again, Hikaru-san.” 

With that I resituated myself with Haruhi, not waiting for Hikaru’s retort which may or may not lead to my throttling him. Haruhi was smiling at me. “Well, Anne-senpai, no one has asked me that before, so I need to consider it carefully.”

I blinked in astonishment. “Seriously?”

Haruhi smiled bigger. “Seriously. People have been content to assume up until now.” With an index finger to his chin in thought, Haruhi continued “It’s true that I prefer clothing seen as masculine, but that’s just what’s comfortable to me. I can wear feminine things, and I’ve been called ‘cute’ and the like most of my life. However, looks don’t really matter to me. I think personality is much more important than gender, so I don’t really see what the big deal is.”

Haruhi returned his focus to me, eyes twinkling. “Do you have a term for that, Anne-senpai?” 

I looked down at my hands. _Yeah, I deserve that for being such a know-it-all._ “I’m no expert, in any way…but something does come to mind. First, though, may I ask if you have considered pronouns?” 

Haruhi looked pensive once more. “Well, during Host Club hours and class, I’m used to he/him. Otherwise, I’m used to she/her. Adding more to that would probably be very confusing.”

My hands clenched into fists. “This is your life, Haruhi-san. If you could choose what people called you, what would it be?”

He shrugged. “I really don’t have a preference. The way I see it, I remain the same person, no matter what people call me.”

_How rational. And…enviable. I wish I could be so level-headed._ I nodded. “Well, it seems to me that the best word for that would be…agender. It means, without gender.” _Obviously, Anne._ I waited for Haruhi’s reaction.

His eyes brightened almost imperceptibly. “That sounds…fitting. Thank you, Anne-senpai. I’ll look into it.” He was composed, yet gratitude was fervent beneath the words.

I smiled. “You’re welcome, Haruhi-san.”

Then our moment was broken by “But Haruhiiiii! You look so cute in your girly outfits!!” 

_I wonder how long he’s been there. The room was so quiet, I thought he was gone._ “Tamaki-san, it is not your decision to make. Haruhi-san may wear whatever he wishes.”

The twins appeared on either side of their king, stage-whispering alternately into both ears.

“Don’t worry, Boss.”

“We’ll still be putting her in the right clothes.”

At that point, I started seeing red. “The **right** clothes?! Do you mean to tell me that you have been putting Haruhi-san in clothes he does not want to wear?!?”

The twins pouted, starting “Well, we wouldn’t say it like that—“

“Haruhi-san,” I said, turning. “Did you want to wear the clothes they chose for you?”

“Not particularly, no.”

“Would you say that you were forced to wear these clothes against your will?”

“Sometimes. Unless I finally gave in.”

“Now, Haruhi, don’t you think that’s a little harsh—“

“SILENCE, you three.”

“…”

I took a deep breath, still trying to keep a lid on my emotions. I let it out. _Calm. I am calm. So **freakin’** calm._ “How DARE you!!! How DARE you impose your antiquated gender roles on Haruhi. I thought he was your friend?!?! Tell me, what kind of friend erases the identity of someone they care about?” 

I took a step forward, causing Hikaru, Karou, and Tamaki to take two steps back. “You boys need a lesson in consent. So let me teach you: it is CLEAR, COHERENT, WILLING, and ONGOING. Do you know what that means? It means that it is never implied. Yes means yes and no means no. I don’t know how much clearer I can be. It means that you must be in your right mind to give it. No drugs, alcohol, or sleep deprivation involved. It is not given under pressure or any kind of manipulation. **No threats.** And it must be given EVERY TIME. At EACH STEP of the act. I don’t care if you’re having sex or trying on clothes. THIS LESSON APPLIES. AM I CLEAR?!?” _Yup, that was totally calm. **Super** calm._

The boys nodded once, then Hikaru managed “It’s just clothes, Anne-senpai.”

I closed my eyes and let out a breath. _Keep it together._ Still not looking at him, I replied “No, Hikaru-san. It’s not just clothes. It’s your refusal to let your friend express himself in a way that makes him the most happy, only to satisfy yourselves. If you want dresses, no one’s stopping you from wearing them.” 

With that, I turned on my heel and approached Haruhi. “Haruhi-san, I apologize if I have embarrassed you, but I stand by what I said.” I bowed to the room at large, “Excuse me,” and left.

_What is this, the third time I’ve left that room a fool? Now I’ve gone and alienated most of the people at this school who actually treat me like a human being. Shit. Well, it was only a matter of time before I screwed it up._

“Annie-chan! Annie-chan!” _Oh, no. Now what have I done?_ I chuckled to myself as I turned towards the voice. _What haven’t you done, Anne?_

“Yes, Honey-kun?” _Big surprise, Mori-kun is carrying him. In fact, isn’t it time for—_

“You woke me up from my nap, Annie-chan.” My eyes widened as the blood left my face. _Oh, shit. I am dead. Even a newbie like me knew what that meant. Goodbye, Mori. Sorry for angering your charge. It was nice knowing you._

“I am so sorry, Honey-kun! I didn’t mean to raise my voice! I got very upset and lost control and—“

“It’s okay, Annie-chan. I forgive you. I was just wondering, how do you know so much about that stuff?”

_Shit. Again. I can feel myself blushing._ “Well, you see, I was involved in a club at my old school…”

“And you talked about those things?”

I nodded hesitantly. _Where are you going with this?_

“What club was it?”

“W-well, it was kinda a mouthful, so they were talking about changing it when I left…” He looked at me expectantly. I sighed in defeat. “It was LGBTQIA+ last I heard.” _Please don’t ask…_

“What does that stand for?”

I fidgeted, uncomfortable. _Shoot._ “Honey-kun, may I ask why you want to know all this?”

His face brightened. “Kyo-chan suggested that you become part of the club!”

_Little boy third year say what?_ “What? Why? How? I can’t be a Host!”

Honey looked puzzled. “Why not, Annie-chan?”

_I just love spelling things out._ “I’m a girl, Honey-kun. I know I wear the boys’ uniform, but I won’t pass myself off as anything other than what I am.” _I do enough pretending as it is._

“Haru-chan is not a boy, either, Annie-chan.”

I looked at him with new respect. _I just like you more and more._ “That’s true, Honey-kun. But the fact remains that I would be uncomfortable as a Host. I’m sorry.” You’ll probably hate me now.

Honey’s face turned pensive. “Will you at least come back, and listen to what Kyo-chan has to say?”

_Say no._ “…Okay, Honey-kun. For you.” As a sort-of joke, I added (because he hadn’t really been acknowledged at all) “And for Mori-kun, as well.”

As the tall boy turned away to reopen the club door with his friend on his shoulders, I wondered: did I detect a flicker of amusement in his eyes? But I shook that off. _Unlikely._


	7. Proposition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne was NOT expecting the club's offer.

The room was quiet. Haruhi, Hikaru, Karou, Honey, and Mori were all watching as I stood in front of Kyoya. _Let’s get this over with._

“Hello, Anne-senpai.” _Ooh, first move. Very good._

“Hello, Kyoya-san. Honey-kun told me you have a proposition?”

“Yes, quite. I wish you to become part of the Host Club.”

“So he told me. I decline, with thanks, Kyoya-san. Goodbye.” I turned to leave, avoiding what I knew would be a hurt Honey. _I’m sorry, Honey-kun. I guess I can’t do it._

“You don’t even want to know what position you’d uphold, Anne-senpai?”

I stopped my retreat. “I was under the impression that there is only ever one position available in the Host Club. That position being, a Host.”

“That is very true, to a point. However, I am proposing you be the first to hold a brand-new position, Anne-senpai.”

I folded my arms, wary but intrigued. “I see. And what would that position be?”

His lips barely curved upward, a slight smirk. “A representative.”

I felt a chill run through my body. “Of what community, specifically?” _Will I have to relive that scene again?_

“The queer community, Anne-senpai.”

I blinked in astonishment. Again. _Not what I was expecting. Again._ “I beg your pardon, Kyoya-san?”

Kyoya linked his long, slender figures under his chin, obviously enjoying himself. “As I understand it, gender expression and the like is an important issue to that community. Moreover, just now you told Mori-senpai and Honey-senpai that you used to be a member of the LGBTQIA+ club at you previous school, did you not? If I’m not mistaken, that acronym stands for Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Intersex Ally plus. Correct?”

I spoke without thinking: “Actually, there is some debate over what the A stands for, but people in the community agree that it is not Ally. The debate is over Asexual, Aromantic, or Agender, though I don’t see why it can’t represent all three. And the Q may mean Queer or Questioning, depending on whom you ask.” Then my brain caught with my mouth. _Shoot. I just proved him right._ I studied his smug face. _Yup, he definitely did that on purpose._

_Oh, well. Might as well finish my thought._ “Additionally, the acronym is problematic because it leaves certain groups out, like polysexuals and non-binaries, so it’s always changing and getting longer. Personally, I also think that the plus at the end is a lazy catch-all. Hence, a new title is being considered.”

Kyoya smirked more pronouncedly at me. “Well, Anne-senpai, you’re obviously qualified for the position.”

I shook my head. “Not necessarily. I’m no expert, as I’ve said before. I’m just…interested.”

More smirking. “Indeed.”

I tried to think this out rationally. “You say I would be a representative. That implies that I am part of the queer community.” I waited for his response.

“True.” Kyoya considered me, obviously wondering where I was going with that.

I turned to face the room at large for the first time since I had entered the room. “Tell me: what does the word ‘queer’ mean to you? When someone says it, what do you think of?”

Tamaki looked down, his hair covering his eyes. “I thought it meant…odd. Or different. Abnormal.”

Hikaru and Karou looked at each other, then shrugged and said (in unison) “We thought it meant gay.”

Haruhi looked thoughtful. He seemed to know where I was going with this. “Because of what I know of my dad’s experiences, to me it’s a slur for a homosexual person or someone who’s different.”

Honey looked troubled by the direction the conversation had taken. “When I asked Takashi, he said it meant someone who isn’t straight. Right, Takashi?”

“Yeah.” _Is that a blush I see? Nah…But when did that conversation happen? Inquiring minds want to know._

I turned back to Kyoya. “All of those interpretations are valid, because at some point in time, that was how the word was used.” I laid a hand on my chest, indicating myself. “To me, it means people who don’t identify as heterosexual, and heteroromantic, and identify with a singular gender that they were assigned at birth. I like to use it because at my other school, that was the accepted meaning. We agreed on it, and it was much easier to say than any alternative.”

I looked at Kyoya in the eyes intently, trying unsuccessfully to get a read from him. “You haven’t offended me by using that word. But I want you to realize what you’re getting into. You attend a wealthy school full of the children of conservative families. Such families tend to dislike change. And you are proposing to change a great deal. Are you willing to face the consequences?”

Our staring contest was broken by a twin saying exasperatedly, “For goodness sake, Anne-senpai! Stop being so melodramatic. It’s not that big a deal.”

I saw Kyoya smile slightly as I turned to face the room. _That’s right, Kyoya. You’re getting another show. Watch the monkey dance._

I kept my face neutral as I said, “Is that so? Tell me this, then: why are all your clients female? Or, conversely, why do they think all the Hosts are male?”

The ginger shrugged carelessly, as his twin replied in a quiet voice “Because we assume people are straight until proven otherwise.”

I smiled at him. “Exactly. In actuality, there are many different orientations. Even if you only take sexualities into account, there’s asexual, heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, and polysexual, just to name what comes to mind.” _And that’s without touching romantic orientations._

I turned to Tamaki this time. “What about the uniforms? Can you see a problem with them based on what we’ve talked about?” The blonde didn’t answer. I had subdued him, apparently. _Whoa._

Instead, Haruhi spoke up in a clear voice: “The uniforms assume that gender is binary, with strict guidelines for male and female.”

I turned my smile on him. “Correct.” I faced the club as a group. “Society at this school is heteronormative at its core, as many are. What you are asking me to do is launch a one-person attack on the establishment.” I shook my head. “Your quest is admirable, I’m sure, but I don’t think you fully understand what you’re asking of me.”

“It would hardly be ‘one-person’, Anne-senpai.” I turned to face Kyoya once again. “As an official member of the Host Club, you would have our full support.” _Oh, really?_

I looked hard at Kyoya. “If I told you that in order for me to accept this position, the Host Club would be required to make some changes, what would you say, Kyoya-san?”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you, Anne-senpai.”

_Of course. Because you know everything._ “You would introduce non-male hosts, and welcome non-female clients?” _For a start._

Kyoya looked over to Tamaki. “What do you think, my king?”

I was sorely tempted to roll my eyes. “I’ll come back when you’ve all discussed this thoroughly. Let me know.” I turned and approached the door, then paused. I called back “Until then, consider this: if you follow your scheme through, the Host Club will be a target for every bigot within these walls. And their parents.” _But most of them will focus on me._

With a bow, I left.


	8. Honey-kun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The littlest Host is on a mission.

On Monday, I tried to avoid the Host Club. To give them space so they could decide if they really wanted me to join them. It was only polite.

Honey wasn’t having any of that. “Annie-chan! Annie-chan! Where are you going?! We missed you this morning! Didn’t we Takashi?”

“Yeah.”

“Honey-kun, I’m giving the Host Club some space so I don’t influence their decision.” _It’s reasonable, dammit!_

Honey considered this, then popped out with “Why do you always leave, Annie-chan? Whenever something happens, you leave before you can see the ending. Last week, Haru-chan wanted to thank you for everything you said on her behalf, but you were already gone.”

_Wow…that’s nice._ I considered denying my penchant for fleeing, but I knew what he said was true. I looked away, hiding my face because I wasn’t sure what it would show when I said “I dunno, Honey-kun. I guess I’d rather leave too early than stay too long.” _I hope that didn’t sound as emo as it felt. Definitely cryptic, though. Or maybe profound if I’m lucky._

“Well, if you had stayed, you would know that the club has already decided, and we want you to come back so we can tell you the news!” _News?_

“Okay, Honey-kun. I’ll come after hours to hear it.”

“But you should come noooooowww, Annie-chan! It’s lunchtime! That means we should be eating cake!”

_Of course. Fine._ “I’ll come for you, Honey-kun, but just as a friend. I’m not a member yet, okay?”

“Okay!” 

As we made our way to the music room, I imagined I could feel Mori’s eyes on me. _Don’t be ridiculous…but what if he’s still thinking about my emo comment?_


	9. Concerns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The club doesn't understand why Anne is angsting so much. But they're here for her, regardless.

The Hosts seemed to realize that club time was not the time to talk about this, so I was left alone to sit with Mori and Honey like usual. However, I noticed that Tamaki was not his usual, bubbly self, though he was doing a good job of entertaining his clients despite his unhappiness. 

I felt a pang of guilt as I realized that this had started after I had chewed him and the twins out over their treatment of Haruhi. _I didn’t mean to make him upset. I need to fix this._ So, after the club closed and everyone began cleaning up, I asked him if we could speak privately for a moment.

Once we were out of earshot of the others, I turned to him and blurted out “I’m sorry.” He blinked at me, obviously surprised. I continued “You’ve been down since Friday, and I didn’t mean to do that. I stand by my words, but I shouldn’t have let my emotions get away from me.”

I looked down sheepishly, scuffing my shoes. “You may have noticed that I get…worked up over topics that I…feel strongly about.” I looked back up at him to see a half-hearted smile on his face. _Progress._ "I don’t want you to think that I believe you don’t care about Haruhi, because I know that’s not the case. It’s obvious you care very deeply about everyone in the Host Club. You’re the one who brought them together, after all.” He looked surprised at that, and I smiled. _That’s right. I did my homework._ “So…yeah.” I didn’t really know what else to say. I wanted to leave, and give him time to process, but I remembered Honey’s words. _Maybe he’d prefer if I wait to hear his response now._ So I did. 

I got the weird feeling that Tamaki knew what was going on in my head, because he smiled warmly at me, like he was proud for some reason. _What’s that for? Not being a coward this time around?_ “Thank you for your apology, Anne-senpai. But you were right in everything you said yesterday. I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but that isn’t the most important thing.”

I tried make it lighter by saying, “Oh, I don’t know. I don’t think the rest of the Host Club would be happy if I upset their fearless leader. Even if you are good at hiding it from your clients.” In a spark of courage, I winked at him.

He seemed astonished. I started panicking internally. _Oh, shoot. Was I not supposed to wink at him? That was weird, wasn’t it? Fudge._

So his next sentence surprised me. “And yet, you noticed that it was an act.”

I wasn’t really sure what he was getting at, so I played it safe. “Oh, don’t worry, I only saw it because I was looking for it. And I’m sure if I hadn’t dragged you over here first thing, either Kyoya-san or Haruhi-san would have demanded to know what was wrong.”

His eyes crinkled at me. _Now what did I say, for that reaction? (and how do I do it again?)_ “Yes, you’re probably right.”

I didn’t want him to argue with me anymore about whether he deserved to feel better, so I said, “We should probably get back to others. Honey-kun said Kyoya-san had something to tell me.” Tamaki nodded, and we both headed back to the rest of the club, who had finished cleaning up.

The twins piped up. “Thanks for all the help, Boss.”

“Yeah, Anne-senpai, you were invaluable.”

Tamaki simply responded with, “We were discussing something important.”

That perked them up. “I hope it was an apology…”

“…for the way she treated us on Friday.”

Figuring that this club probably didn’t keep many secrets from each other, I responded with “Actually, it was an apology just for Tamaki-san. If I had wanted to apologize to you two, I would have included you in the conversation.” At their pouts, I added “I do apologize for losing my temper, guys. I stand by what I said, but I know you are all friends and you care about each other. I didn’t mean to call that into question. The reason I bothered to say anything at all was because I knew if you realized it really bothered Haruhi-san, you’d stop.”

_Of course, I guess I don’t really know how Haruhi feels about it. Because I left._ I walked over to where she was sitting as I heard the twins grumbling to Tamaki that that wasn’t much of an apology. 

“May I sit here?”

“Of course, Anne-senpai.”

I sat, trying to gather my thoughts. _I’m handing out a lot of apologies today._ “I wanted to apologize, Haruhi-san.” He gave me a questioning look. I elaborated, “I spoke for you, without asking first.”

He looked at me incredulously. _Now what have I done?_ “You stood up for me, Anne-senpai. Why would you need to apologize for that?”

I blinked. “I yelled at your friends on your behalf. Without making sure that you felt the way I thought you did. I could have been wrong.”

He seemed to consider that for a moment. “True. But I saw what you did as proof that you **also** care for me, Anne-senpai. And for the boys. Like you said, why bother otherwise? Actually, it reminded me of Mori-senpai; you defended someone on instinct because you saw them being wronged.” _Psh. Like I have anything in common with Mori. He’s so much… **more** than I am._

Haruhi looked at me consideringly. “Do you often find it necessary to apologize to people you protect, Anne-senpai?”

_Fudge. I knew you were too perceptive._ “Past experience has taught me that…my methods of…’protection’, as you say…are not always welcome.” I tried to shrug it off. “Sometimes people want to take care of it themselves. Sometimes, something that bothers me doesn’t bother them.” _But I don’t know how to turn this off. It took me forever to learn that sometimes, people are actually flirting when they are being…not polite. And I still find it hard to not say anything._

Knowing Haruhi, she was about to start showing me sympathy, and I didn’t want to make this about me, so I turned to call to Kyoya across the room. _Yup, still a coward. Running away while staying still. Impressive._

“So, Kyoya-san, Honey-kun tells me you have news.” 

“Indeed. But first, I think we need to allay the concerns you brought up last week.” I nodded. _Sounds good._

“One: you don’t feel adequately qualified to be our queer representative. We disagree because you are the only student we know for certain has been a part of the community. Locating an alternative representative would be difficult; as you have mentioned, we do not want to publicize our interest in such matters before we gauge how welcome such endeavors would be to the student body at large. Moreover, students at this school would be unlikely to be truthful about their involvement, for the very same reason, which would make our search even more difficult.”

_You really have thought this through. Kudos._ “I concede your point.” 

Kyoya’s mouth briefly turned up at the corners. “Thank you. Two: you worry about the general ignorance that characterizes many people’s understanding, or lack thereof, concerning the queer community. Not the least of which, regarding the term ‘queer’ itself. Unfortunately, the only weapon against ignorance is education; thus, that conundrum will likely never be fully solved. There will always be willfully ignorant bigots in the world, and in this school. What we offer is the desire and will to take on this problem with you so that future students may benefit.” 

_Inspiring, but not really reassuring. Doesn’t seem like Kyoya…_ “Indeed. Please continue.”

“Gladly. Three: You warn that our ‘quest’, as you say, will have consequences. I take this to mean you believe the student body will react negatively to the Host Club becoming involved in the queer community. We agree that this will likely happen. However, we also believe that there will be those that stand by us. Not just members of the queer community who are finally being given a voice at this school, but also our most staunch supporters. The Host Club is popular on campus, and you seem to think that getting involved in these ’politics’ will damage the club’s reputation, but consider the converse: the club will be able to use its influence to make people listen and pay attention. We are no strangers to controversy.

“More specifically, I imagine you foresee bullying, vandalism, and possibly even repercussions from the establishment as a result of our involvement. To which, we say: we can handle ourselves. Not only are both Mori-senpai and Honey-senpai well-versed in martial arts, but all of us, except Haruhi and yourself, come from influential families that many people at this school do not wish to offend.”

_I wish I were so confident._ “So what do you propose Haruhi-san and I do? Hire bodyguards? Also, what if your ‘influential families’ do not support the new direction of your ‘controversial club’?”

Here, Haruhi finally cut in. “I can take care of myself, Anne-senpai.”

I turned to face him. “I’m sure you can, Haruhi-san. I just don’t want anything to happen to you because of me.”

“Because of you, Anne-senpai? In case you haven’t noticed, **we** are the ones doing the convincing. And I’ve heard the entire argument. We all have, and we’re going into this with our eyes open.”

“This all started with me, Haruhi-san. Without me, it would have never happened.” _If I had kept my big mouth shut, we wouldn’t be in this mess._

Here Kyoya interrupted my pity party. “If I’m not mistaken, you spend most of your time between classes with Honey-senpai and Mori-senpai. Do you doubt their ability to protect you?”

I clenched my fists. _That’s low, man._ “I would trust Honey-kun and Mori-kun with my life.” _What you don’t seem to get is that that is what I am doing._

“Well then, I’m sure you’ll have no problems with bullying or the like.” _You’d be surprised._

Kyoya seemed to think it was time to move on. “Four: in order for you to accept your position, you require changes to be made to the Host Club. Namely, non-male hosts and non-female clients, if I remember correctly.”

_For a start._ At my nod of confirmation, he continued. “I have a counter-offer: you join the Host Club, and help make the changes reality yourself. I would suggest a gradual approach, to make it less jarring to our clientele. Perhaps orchestrate themed days, and if they are successful, announce that they will become a permanent fixture as a favor to the customers.”

_Smooth. You’re definitely a businessman._ “Intriguing. Do go on.”

Kyoya smirked, like he knew it was a trick question. “I believe those are all the worries you have voiced. However, I do have an additional point which I hope will clarify our intentions.”

_Okay._ “Okay.” _Wow, eloquent._

“When I proposed you become the Host Club’s queer representative, I believe you misconstrued me. Even though you would serve the club in that capacity, our clients would not know you by that title. Such a step would be suicidal until we cultivate a more accepting atmosphere in our club and Ouran in general. To our clients, you would merely be the new member of the Host Club.” Here he looked intently into my eyes. “Our first female Host.”

_You obviously want me to be flattered by such an honor._ “As wonderful as that sounds, I already informed you, I don’t Host.”

Tamaki broke in. “But, Anne-senpaaaaiiii—“

“Look, I said my piece, and now you’ve said yours. However, I would like to add some points I think you ought to consider, if I may.” I looked around at everyone, but focused on Tamaki. It was his call.

He nodded, though still surly. “Thank you. Now, I want to explain my aversion to Hosting. It’s not that I would be ashamed to do it: the women who come to this club know what they are getting into, and I don’t pretend to think you’re doing anything besides what they want. However, I can’t be a Host. To explain why, I have to get a bit personal, though. If that’s all right.” I made sure everyone had assented before I closed my eyes and continued. “I know what Hosting entails. I’ve been here while you do it for weeks now. And I can tell you, I don’t have it in me. I can’t flirt; never learned how. I understand dirty jokes, but I don’t enjoy making them myself. I can’t act; all I can really do is talk. And think. In other words, I can’t contribute anything to this club as a Host.”

“Anne-senpai, if that’s all it is, we any of us can teach you how to be the perfect Host—“

I opened my eyes and turned. “I appreciate the offer, Tamaki-san, but I don’t want to change.” _Well that’s not completely true._ “I don’t want to know how to flirt, or tell dirty jokes, or any of that. That’s not who I am.” _More accurate._

“But, Anne-senpai, I don’t do any of those things either.”

I knew Haruhi would bring that up. Smiling, I said, “Exactly, Haruhi-san. You already don’t do that. The club doesn’t need a Host who can’t offer something original.” To head off more protests, I continued. “In addition to that, we also must consider what my current reputation will do to the Host Club. We’ve already seen the negative repercussions that can result.”

“If you’re referring to Ayanokiji-san, let me remind you that she was also bullying Haruhi, and I am not going to apologize for kicking her out.” _Aw, Tamaki goin’ all protective over his little ‘daughter’._

“Fair enough. However, she did bring some things to light about me, in a public way, which must have hurt business.” I turned to Kyoya. “Can you tell me that the announcement of my mental illness did not affect sales, Kyoya-san?”

Kyoya steepled his fingers. “While it is true that the club experienced a temporary drop in revenue after that little stunt, we have since recovered and even exceeded our previous income. This can be explained only by the one new variable: you.”

I blinked. That was not what I was expecting. “That doesn’t make any sense. I don’t do anything.”

Kyoya shrugged. “You spend time with Mori-senpai and Honey-senpai. People seem to enjoy seeing that.”

I gave myself a mental shake. _Focus. You gotta warn these people against what they’re getting themselves into. Oh, I’ve got something they’ll definitely be worried about._ “Have you considered the damaging connections people will draw when they notice that their beloved Host Club only became interested in ‘the queer agenda’ after they started spending time with the ‘special’ new girl?” _Kinda salty, but someone had to say it._

Tamaki spoke up, confused. “What are you trying to say, Anne-senpai?”

“I’m saying that including me in this cause of yours may lead some people to wonder if there are any connections between mental illness and being queer.”

I saw Kyoya looked discomposed for the first time as he said cuttingly “Surely you will not hold us responsible for the ignorance and stupidity of others, Anne-senpai? Such conclusions that you speak of are unfounded and illogical.”

_I guess I finally got through to him._ “You are dealing with high-schoolers, Kyoya-san. I regret to inform you that such beings have been known to behave illogically.”

There was a pause, as I assume everyone considered what I had said. The silence was broken by Kyoya, who said, with his calm face back on, “I have heard everything you said, Anne-senpai, but my decision remains the same. I still want you to join the Host Club, even if we haven’t agreed in what capacity.”

“I second that.” _Tamaki._

“So do I.” _Haruhi._

“Yeah, we think having you here will be a lot of fun.” _The twins._

“Yay, Annie-chan is joining the Host Club!” _Honey._

“Yeah.” _Mori._

I was thrilled by their support, but also filled with dread. _I’m going to let you all down, at some point. I tried to warn you._ I took a deep breath to prepare for what I was gonna do next. “Then let’s address the last elephant in the room.”

Everyone looked at me like they couldn’t think of anything we hadn’t already talked about. “Now, you have all been very nice and avoided mentioning it at all, really, but that doesn’t change the facts. So, don’t any of you want to know what, exactly, I suffer from?”

I saw the change in their faces as they all realized what I meant. I held up my hand. “And before you tell me it doesn’t matter, I’m here to tell you that it does. I appreciate your tact, but my sickness affects my life, and you have all just agreed to spend a significant amount of your time with me. So, I say you have the right to know.”

“…If you want to tell us, Anne-senpai, we aren’t going to stop you. It’s your choice.” _Oh, Tamaki. Always so gracious._

“I’m sorry for…putting this on all of you.” _I wouldn’t if I thought I had another choice. But you need to understand that you’re better off without me._

Before any of them could say anything to make me change my mind, I blurted out, “I have depression and anxiety.” My words just hung in the air. The club looked at me like they didn’t know how to respond. _This is it. This is where they say, thanks, but no thanks. This is what I wanted, why I told them._

“…Annie-chan?”

_Oh, no. What can Honey have to say to me?_ “Yes, Honey-kun?”

“…Did you think that telling us that…would make you change our minds about you?”

_What? Why are you asking me that? IT SHOULD. You should RUN AWAY from me. RIGHT NOW._ He was obviously waiting for an answer. “…Yes,” I said finally. _Wasn’t it obvious? Why would you want to spend time with me, now that you know?_

“Why?”

_I can’t handle always be explaining these things to you, Honey. Why can’t you just understand?_ “Honey-kun, have you known anyone who has had depression, or anxiety?” Let alone both?

“No.”

I tried to figure out a way to explain it. _How do I make them understand how bad it is without activating their sympathy responses? Stupid nice people._ “It’s not fun to be around them, Honey-kun.” _Let’s leave it at that._

“I would imagine it’s even less fun to **be** them, Anne-senpai.” _Ah, Haruhi. So much kindness in one person._

“Anne-senpai, my answer remains the same.” _Kyoya, you have hidden depths._ The rest of the club quickly agreed, and I found myself caught in the crosshairs of their gazes, waiting for my response.

_Well, there’s only one thing I can do, really._ I tried to smile like I was really happy. “Well, then, I guess I’m the new member of the Host Club.” And that’s how I found myself in the middle of a Host Club group hug. 

After I had disengaged myself, and everyone had started drifting off to go home, I walked up to Kyoya and asked quietly, “After everyone else is gone, may we speak, please?” He nodded, not seeming surprised by the request. _Stupid omniscient pretty boy._


	10. Tell Them, But Keep my Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne and Kyoya have a heart-to-heart. Not that he would call it that.

“How may I help you, Anne-san?”

That reminded me of the last time he used those words. “I still haven’t repaid you for your jacket, Kyoya-san,” I reminded him.

He waved me off. “Think nothing of it, Anne-san. Let’s just say you owe me a favor for now.”

That unsettled me. _What does he have to gain?_ Which brought me back to my original point: “Why do you want me in the club, Kyoya-san?”

Kyoya regarded me over the rims of his glasses. “I thought I made myself perfectly clear when we discussed it earlier, Anne-senpai, and I don’t enjoy repeating myself.” _Okay, Mr. Smarty-pants._

“You told me how the club could use me, Kyoya-san. And I also imagine that if we succeed in what we are attempting, the club will greatly benefit from a much larger clientele. However, I’m inquiring after why you think the benefits outweigh everything else.” I tried to articulate what I wanted to say as he waited for me to continue. “I’m just a foreign transfer student who needed a change of clothes one morning. That should have been the end of it. Why did Honey, and Mori, and everyone in the Host Club decide that I have a place here?”

Kyoya smirked at me. “Dropping the formalities, are we? All right. Well, to answer your question, I imagine Honey is friendly to most people, and you responded well to him. Mori responded to your interaction with his cousin. The twins responded to what you looked like in a wet dress, and then in their clothes. Tamaki welcomes everyone, and Haruhi…saw someone like her.”

_You’re missing one._ “And what about you, Kyoya? Why do you accept me here? You obviously care about this club, even though you pretend you’re ‘too cool’. You’ve invested a lot of time, effort, and money in this, not to mention the fact that you are close to the other Hosts, despite your aloofness. Why do you think I belong here?”

Kyoya smirked. _Is that his default expression?_ “As altruistic as you’ve painted me, I merely didn’t see the point of opposing Honey, Mori, Hikaru, Karou, Tamkai, and Haruhi without any benefit to myself.”

I considered him. “Oddly, the reason I don’t think that’s all is because you insist it is. You’re too clever to be motivated by something so simple. You’re just too complex for that.” _Please don’t take that as an insult._

Kyoya just gazed at me. “Flattered, I’m sure.”

I sighed. _I’m not getting anywhere on this subject. Let’s try a different one._ “Kyoya, you know more about my diagnosis than you let on, don’t you?”

He glinted his glasses at me. “I make it a point to know as much as possible about as much as possible.”

_I’ll take that as a yes._ “So you know that I’m not suicidal, or a danger to myself or others in any way, right?” He nodded. I stared at my feet, shuffling them, uncomfortable with what I was about to ask him. “If any of the others ask about that…I don’t need to know, but can you… reassure them?” I made eye contact again. “I know that when I was younger, I was taught that depression meant suicide, or self-harm, and I don’t want anyone to worry about that.”

Kyoya nodded again. “Yes, of course. I understand.”

I felt a rush of gratitude. “Thank you. I trust your discretion.” Then something else occurred to me. “So, you’re aware of my symptoms?”

He didn’t answer. _Plausible deniability. Smart._ I continued anyway. “I don’t want them to know about those. They don’t need to be burdened with the details.”

Kyoya seemed to get it. “That decision is, of course, up to you.”

“Thank you,” I said again, fervently. He simply nodded.

“If that’s all, Anne-senpai, I’m afraid I have many things I must still do today.” _Back to formalities._ He bowed and turned away, heading for the door.

But there was one more thing I wanted to know. I called after him, “Kyoya…why did you try to keep Ayanokiji from revealing my…secret?” _I have a hunch about what you’ll say…_

He turned and replied, like he had expected me to ask. “Knowledge is only power if other people don’t have it, Anne-senpai.” With that, he left.

_Yeah. I figured you’d say something like that._

**You know, the boys don’t even react to your imaginative outfit anymore. Do you think they remember that you’re a girl?**

The next day, the club announced to their customers that I was the first female Host. I wasn’t too happy about that, but my place in the club still hadn’t been settled on. We decided I might as well just do what I had done before, which was hang out with Honey and Mori. Unfortunately, one of their clients became curious and asked me what ‘type’ of Host I was. The only response I could muster was that it hadn’t been decided on yet. I explained that the club wanted to be sure a female Host would welcome before they made my position permanent. That seemed to satisfy her for the time being, but it made me realize that we had to figure some things out. 

I broached the subject after the last customer had left. “We forgot to assign me a type,” I announced baldly to the room at large.

After a short silence, Tamaki made it known he was horrified. “Oh, no! How could we be so incompetent! And we call ourselves Hosts!” He gasped at the shame of it all.

Haruhi, of course, was the voice of reason. “Well, why don’t we brainstorm one, right now?”

Both the twins grinned at that. “We have some suggestions.” _This oughtta be good._

“How about the ‘Uptight Type’?”

“Or the ‘Yelling Type’?”

“Or the ‘Rude Type’?”

“Or—“

“I’ve got one!” _Thank God for Haruhi. He was about to witness a double homicide._ “How about the ‘Passionate Type’?”

_Whaaaat?_ I blinked. “Um. What?”

He elaborated. “You stand up for what you believe in. And you really care about people.”

I scrambled for something to say. _I think that would be a misleading title on multiple levels._ “I doubt that quality is one I possess exclusively among the Hosts, Haruhi-san.” _It would fit you better. Or Mori._ “Anyway, that sounds kinda similar to the ‘Wild Type’ in my opinion.”

Tamaki considered this with a hand on his chin, the picture of thought. “Two ‘Wild Types’…that explains a lot.” _**Stop** comparing me to Mori. It won’t end well. We’re nothing alike._

I tried to steer the conversation back to safer waters. “We’re getting off track, guys.” I wracked my brains for an appropriate title. _Wait. That might work…if I can get away with it._

“What if my type was…I don’t have a type?” At their confused faces, I rushed to explain. “Every other Host has their own category, and a fanbase. My selling point could be that I exist outside those boxes. I am the first female Host, anyway. This could play along with that.”I started warming up to the idea. “Moreover, if a client doesn’t know which Host they’d like, they could come to me, because I’m new, too. I could point them to the Host that best suits them. And if the ‘Typeless Type’ doesn’t work, we could ask the clients to come up with a type for me. Like a contest.”

I stopped and looked at the rest of the club. “So…what do you think?” I felt arms wrap around me from behind. Then, I was picked up and spun around as Tamaki squealed “It’s perfect! I love it! Haruhi, your sister is so brilliant!”

“I guess you like it, then,” I choked out. The rest of the club agreed.

**Well, that answers my previous question. Congratulations on your new position, my man. Now you really are one of the boys**

For the rest of the week, we implemented my plan. Luckily, the regular customers didn’t mind that I preferred to sit near Mori and Honey so we could talk. They were a comforting presence when curious girls started coming over to my area to talk to me and ask about my role. Most of them were delighted that I’d be able to direct people to the best Host for them. The most common response I got was “That’s great! I’ve been wanting to bring my friend to the Host Club, but she insists she wouldn’t know which Host to request!” It was very gratifying that I’d be useful to the club.

As the week progressed, more and more girls started coming to me, asking about which Host they should request. Some even stayed to chat with me because they said they liked it right there with me. I was kind of nervous from all the new attention I had garnered; sometimes, it would get too much and I’d have to excuse myself to the bathroom. Thankfully, I didn’t have another panic attack. Spending time with the Host Club between working was helpful, especially with Mori and Honey. However, the weekend was welcome, with its promise of solitude. No well-meaning, talkative girls who never got tired of asking why I wore such unflattering clothes. Telling me I was pretty enough to pull off the dresses, so why not? I’d only have myself to look after for two days, not that that was an easy task lately.

**Oh, so now you’re the Host Club wingman, are you? Did all of those boys friendzone you, dear? How sad for you**

**You seem to be a bit overwhelmed, my friend. Perhaps you should take a break from ingratiating yourself into the group of the handsomest boys at Ouran? I’m just thinking of your health**

**Are those poor girls confused, or something? Do they forget that you’re not the boy you’re dressing as? Or is your plan to pick up unsuspecting girls looking for a man to take care of them?**

And no notes on the weekend. Yet.


	11. Wake-up Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Host Club seems to have a tradition for new members...

I woke up to my alarm at nine on Saturday, reminding me that I should probably get up and start my day. After I disabled it, I had planned to doze for a little while longer when I heard a loud knocking at the front door. _Mom and Dad said they wouldn’t return until Sunday night. Could they really be this early? Who else could it be?_ I heaved myself out of bed to go check, stopping to pull my robe on just in case I needed any modesty. When I looked through the peephole, I realized I would **definitely** need it.

Outside my door stood the entire Host Club. 

I opened the door begrudgingly. Immediately, Tamaki and the twins walked right past me. I gestured that the rest should follow. Haruhi came last, and when she crossed the threshold, I asked her if she would come with me. She nodded, and I went back to my room. When I turned to close my door, Tamaki and the twins were moving to join us. “You guys, I have to get dressed, and the only person I’m comfortable changing in front of is Haruhi. You’ll have to wait outside with the gentlemen.” 

The twins pouted at that. “That’s sexist, Anne-senpai. Just because we’re guys, you think we’re less trustworthy that Haruhi?”

_I’m not awake enough for this._ “My comfort is more important.” _Deal with it._

After I shut the door, I turned to Haruhi. “I’m sorry, I should’ve asked if you would be comfortable in here while I get dressed.” _I’m just scoring points left and right._

Haruhi waved me off. “Of course I don’t mind, Anne-senpai.”

I smiled apologetically, turning to my closet. “I gotta say, I was also hoping that you could fill me in on the club’s little visit.” _They’ve just seen me in my robe, no bra, legs unshaved, hair unbrushed. I’m gonna wear what I want and they can deal with it._

While I hunted for a t shirt and some comfy shorts, Haruhi considered that. “Well, they came to my house on the weekends a lot when I first joined the club. So maybe it’s like…initiation or something?” _Translation: they’re not doing this because you’re sick._

Digging out one of my sports bras that my mom had begged me to replace, I closed the closet door mostly and started changing. “Okay. So, what did y’all do when they came over?”

Her voice came through the door, “They just tagged along for whatever I was planning to do that day.”

I peeked out from behind the door. “So, basically, nothing got done when they were around?”

She smiled. “Yeah, you’ve got it in one.”

As I came out from behind the door to put my pajamas away, I paused as something occurred to me. “Should I be worried that they’re in my house, unsupervised, right now?” Before Haruhi could answer, I turned to her and asked, “Would you mind going out and checking on them? I’m almost done in here. Just gotta brush my hair.” _And take my meds._

“Sure thing, Anne-senpai.” She got up from her perch on my bed and headed for the door.

“Thanks, Haruhi-san.”

She paused before she opened the door and looked over her shoulder. “There’s no need for such formality between us, Anne-senpai. Don’t you think?”

I smiled sheepishly. “Yeah. I’d like that, Haruhi-chan.”

She smiled back, then opened and walked through my door, closing it behind her. I turned to face my mirror, running my comb through my hair, thinking. _Should I dry swallow my pill here, so they won’t see? I forgot to refill my water bottle, but that’s not good for your throat…Did I tell them I take medication? I can’t remember. Either way, Kyoya knows. Or should I take it to the kitchen and get some water?_

I started braiding my hair. _Nah, no need to worry them unnecessarily. Or remind them. I’ll just take it here._ With that decided, I unscrewed my bottle and shook out a pill. 

After swallowing, I screwed the lid back on and headed out to face the rest of the house. _Ugh. I hate that feeling, the blockage in my throat. I just need something to drink._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, I use she/her pronouns for Haruhi instead of he/him like I previously used. In my mind, Haruhi is indifferent to pronouns, because they don't change who she is.


	12. Brownies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The author decided to include a real brownie recipe in the middle of their fic for some reason...

“Hey, all. What brings you to my humble abode on this fine morning?” _I hope I’m too tired to sound sarcastic. Is that even a thing? Eh, I don’t really care._

Kyoya pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “First, have you taken your daily medication today, Anne-senpai?”

I blinked. _Okay. They know now, if they didn’t before._ “Yes. I just did.”

Kyoya nodded. “Good. And have you eaten yet today?”

_Oh, yeah. People eat in the morning usually, don’t they? I can’t remember the last time I woke up hungry._ “Kyoya-san, I just woke up. I haven’t done much of anything yet.” _Yeah, that’s reasonable._ “I was just going to have some cereal while you all tell me what it is you’re doing here.” _Let’s see how **you** like being put on the spot._ With that, I went to the kitchen and starting making myself breakfast. 

While my visitors filed into the dining room, I commented “I assume you all ate before you arrived.” _Because I can’t cook worth shit, especially not when I’m still half-asleep._

“Correct.” _Does Kyoya take lessons from Mori in how to speak in as few words as possible?_

“Do you have any cake, Annie-chan?” _Aw, Honey._

“Mitsukuni.” _Mori being all motherly._

“I’m afraid we don’t have any cake in the house, Honey-kun.” His crestfallen expression made me brainstorm an alternative. “But I do believe we have some brownie mix.”

“Brownie…mix?” _Did I accidentally say that in English? Because that sometimes happens when I’m tired._

“Yeah. You know…you buy a box of mix and follow the instructions on the package to make brownies. It’s easier and quicker than making it from scratch.” All of the Hosts looked perplexed, except for Haruhi, who presumably had made brownies before, Kyoya, who never seemed to drop his calm mask if he could help it, and Mori, though he did seem…intrigued by the idea. _Stop projecting, Anne._

“Is this ‘brownie mix’…like instant coffee?” I was surprised by Tamaki’s question. _So he knows about instant coffee?_ “Yeah, I guess…they’re both food products made for convenience.”

His eyes sparkled as he twirled in place. _Is instant coffee his secret to being so energetic?_ “Then we shall try this new commoners’ product, and become more familiar with your culture, Anne-senpai.”

_What?_ “My culture?”

Haruhi looked apologetic. “Yeah, that’s what they call regular people. Like me.”

_Oh._ “Well, I hope I don’t offend you, Haruhi-chan, but my family isn’t really…commoner. I don’t think.” _Not trying to be superior._

“That’s okay, Anne-senpai. We none of us can help where we come from. No need to feel sorry.”

I smiled at her. _So understanding._ I looked down and realized that I had finished my cereal as I spoke. _Phew. One meal down, two to go. Eating is hard work._ As I rinsed my bowl in the sink, Honey asked “What do you mean, Annie-chan? Are you rich, too?”

I paused in my task to answer, but the twins cut in, “Are you kidding? Look at her house. There’s no way she’s rich.” _Tactful twins strike again._

Talking pointedly to Honey, I replied “What I meant was that I think 'middle-class' is more accurate. Both my parents are highly educated, and their jobs are academic. Their clients are rich, but my parents prefer to save money for important things like college funds rather than fancy houses.” Here I looked meaningfully at the twins. When Honey still looked a bit uncertain, I added “I’ll put it this way: I’m too rich for public school, and too poor for private school.” I turned back to my bowl, putting it and my spoon in the dishwasher. When I faced the group again, Haruhi’s sympathetic face made me reevaluate what I had just said. _Oh, shoot. That was more than I meant to tell them._

In an attempt to head off the conversation before it went somewhere I didn’t want to follow, I clapped my hands and said, as brightly as I could, “Now, Honey-kun, would you like to learn how to make brownies?” I lowered my voice to a conspiratorial whisper. “Brownies are the reason I like chocolate so much.”

Honey’s eyes lit up at that. “Yay! Chocolate!” He ran around to the counter, bouncing in excitement. I chuckled at his antics.

When the rest of the club tried to follow him, though, I held up my hand. “Nope. Only Honey can be in the kitchen with me. It’s too small for the rest of you. Y’all just get to watch so you can do it next time.”

The twins and Tamaki looked kind of put out, but I held firm and reminded them, “If you come to my house and don’t tell me why, then we do what I want. And be happy about it.” _Let this be a lesson to you._

I turned to my partner in crime. “First, before we start, Honey-kun, we need to put on aprons and wash our hands.” I started to look through the kitchen closet when Honey spoke up.

“Annie-chan, can Takashi help? We might need him to get things we can’t reach.” _There isn’t much I can’t reach in this kitchen. But if you want him…_

I turned around and made a point of considering Mori where he stood impassively. Finally, I asked him “Would you like to help, Mori-kun?”

He grunted. _Okay, good enough for me I guess._ I shrugged. “Come on, then.” 

As he made his way into the kitchen, Tamaki complained, “That’s not fair, Anne-senpai! You said we had to watch!”

The twins pretended to whisper to each other, loud enough that we all could hear. “She’s always preferred those two.”

“They’re her favorites.”

“Boss has never been able to cope.”

Having finally found what I was looking for, I turned around. “Well, they were two of my first friends at Ouran. And we’re the same age. We have more in common, it only makes sense.” I hardened my gaze. “But that’s all irrelevant anyway, because this is my house and we do what I want, remember?” I turned to my two helpers. “Here are the aprons I found.” I held them out. One was solid navy blue (My dad’s), one was red and white gingham (my mom’s), and one was small and yellow with colorful flowers (mine from when I was little).

Honey immediately took the smallest, yellow one. “Thanks, Annie-chan!”

“Sure thing.” I turned to Mori. “Which one would you like?” I didn’t want to assume.

He didn’t say anything. _He’s probably waiting for me to pick first, like the gentleman he is._ I tried a different approach. “Do you mind if I use this one?” I held up the gingham. “It’s my mom’s.” _Like that clears anything up._

Mori nodded and took the other, hanging it on his neck and reaching around to tie the strings around back. I turned to Honey, figuring he probably hadn’t done this before. I was right. I gave him a big bow in the back, just because it fit his look. As I put on my own apron, I felt something in the pocket. Curious, I pulled out a headband. The one Mom would always use to keep her hair back when we baked. I blinked rapidly, not prepared for the rush of emotion I felt. Giving myself a mental shake, I put the headband on. _Only practical._ When I was satisfied I had my shit together and both the boys were wearing aprons that fit, I faced the sink.

_Hm. This is kind of high for Honey. Wait…_ I bent down and opened the cabinet underneath, taking out the footstool I used when I was little, to reach things. I put it in front of the sink. “Okay, time to wash our hands. Honey-kun, you can use this stool.”

He stepped up onto it. I bent over him, turning on the water and holding my hands under the stream. I reached for the soap pump, lathering. Honey waited. _For my instructions?_ “Here,” I said, taking his hands in mine and putting them under the faucet. After rinsing them, I lathered them with the soap on my hands, and then rinsed both of our hands the final time. I straightened up, looking for the hand towel, when it appeared in my line of vision. _Handy Mori._

“Thanks, Mori-kun.” He sort of hummed in response. I dried Honey’s hands, then mine, slinging the towel onto my shoulder afterwards.

_Focus._ “Okay, Honey-kun, while Mori-kun washes his hands, we can get the box and start reading the instructions.” I turned to the pantry, poking around for the mix. _Probably in the back. We haven’t exactly been in a brownie mood lately… Aha! Found it._ I turned back around, reading the box. “Okay, first thing we need to decide is if we want ‘fudgy’ brownies or ‘cake-like’ brownies, because we prepare them differently.” _I wonder which one Honey will choose._

“Cake-like brownies!” _Shocker._

I turned to the audience I had almost forgotten was present. “Is everyone cool with that? We can always try fudgy another time.” Everyone agreed. I made sure to look Mori in the eye, just to be sure, but he only dried his hands on the towel, calmly. _When did he take that off my shoulder? Shouldn’t I have felt it happen?_ “Okay. Now we preheat the oven to 177 Celsius so it’ll be ready to bake the brownies when we’re done.” I bent down, turning the dial to the correct degree, then I straightened and read further on the box. “While that’s happening, I need to spray the pan we’ll use with non-stick spray.”

I scrounged up the square pan Mom and I usually used for brownies. I shook the cooking spray from the closet, spraying it over the sink, away from everyone. I consulted the box again. “Next, we get out three eggs, water, and vegetable oil. Mori-kun, will you get the eggs out of the fridge? They should be on the top left shelf. I’ll get the vegetable oil. Honey-kun, you’ll help me pour.” While Mori did that, I got out the vegetable oil from under the sink and the measuring cup we would need from the cabinet above. I put our mixing bowl, the box, measuring cup, and vegetable oil on the counter where a space was cleared.

I looked at the box for confirmation. “First, we empty the brownie mix into the bowl. Honey-kun, would you like to do that?” He nodded excitedly. I smiled, and pulled the bag of mix out of the box. I moved the footstool so Honey could stand in between me and the counter. I held the bag in front of him. “Here, I’ll hold it and you pull the tabs on top the other way to open it. Be careful, though, because these are prone to explosions if you pull too hard.” Honey nodded, brow furrowed in concentration. He stared at the bag, pulling. For a few seconds, it didn’t give at all. Then, it slid open, and he somehow controlled himself to prevent any mess from happening.

_Why do I get the feeling he employed his fabled martial arts skills?_ “That was so good, Honey-kun! Much better than the first time I did that.” _I made a mess._ He grinned up at me. “Now you can pour it into the bowl.” Honey eagerly complied, resulting in a small cloud of powder. “Nice job! You got it all in the bowl, and barely any cloud!” I turned to Mori for the eggs, which he had been holding patiently during our antics. “Thanks, Mori-kun. Those go next. Would you put them on the counter here, please?” I indicated a space in front of me.

When he did so, I picked up an egg. “Now, we each get one egg. I’ll go first. The trick is to crack the egg on a flat surface, like the counter, rather than an edge. I washed it before we started, so we’re good.” I hit the egg on the counter with a quick rap. Holding it over the bowl, I put my thumbs in the cracked side, emptying the contents into our bowl. I tossed the eggshell into the container we used for compostable materials, stepping aside to make room in front of the bowl. “Who wants to go next?”

“I do!”

“Okay, Honey-kun. So you watched me, now you get to try. Don’t worry about getting it perfect, yeah?” I stepped up behind him as he picked up the egg. I held his hand in mine gently, just to show him the motion again. “Just do it quick, but not too hard. Take it easy because you can always try again.” I stepped away. His brow furrowed like it did when he poured the powder. He concentrated on the egg, doing a few dry runs before he brought it down lightly. When he brought it up to look, the egg was barely cracked. He looked back at me. I smiled and encouraged, “One more time just like that, and it’ll be ready, Honey-kun.” He faced the counter again, and repeated the process. Then he brought the egg over the bowl, and opened it. Mimicking me, he tossed the shell into the compost bucket.

“Great! You’re such a fast learner, Honey-kun! Now it’s Mori-kun’s turn.” Honey stepped off the stool and I dragged it away from the counter. Mori stepped up, silent as always, and picked up his egg. Rather than trying to do it in one go, Mori hit the egg on the counter lightly twice in a row, then broke it over the bowl and tossed the shell. I smiled at him and said “Awesome! Now let’s check what’s next.” I paused as I read the box. “Okay, next is water. Mori, will you get the pitcher out of the fridge? It should be in the right door.” Mori turned and opened the door, returning with the pitcher.

After thanking him, I glanced at the box again. “One-third cup of water. That means we pour until we get to that line.” I indicated the corresponding mark on the measuring cup. I picked up the pitcher and started pouring. When it was getting close, I started slowing down, bending until I was eye-level with the mark. I felt the need to explain “I gotta do this to make sure I don’t pour too much.” When it looked right, I straightened up and asked Honey, who was the perfect height, “Does that look right, Honey-kun?” He studied the cup intently, then turned to me and nodded, smiling. 

“Okay, you pour that into the bowl while I put the pitcher back in the fridge.” I turned to do so, but Mori wordlessly and gently took the pitcher from me and replaced it himself. “Oh, thanks, Mori-kun.” I turned back to Honey, who had just set the measuring cup back down. “Next is the oil, I believe.” I double-checked the box and nodded, satisfied. “We can use the same measuring cup because it was only water, and they’re both going into the bowl, anyway.” With that, I unscrewed the lid on the oil. “Now, one-half cup.”

I did the same as I did with the water, including asking Honey for confirmation. He seemed to enjoy his new job. When I was done, I poured the oil into the bowl and checked the instructions. “Now, we stir it until it’s smooth and well-mixed, but no bubbles. Who wants to do that?” Mori stepped forward, taking the wooden spoon I had produced for the job and started mixing. _He’s obviously done this before, and here I am treating him like a total novice. Nice job, Anne._ “Okay, now I’ll just check the oven…it’s ready, so when the batter’s ready, we can pour it into the pan and bake it.”

“Then we can lick the bowl while we wait!”

_I should’ve known._ I shook my head. “Sadly, we can’t, Honey-kun. We used raw egg in the batter and that’s not safe to eat. But the brownies will only take half an hour to bake, and then they need to cool. You’ll be having your first brownie in less than an hour.” _And that’ll have to be enough._ To avoid seeing the inevitable disappointment I had caused, I looked over at Mori…and his finished batter. “Wow, that’s great, Mori-kun! It’s smooth, no powder or bubbles. Here, do you wanna hold the bowl while I scrape it into the pan?”

Of course, he didn’t answer, but he did hold the bowl steady while I poured. When we were done, I got out the oven mitts. Without prompting, Mori opened the door, and I slid the pan in. He closed the door, and I set the microwave timer to go off in thirty minutes. When I turned around, I saw Mori running water over the leftover batter in the bowl, next to a put-out Honey. _That boy sure moves quick. Both of them._ I put the rest of our utensils in the sink after rinsing them off. Then, I announced we should now wash our hands with warm water because we had been handling raw ingredients. After waiting for the water to warm up, we repeated our hand-washing routine. When we were done, I hung up the towel to dry, and started to untie my apron when I heard a voice for the first time in a while.

“By all means, keep that on. It fits the aesthetic so well.” _What is Kyoya talking about?_

I froze. “What?” _Good. Very incisive._ “We’re done baking. There’s no further need for an apron.”

“But Kyoya--senpai is right, Anne-senpai. You’re so cute in your various outfits.”

“One big happy family. Now I see why you didn’t want anyone else in the kitchen.”

I tried to not blush. _What are the twins trying to say?_ “We were baking, you two. We needed aprons. That’s all.” 

“So it had nothing to do with the little family dynamic you three have going on?” _I’ve decided I hate unison. Alert the media._

I tried to play it off while avoiding looking at Honey or Mori at all costs. “I think you already have a family dynamic in this friend group. Right, Tamaki? Kyoya? Haruhi?” _Please leave this alone. Or it’ll all fall apart._

“I was unaware that a friend group could have no more than one, Anne-senpai.” _Whatever, Kyoya._

“I think it’s adorable!” _Of course you do, Tamaki._

“They’re just jealous that they had to watch you three have all the fun, Anne-senpai.” _Thanks, Haruhi. I can always count on you to be in my corner._

“Annie-chan?”

_I have no idea what to expect._ I turned around to see Honey up on Mori’s shoulders, both still wearing aprons. “Yes, Honey-kun?”

“Can we keep wearing the aprons a little while longer?”

_Why would he ask that? Is he doing it for me?_ I tried to understand his expression, but I had never been very good at reading people. “…Of course, Honey-kun. If you like.” I busied myself by wiping down the counters and loading the dishwasher, trying to ignore the flush in my cheeks, hoping it would go away.

“Yay! Isn’t that great, Takashi?”

“Yeah.”

_I honestly have no idea what’s going on right now._ Figuring this was as good a time as any, I asked, for hopefully the final time, “So, what brings you all to my neck of the woods? Last time I asked, we got sidetracked.” _By Kyoya announcing my medicinal needs to the world._

Kyoya seemed to know I was thinking about him, because he answered. “Why are you so convinced we have a reason for coming here, Anne-senpai?”

I shrugged. “I believe there’s a reason for everything, even if we can’t understand it ourselves.” _And that’s our philosophy tidbit of the day._ “So…?”

“We just wanted to see you, Anne-senpai. It’s been so long.” _Hm._

“You saw me yesterday, Tamaki-san. But if that’s the answer you’re going with, what do you plan to do now that you’re here?”

That seemed to stump him. _Guess he didn’t think that far ahead._ “Well…what do you usually do on the weekend, Anne-senpai?”

_Nothing. It’s blissful._ “Sleep. Homework. Music. I think that about covers it.”

Tamaki’s eyes lit up as he spun around. _How does he do that? Is he always wearing heelies or something?_ “Then that is what we shall do as well, Anne-senpai! We will spend a day in your life!”

_What? No. No, you won’t. You can’t._ Before I could respond to that troubling declaration, one of the twins interrupted. “Anne-senpai, if the apron you’re wearing is your mom’s, whose is Honey’s?”

The question was odd, but better than the alternative. “It was mine from when I was younger.”

He smirked. “So, whose is Mori’s?”

_Fudge. I think I know where he’s going with this._ I tried to deflect. “Both my dad and my brother use it.” _But usually my dad, because my brother’s gone now. Won’t be telling you that, though._

Now, his twin joined in. “Ohhhhh, how cute,” he cooed. “Anne-senpai is the mommy, Mori-senpai is the daddy, and Honey-senpai is their little child.”

“Yeah, you can tell how Anne-senpai is always teaching Honey-senpai things, and Mori-senpai stands off to the side stoically.”

_Well, **that’s** not an accurate description of Mori or Honey’s helpfulness._ I could feel my fists clench behind the counter. _Why do they keep pushing this? It can’t happen so leave it be._ “That is biologically impossible, considering we’re all the same age. Besides, Honey-kun already has parents, and Mori-kun and I are certainly not them.”

The twins pouted. “No need to get worked up, Anne-senpai.” 

“It was just a joke.”

“What’s a little roleplaying between friends, really?”

_I have to get out of here. Away from this subject._ Glancing at the microwave timer, I confirmed that I had time before the brownies would require my presence.

“Excuse me, you guys. I need to use the bathroom.”


	13. A Day in the Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruhi is a good friend.

I rushed off without waiting for their answers. Once in the bathroom, I sat on the toilet with the lid down, face in my hands and trying to get myself together. _Is this a panic attack? No, it doesn’t feel that way. More like…a breakdown. But from what? What is wrong with me? I mean, besides the obvious? The twins were just teasing. It’s not actually real._ I took a deep breath. _But that’s what sad, isn’t it? I want it to be real. Not in the same way, but…I want to be close to them. I like taking care of Honey, and spending time with Mori. But they already have each other, and the Host Club. That’s what hurts._

I nodded to myself. _That makes sense. I want to be close to them and I can’t. Well, now that I know that, I’ll just have to get over it. Yup. That’s all._ I sighed. _I’m so screwed._ And that’s when I heard a knock at the door. “I’ll be out in a minute,” I called. 

“Anne-senpai? It’s Haruhi. May I come in?”

_Fudge._ I sighed, but unlocked the door, standing up. Haruhi closed the door behind her, and looked at me. “What’s wrong?”

I tried to smile reassuringly. “Nothing. I’m fine.” She just looked at me. _Yeah, I figured it wouldn’t be that simple._ “It’s my headband.” _What?_

Haruhi blinked. “What?”

_Same, my friend._ “When I found the headband in my mom’s apron pocket…it reminded me of when we used to bake together…before I got sick.” _Okay, well, that’s true. Where will I go next with this?_ “It made me think of…how I used to be. Before. I was a happy kid.” _I think. Not really sure anymore. It feels like I’ve always been this way, and I can’t remember how to not be._

Haruhi’s expression turned from confusion to sympathy. “Oh. I see.” She paused. “I know what you mean. Sometimes…I can’t remember what it was like when my mom was living. It feels like I’ve always been missing her.” _Wow. Thank you for sharing that with me. It took courage._ Haruhi’s face became confused again. “But…why did the twins’ teasing upset you, then?”

_No way I’m getting into that. Let’s go with a different truth._ “They were teasing me about being Honey-kun’s mom, but…I don’t think I’ll ever have that chance. Being a mom, I mean. And that’s something I realized recently, so I’m not totally over it yet.” _Don’t think I ever will be._

“Why do you think you’ll never be a mother, Anne-senpai?”

_How do I put this?_ “There are things that I feel are necessary for being a mother…that aren’t possible for me.” _Like having a partner. Or sex. Or romantic love._

Haruhi looked at me intently. _Yeah, I know. Sorry for the cryptic answer, but I won’t say any more._ Finally, she said, “Well, I hope you’re mistaken, Anne-senpai. Because I know you’d be a great mom.”

_Right in the feels._ I smiled, my eyes suddenly feeling wet. _You have no idea how much that means to me._ “Thank you, Haruhi-chan.”

She smiled back warmly. “You’re welcome, Anne-senpai.” 

_What a great moment._ “We should probably be getting back. Before my kitchen burns down or something.”

She chuckled at that. “Yeah. You’re right. Let’s go.”

The twins greeted us: “So, girls go to the bathroom in groups even at home?”

“Who’d have thought, right?” _Oh, you two think you’re so funny._

“I’ve told you: in my house, we do what I want. My parents are on a business trip until tomorrow night, so what I say, goes.”

“No parents until Sunday night!?”

“We’re definitely having a sleepover!” _Stop right there, you ginger devils._

“No, we’re not. I don’t have the supplies, and you’re not bringing any. When the day ends, you return to your houses.”

“You’re heartless, Anne-senpai."

“Yeah, no fun.” _Boo hoo._

“This is what I’m like at home, boys. If you don’t like it, you know where the door is. I assume you know how to use it.” 

The rest of the day passed in a blur of brownies, homework, and nerves. After I showed Honey how to test if the brownies were done with a toothpick, we waited for them to cool. Honey tried to wheedle around that, but I was adamant. I told him Mori would not be happy with me if he got burned. Of course, that led to Tamaki gushing about how cute we were, and the twins teasing us about being an old married couple, while I just tried to keep it together without needing another bathroom break. 

I could feel Haruhi looking at me sympathetically, like she knew what I was thinking, so I abruptly asked everyone which brownie they’d like. When all the boys accustomed to showing emotion looked at me like I was crazy (haha), I explained that there were different kinds of brownies according to where they were in the pan. I told them that the center brownie was the most popular, because none of the sides were hardened due to contact with the side of the pan. “However, this particular center brownie is reserved for Mori-kun or Honey-kun, because they helped me bake and I prefer edge pieces, anyway.”

Unfortunately, this just led back to the twins whining about how they were my favorites and such. Trying a different strategy, I simply redirected my speech at everyone else and ignored them. “Now, we could simply cut off all the edges, but that would make the brownies smaller and I prefer bigger brownies, personally.” Everyone listening agreed. I continued by adding that warm brownies fresh out the oven were the best kind, anyway. This reminded Honey that he was still waiting for his brownies, and he started pleading to try them again. Since it had finally been long enough, I agreed and cut the pan into nine pieces, three rows of three.

Mori set the center brownie in front of Honey, which was what I had expected to happen. I had also predicted that Mori, Haruhi, and I would be the ones eating corner pieces, which also came true. Everyone else had edges, and everyone loved the brownies. I could tell. Kyoya **smiled,** and I’m pretty sure Mori did too, fleetingly. Tamaki gushed, the twins said they guessed that they were all right, for commoner food, Haruhi complimented me on my baking, and Honey kept thanking me over and over again for making it for him. When I reminded him that he and Mori had done it, too, he smiled especially wide.

After we were done (and I pretended not to see Mori sneak Honey the extra brownie), I left the pan in the sink to soak and asked them what they planned to do now. As it turned out, Tamaki was serious about living a day in my life, because he repeated that they’d do whatever I would do normally. When I reminded him that that meant **homework,** on the **weekend,** he didn’t even bat an eye (though the twins did). When I went to my room and got my school things just to show that I meant business, the living room was filled with high-schoolers and their homework. _I bet Kyoya prepared for this eventuality by bringing everyone’s stuff in his limo or something._

No one talked about my slow pace, or my difficulty concentrating, or how often I asked for help. Usually, when I worked or studied, I would talk out loud like I was teaching someone else, but I didn’t want to disturb anyone, so I refrained. At around three in the afternoon, I realized that I hadn’t eaten lunch, and I started panicking internally trying to figure out how to play it off or explain. However, Kyoya proved to be omniscient once again by choosing that time to announce that it was getting late, and he doubted if I had the ingredients or skill to make dinner for eight people. 

He therefore suggested that they take themselves off my hands. I was somewhat miffed by this, though it was all true. Some of the club (Tamaki and the twins) put up a bit of a fight, but Kyoya used his ‘mom’ powers to make sure what he wanted to happen, happened. After they had finally left, I warmed up some leftover pizza, then brushed my teeth. I was feeling worn out, not just tired, but I figured that was because I wasn’t used to entertaining people for hours on end by myself. 

Since my head was kinda foggy, I decided to take a nap. I didn’t have anything else to do, thanks to our study session, so there was no harm. When I woke, I’d probably just listen to some music and then go to bed for real. I didn’t fall asleep right away; rather, I basked in the rare feeling of having nothing to do and doing nothing. I thought about my day, and actually felt proud of how I had done, which was different. I had survived. 

And now, I could rest for a bit…


	14. Oops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things come out into the open.

I woke up the next morning with a pressure headache, stuffy nose, sore throat, cramps, and the inability to sleep anymore. I blinked a few times, trying to clear my mind. _Man, unfocused and wide awake is a heady combination. Pun intended._ I groaned and rolled out of bed. Once standing, I felt a rush of liquid between my legs. _Well, fuck._

Luckily, I was wearing a pad because I had expected to start any day. What I hadn’t expected was to start my period the same morning I came down with a cold. A surprise cold. _Fuck._ And then there was a knock at the door. _Peachy._ I sighed. _Gotta face the music._

When I opened the door, the first thing I heard was two voices saying, “Whoa, Anne-senpai, did you have a drunken one-night stand last night?”

“Nope.” I remembered that I hadn’t taken my meds yet, so I went back to my room to get a pill. When I returned, I went through to the kitchen rather than where everyone was standing in the living room. 

As I got out a mug and mix to make cocoa, I heard Tamaki ask tentatively, like he was scared of something, “Is that…instant coffee, Anne-senpai?”

“No. It’s cocoa. I don’t drink coffee.” I said it without heat, just answering his question.

“Oh, is that too ‘commoner’ for you, Anne-senpai?”

“No, Hikaru-san. I don’t drink coffee because it’s not good for my heart.” I became thoughtful. “Well, I don’t really have proof that it makes my anxiety worse, but it seemed like an easy thing to cut out, just in case.”

I got out the milk from the fridge, still thinking. “I’d offer you some, but I don’t want to get you sick.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works, Anne-senpai.” 

I looked uncomprehendingly at Haruhi, then laughed hard when I got it. “I don’t mean mentally, Haruhi-chan. You’re right, that’s not contagious. I meant my cold.”

“Jeez, Anne-senpai, if you didn’t want to hang out with us, you could just say so.”

“Yeah, no need to make something up. We’ll leave if you want.”

I smiled. “I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not. I’m not trying to get rid of you by lying, though it would probably be in your best interest to leave if you don’t want to get sick. I don’t know how to prove that to you right now, but I’m sure it’ll become obvious soon.”

Haruhi regarded me closely. “Anne-senpai, you seem…different this morning.”

I tilted my head, thoughtful. “You’re right. I do feel kinda loopy. Maybe it’s the blood loss. I also didn’t drink much yesterday.” I mused conversationally. 

Suddenly, Mori was in front of me, holding my face and looking me over. Honey called out “Are you injured, Annie-chan?!?”

I laughed again, realizing what I had said. I put my hands over Mori’s, trying to explain. “I’m sorry, that was silly of me to say. I’m not hurt. And I don’t know how to explain it without making everyone uncomfortable.” When Mori didn’t stop his evaluation, I tried again. “Mori…I’m…menstruating. Sorry.” I turned away before I could see how anyone had reacted. Instead, I got out the water pitcher from the fridge and poured a full glass. When I returned the pitcher and faced the group again, I saw that the twins looked grossed out, Haruhi looked empathetic, Tamaki looked like he didn’t know how to react, Kyoya was as calm as always, and Honey was on Mori’s shoulders like nothing was wrong. Mori was indifferent other than a slight pink tinge in his cheeks.

I shrugged. “Sorry.” I picked up my pill and drank some water with it, emptying half the glass. “I didn’t know how else to explain it.”

Kyoya spoke up, then. “No need to apologize for a natural occurrence that you can’t control, Anne-senpai.”

I smiled at him. “Thanks, Kyoya-san. Actually, I’m surprised you didn’t already know. You seem to know everything else.” Which didn’t bother me right then. As I put my cocoa in the microwave, something occurred to me. “What time is it right now?”

“Eight in the morning.”

“Well, fuck.” Nearly everyone looked surprised by my response. “I apologize. It seems whatever is making me act out of character is also making me more profane than usual.”

“Can you imagine what would happen if we put this Anne-senpai in a locked room with a tired Mori-senpai, Karou?”

Karou clapped his hands to his face and gasped. “It’d be hysterical!”

“Yeah, I would pay to see that.”

I shrugged. “I don’t understand the reference to Mori-kun, but on the topic of swearing, I just don’t like using those words where others would do. Language is meant to help us express ourselves, so I just try to never need them. However, sometimes they are the most accurate. I did go to public school, you know. I’m no stranger to profanity.”

The twins smirked at me. “You’re very philosophical, aren’t you Anne-senpai?”

I stirred my cocoa. “I’m not sure what you really mean. That’s just how my mind works.” I looked up as I drank deeply, savoring the chocolate. “So, what can I do for you?”

Tamaki looked sad. “Why is it that you think we want something from you, Anne-senpai?”

I furrowed my brow. “Everyone wants something, Tamaki-san. That’s not a bad thing. You can want someone to feel better, or be healthy, or laugh. People can try to benefit each other in addition to reaping benefits for themselves. I’m sorry if I offended you by implying that you wanted to take something from me for your own ends. I didn’t mean to.”

Kyoya smoothly interjected. “Before all that, Anne-senpai, have you taken your medicine today?”

“You saw me do so, Kyoya-san.”

“And have you eaten?”

“As I said yesterday, Kyoya-san, I haven’t done much of anything yet. I just woke up when you came.”

“Then we will wait our activities until you have eaten breakfast, Anne-senpai.”

“This cocoa is my breakfast, Kyoya-san.”

“Anne-senpai—“

“This isn’t about me being not hungry this time, Kyoya-senpai. I am full right now. I don’t want to go into details, because they’re not pleasant. Let’s just say my cold dictates that I can’t eat. I will later. Maybe. If I feel up to it. But right now, I’m drinking cocoa. Okay? Thank you for your concern.” I smiled.

“What was that about?”

“Yeah, Kyoya-senpai asked you those same questions yesterday. What gives?”

“He’s just looking out for me. Making sure I remember my pill, and that I eat even when I’m not hungry. Though I’m not sure why he doesn’t do it privately.” The last sentence was more talking to myself than the room at large.

“…What do you mean, eat when you’re not hungry, Anne-senpai? That doesn’t sound healthy.”

I looked into Tamaki’s worried violet eyes. “I don’t really get hungry anymore, Tamaki-san. So, I tend to eat according to what time of day it is. Sometimes I slip up, though. And need reminding.”

“How do you not get hungry, Anne-senpai?”

I shrugged. “I don’t really know what to tell you, Haruhi-chan. What I guess is that it’s related to the chemical imbalance in my brain that’s causing my depression. All I’m told for certain is that it’s a symptom. Actually, that’s really what tipped me off that something was wrong with me.”

I lost myself in memory. “Last year, I got to go study abroad in America with my brother, as part of his early graduation. The first semester was okay, even though I wasn’t doing as well in my classes as usual. But he was there, so I was okay. Then, the second semester, he went to study in a different part of America, and I was on my own, in a new place, without family. I was tired all the time, and I had trouble focusing on school, but I thought I was just being a lazy teenager.”

I looked into my cocoa. “I used to eat whenever I was hungry, because my schedule changed from day to day, and it was hard to eat at the same time all the time. I started noticing, though, that time would pass, and it’d be later than I usually ate, and I still wasn’t hungry. I’d accidentally skip meals because my body wasn’t telling me it was hungry. Then, when I did eat, I’d get full really quickly.” I sipped my cocoa, pensive. “I tried eating more, but that didn’t change how I felt. It was actually kinda scary, cuz I used to eat as much as my brother when I was younger, but suddenly I was losing weight. Other girls would tell me I looked good, but that made me feel worse, because I knew the reason they thought that was a sign that something wasn’t right. That’s when I made an appointment with the counselor.”

I looked up to see everyone had various levels of horror on their faces, ranging from mild worry (Kyoya) to fearing for my life (Tamaki). For the first time that morning, I felt panic start in my stomach. Putting my empty mug in the sink, I said as calmly as I could “Something tells me that I’m going to be very cross with myself for telling you that when this is all over, so I’m going to my room now. Bye.” And I ran. All the way to my bedroom. But when I turned to close my door, it was blocked by…Honey, of all people. “Honey-kun, what are you doing—“

I was cut off when he launched himself at me, wrapping his limbs around my torso like a koala on a tree. Instinctively, I hugged him to my body so he wouldn’t fall. He buried he face in my neck. I turned into my room so I could deposit him on my bed. “Honey-kun, I don’t want to get you sick—“

This time, I was interrupted when I was picked up from behind and placed sitting on my bed, Honey still in my lap. When I tried to scoot him off, he continued clinging to me, not budging. “Honey-kun—“ I said, trying to persuade him to do what I wanted.

“Anne.”

I looked up to face Mori, who was obviously the person who had put me on the bed. “Don’t.” _No moving Honey, then._

“I’ll get him sick, Mori-kun,” I tried to reason with him on behalf of his cousin.

“I don’t care, Annie-chan! Why did you want to leave us? Did we do something wrong?” I could feel my neck getting damp, and when Honey looked up into my eyes, I could see proof of why. I stroked his hair, trying to calm him down.

“I don’t **want** to leave you, Honey-kun. You did nothing wrong, and I’m sorry for upsetting you. I just didn’t want to see what my words did to you.” I cupped his cheek. “I don’t want to be the reason you’re not smiling, Honey-kun.” Trying to alleviate the tension I had caused, I stage-whispered “We both know Mori-kun would not be happy with me.”

“Surely, you know that you can tell us anything, right, Anne-senpai? We’re your friends!” Tamaki entreated me earnestly. So, the rest of the club had followed us.

I looked at him with a sad smile. “I appreciate that, Tamaki-san. But I wonder, can I also do the opposite?”

“What do you mean, Anne-senpai?”

“Yeah, clarify that.”

“I mean, boys, if what makes me feel better is **not** telling you what’s going on with me, would you accept that?”

“Anne-senpai, I don’t think keeping it all in is good for you.”

“I’m not keeping it all in, Haruhi-chan. I talk to my psychiatrist, and my parents, and sometimes my brother. I’m even still in contact with some friends from my previous school.”

“If you can tell them, Annie-chan, why can’t you tell us?”

I looked into Honey’s eyes. “I’d rather not tell anyone, Honey-kun. No one should have to deal with this, especially if you don’t even have it yourself. But I’m resigned that I need to let it out somehow, so I’ve set up a network of people I can talk to. I talk to my friends from my previous school because they’ve also gone through it.” I took a deep breath, and looked around at the rest of the Hosts. “My main consolation, the thing that helps me cope, is that most people don’t know about this thing I have. Believe it or not, it’s comforting to me that no one can know what exactly it’s like for me. I tell people who need to know the necessary details, but everything else is solely mine.”

I looked back at Honey sitting in my lap. “That’s why I left the kitchen. I was upset that I had told you something you didn’t need to know, and moreover, it made you unhappy.”

“Well, we obviously would prefer to know how you’re doing, Anne-senpai… but we also can’t force you to tell us anything.”

I looked at Kyoya, wondering how much exactly he knew, but also being grateful that I was in the dark. “I’m sorry that I can’t do what you want, Haruhi-chan. Just know that this is what I want, how I deal with what I have. If you wonder how I’m doing, trust that I’m all right, because I am.”

I smiled, trying to convince them. “If I need help, I ask for it. Just knowing that you’re here for me is enough.”

“Good. Because we are.” Honey looked up at me, pouting like he could force my problems away with the power of his childish tenacity. I just smiled at him, warmed by his concern for me.

“So! Anyway, I assume there was a reason you all came here today?” I looked around, wondering who would answer, and what they would say.

“As I understand it, we had planned on taking you to my family’s private theme park.” Kyoya, as usual, had risen to the challenge.

“Well, that’s very sweet of you, but I’ll tell you right now that it’s not possible for me to go today.”

“But, Anne-senpai, it’s meant to be good for your health! It might help!”

I smiled. “Thanks, Haruhi-chan, but I’d rather rest in bed. I need to be ready to return to school tomorrow, and trekking to a new place doesn’t seem like the best idea for me.” I looked down at Honey. Seeing that he was about to protest, I said, “How about this: you go, and come tell me about it, so that I know what to expect when I can come.”

“Anne-senpai, we are hardly in the habit of leaving one of our own behind while the rest of us go and have fun! I won’t allow it!”

“And I won’t allow you to do otherwise, Tamaki-san! Go and have fun so that you can make me envious enough that I’ll have to go next time!”

“Now that sounds like a plan!”

“I thought you two would like it. Now, go before I get you sick! I need to live vicariously through you!”

As the group was leaving my room, I called out “Mori-kun? Kyoya-san? May I speak to you two privately for a moment?” Both boys nodded, and Haruhi ushered the rest of the club out the door, closing it behind her. Once they were gone, I got to the point: “Both of you care about the club in general, but additionally have a more personal investment in it, as well.” I turned to Kyoya. “Kyoya, you are in charge of the financial aspect of the club, not to mention many other things I’m sure you do behind the scenes, and you’re also close to Tamaki, who cares about everyone, especially Haruhi.”

I turned to Mori. “Mori, you’re the protector of the club, and devoted to Honey, though you also seem to take care of Haruhi on occasion.” I faced both of the boys. “I want to talk to you both about my chosen coping strategy. I realize that Tamaki, Haruhi, and Honey are all very empathetic people, and therefore more easily affected by negativity. They are the kind of people I think of when I choose to not broadcast my problems.” I took a deep breath. “And I need your help. I’m sorry that I need to ask for it, especially from you, Kyoya-san, because you already carry some of my weight. But I told you I would ask if I needed to, so I am. Our friends are smart people. I know that they’ll realize even if I never talk about the bad days, they still happen. I was hoping that you two could…keep an eye on how they’re doing, since I’m sure you already do, and let me know if they need reassurance?”

I waited for a response. Unsurprisingly, it was Kyoya. “You certainly do ask a lot, Anne-senpai. May I inquire why go through any of this rather than simply being honest with your friends? I’m surprised that the girl who lectured us on consent, gender identity, and being queer would perpetuate the social stigma surrounding mental illness.”

I gave him a small smile. “I would agree with you, if my mental illness was solely my problem, or inherently without issue, as my queer identity is. But it’s not. It affects other people besides myself, and it is harmful to me and the people around me. Therefore, I reject your parallel. Moreover, I tried the open approach at my last school. I talked about it, and owned it, and even included it in a presentation I gave in class. But I was told to keep the personal information for the ‘trained professionals’.”

I looked down at my hands. “I originally resented such advice, but I came to see the merit of it soon enough. Seeing my parents’ faces when I told them I was sick, and the guilt that told them it had to be something they’d done to cause it. I know from experience that people get tired of hearing that you had a week of bad days, all in a row. And then you have a good day, and to them, that means you’re getting better. So next time when you have eight consecutive bad days in a row instead of seven, they don’t understand what happened. What did you do wrong to make yourself worse?” I looked back up, making eye contact. “I won’t do that to people anymore. I won’t put them through that. My endless bad days, my soul-crushing good days, or the frustrating days where I can’t give them a satisfactory descriptor. It was simply a day. That’s why I’m asking you to do this for me, with me. So more people don’t have to go through it.”

“I notice, Anne-senpai, that you didn’t mention the twins at all?”

I considered that, staring at nothing. “That’s because I don’t know what to make of them. I don’t know how they see me, or what they think of me. I know they like Haruhi, and teasing people, but they seem to keep to themselves.” I redirected my gaze to Kyoya. “Why do you bring that up?”

“Oh, I was just curious. You seemed to have thought of everything else.”

“Right. So, are you in? Will you do it?”

Kyoya pushed his glasses up, flashing them at me. “Yes, I suppose. Though I don’t agree with your premises, I can’t seem to dissuade you from them. I will…keep an eye on Tamaki, as you put it. But you must realize you owe me for the favor of doing this for you.”

I smiled. “Of course, Kyoya-san. Thank you.” I turned to Mori. “What about you, Mori-kun?”

He didn’t say anything. “I’m doing this to protect them, including Honey-kun,” I pushed.

“What about you?”

I blinked. “This isn’t something I can be protected from, Mori-kun. The best I can do is minimize the damage. Will you help me?”

He stared at me, like he was measuring my sincerity or something. Then, he nodded. I was so happy and relieved, I sprang up off my bed and hugged him. “Thanks, Mori-kun!” Feeling how stiff he was holding himself, I quickly backed away, flushing. “You two should join the others, before you’re left behind.”

Kyoya raised an eyebrow. “Unlikely.” Still, he made his way towards the door. Mori did too, after he was done staring at me some more.

I sighed. _I wonder what’s going on in that head of his._ Looking down, I realized I was still in my clothes from yesterday, thanks to my nap-turned-sleep. A quick glance in the mirror told me I also had impressive bedhead. _Suddenly, the twins’ ‘drunken one-night stand’ comment makes sense. Well, I have nothing else to do today. Might as well take a shower._

After I had showered and brushed my teeth, I tried to figure out what to do with the rest of my day. I had finished my homework, with no upcoming tests to study for. I didn’t feel like doing anything in particular. _I should probably eat something. There’s still some leftover pizza in the fridge._ However, after I had microwaved the pizza, eaten it, and put away my plate, I was faced with the same problem. _Think, Anne. What can you do for the hours until dinnertime? I can’t take a nap, because then I won’t be able to sleep tonight…but I don’t feel like doing anything at all. Grrrr._

_I’ll listen to music. Maybe that’ll help me decide what to do._ Back in my room, I booted up my laptop and got on Youtube. _What am I in the mood for? Hmmm… Something that’ll make me want to do something. Or at least get me through…_ I laid down on my bed, reveling in my solitude. _No need for headphones, for once! Okay, time to let the music wash over me. Run through my bloodstream, give me life. Please._

 

Good Fight by Unspoken

Until you stop breathing  
Until you stop bleeding  
Until your heart stops kick drum beating  
When it’s hard times  
When it’s long days  
And the enemy is right up in your face  
When your back’s against the ropes  
And you’re feeling all alone  
Chorus: Keep fighting the good fight  
Never give up  
Never give in  
Keep letting your light shine  
Holding it high  
As long as you live  
Cause I’m never gonna leave you  
Always gonna see you through to the other side  
Keep fighting the good, fighting the good, fighting the good fight, good fight  
Even in the road blocks  
Even through the rough spots  
When you’re feeling you’re giving it all that you’ve got  
I’m with you in the next step  
Giving you the next breath  
I’ll be the voice saying you’re gonna make it  
When you’re out there on your own  
You are never alone  
Chorus  
Just keep on singing  
And keep on dancing  
Joy will be your banner  
And my love will be your anthem  
And you may never know  
What your tomorrow holds  
But you can know that I’m holding your tomorrow  
Keep fighting the good fight  
Keep letting your light shine  
Chorus  
Fighting the good fight

 

I sat up on my bed when the song ended. _Maybe, after my talk with the Hosts, I should write down…what I’m thinking. And feeling. So that I don’t need to talk to anyone about it. Yeah, that sounds healthy and productive. Go me._ I got out an old notebook from my desk, and ripped out the pages that had writing on them, probably from an old class or something. I grabbed a pen rolling around in the desk drawer, then sat and thought about what I should write. With the song in mind, I began:

 

People who want me to get better (I’m in treatment for you): Mom. Dad. Aidan. Evan. Liz. Dr. King. Me. Tamaki. Kyoya. Mori. Honey. Haruhi. Hikaru. Karou. They make me want to get better, because life would be better for them if I was well. I’m ‘fighting the good fight’ for you.

I’ve tried keeping a journal before, but it’s never worked out. I can’t keep up with it. So hopefully, since this is something I’m doing just because I have the time, it’ll be less of a commitment and I’ll do it more.

What do the Hosts see in me? Honey was the first to befriend me, and he barely knew me when he did it. Had he seen or heard something he liked in that brief time, or does he just offer friendship to everyone? I guess it probably helps that we’re the same age. And Mori seems to follow where Honey leads. Not in a mindless way; in a loyal, I’d-do-anything-for-you way. They’re obviously very close, not just cousins, but best friends. I wonder, is it good enough for him that Honey seems to like me? It is high praise. But how did I earn it? He seems very kind, regardless. Always looking after Honey, but also the other Hosts. Especially Haruhi. I wonder if he likes her? In that special way (haha). He seems very devoted to Honey, though. There doesn’t seem to be room for anyone else to be close like that. Honey would definitely have to approve. 

I’m sure Honey likes Haruhi. She is great. Everyone likes Haruhi. She was really helpful to me, and she’s obviously very smart, but humble. She thinks things through for herself rather than referring to anyone else, which is very admirable. It’s enjoyable to talk to her. 

Kyoya is a puzzle, which I’m sure is just the way he wants it. He wants to be seen as an unscrupulous businessman, but anyone who’s friends with Tamaki must share some of his warm heart. In my opinion. I wonder if it bothers him that I insist he’s not whom he says he is? That would bother me. Oops. 

I just don’t understand it. Is it related to upholding his family name? I know he’s the third son, but still working to inherit the business. Whatever happens, I hope he finds happiness. I think Haruhi can help all the Hosts with that. She’s so straightforward and honest. I think she’s good for them.

Tamaki is great. He was a little much to get used to in the beginning, but he’s so kind. Sympathetic, caring. He obviously cares a lot for all the Hosts, especially Haruhi, though I’m not sure in what way. I like that he and Kyoya are friends. I think they balance each other very well. Tamaki has grand schemes, and Kyoya tells him how much the budget will cover. Tamaki is like Honey or Haruhi because he’s so open, with his heart on his sleeve. I suspect there’s something beneath Honey’s open attitude, but that’s just a feeling I have…

I don’t get the twins. I don’t know where I stand with them. They like teasing me, but is it because I’m ridiculous to them, or could it be how they show affection? I wish I could tell them apart, like Haruhi. I feel like a fake twin, even though Aidan and I are fraternal. Do they want to know me better, or are they content I play the fool? They seem to think I take things too seriously (which is not the first time I’ve come across that opinion), so maybe they don’t know I read so much into their tricks and pranks? I’ve just never understood the draw. 

Why would I want to embarrass someone, if I wouldn’t want to be embarrassed myself? Maybe it’s a way to not take yourself too seriously? I guess I just don’t see the point of doing something if you don’t mean it, through and through. People will judge you for it anyway, might as well make it an accurate indication of who you are, right?

Why would the group of most attractive students at Ouran want to spend time with me? Not only that, but they’re smart, and tolerant, and interesting, too. I’ve tried to tell them time and again that I’m not like them, but they don’t seem to care. How long will it take them to get tired of me? Will I be able to handle it? How would they let me know they’ve had enough?

I hope Mori and Kyoya take my request seriously. I figured they’d appreciate my desire for privacy and discretion. Kyoya is obviously hiding things, but I get the feeling that with Mori it’s less that he’s hiding and more that people can’t **see**. He and Honey seem to communicate fine. I get the feeling that they’re both honest but complicated people.


	15. Tol and Smol Cuties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne gets a surprise visit.

In between bouts of writing, I listened to music and watched videos on Youtube, so that now it was dinnertime. _Yay, more pizza._ As I was thinking that, I heard a knock at the door. _I guess I’m just super popular this weekend._ As soon as I opened the door, I was attacked by a small blonde blur.

“Did you miss us, Annie-chan?! Cuz we missed you! Right, Takashi?” Mori merely grunted. Honey conspiratorially spoke into my ear: “Takashi’s getting tired, so he’s trying not to talk, cuz he gets chatty and flirty.”

I situated Honey more comfortably on my hip, then did a mental double-take at what he’d said. I looked at Mori as I replied, “If that’s so, Honey-kun, why are you two here rather than on your way home? It would seem to me that Mori-kun would prefer to be around as few people as possible right now.”

Honey grinned like I had just guessed the right answer on a game show with no hints given. “That’s why we’re here, Annie-chan! If we had gone with the rest of the club, they might have taken advantage of Takashi, and we did promise to tell you how today went! So we came here!”

I blinked at Honey. “You trusted me over the Host Club with this?” _They’ve been your friends for much longer._

Honey shrugged. “Well, you know what it’s like to say more than you want to.”

At that reminder of this morning, and my babbling, and subsequent explanation, I flushed. _Yeah, that’s fair._ I glanced at Mori, then looked between the boys as I said “Well, if you’re really okay with being here, I was just about to microwave some pizza for dinner. Are you boys hungry?” When they both said yes, I headed to the kitchen, Honey still on my hip. I put him down as I washed my hands (no need to give them my cold as well as dinner), then got the pizza from the fridge. “Is it cool with you two that we each get two pieces? I’m afraid that’s all we have left.” My guests assented again, and I proceeded to get plates from the cabinet.

Being in the kitchen seemed to remind Honey of the last time he was there, because he suddenly exclaimed, “Annie-chan! Can we wear the aprons again?!”

I blushed at the memory of the aprons and the teasing they had garnered from the twins, but told Honey, “If you’d like, Honey-kun.”

Mori, who was watching us from the other side of the counter, commented “You’re blushing.”

As I turned to the closet to get the requested garments, I tried to think of something to say. Unfortunately, “Yes, I am” was all that came out of my mouth.

I was in the process of tying Honey’s apron strings into a bow when Mori followed up with “Why?”

Securing my own apron, I decided to go with the simplest true explanation. “It reminds me of how the twins teased us when we wore them yesterday.” I handed Mori the apron he had worn, not sure if he’d put it on. _If Honey’s asking, he probably will._ I was proven right when he started putting it on, without hesitation. He looked thoughtful, but seemed to have dropped the matter. Hoping that was the end of it, I put the first plateful of pizza in the microwave, and started it, turning back to face him while I waited. Honey bounced in excitement beside me.

“But you also blushed yesterday when they teased you.”

_Fudge. That’s true._ I sighed, deciding that I wouldn’t feel right if I was less than truthful to him in his condition. “Yes. I was embarrassed because they described us as a couple, and Honey as our child, and I was worried that that would offend either or both of you.”

This time, Honey spoke up. “Why would that offend us, Annie-chan?”

I looked down into his eyes, which were wide and innocent and questioning. “We haven’t known each other very long. I know Mori-kun doesn’t feel that way about me. And we’re all the same age. I wasn’t comfortable with being placed above you like that. And I didn’t like being reminded that I treat you as if you’re my son or younger relative. You already have a mother; you don’t need a second one. I don’t like that I might be treating you in a way that doesn’t suit you or isn’t healthy.” _That was a lot to tell him._ Seeing that the pizza was done, I turned to the fridge and asked “What would you like to drink, Honey-kun? Milk? Water? Tea?”

“Milk, please.” I figured. I poured him a glass and put the rest back in the fridge, putting the pizza in front of him. _I hope Mori doesn’t mind my serving Honey first. It just seems like the kind of thing he’d approve._ After putting the next plate in the microwave, I turned to face Mori again, having no excuse not to do so. He looked pensive. _Please, drop it._

Honey spoke up from his spot, surprising me. He had been staring contemplatively at his plate. “I don’t understand, Annie-chan. I thought we were friends…”

I turned to him, panic rising in my chest. “Of course we are, Honey-kun! That’s why I was worried!” He looked confused at this explanation, and I wrinkled my forehead, trying to work out how to express what I meant. “The twins made it sound like I wanted more from both of you than just being friends. And I didn’t want you to think that being friends was just a way for me to get something else.” I turned back to Mori, asking “what would you like to drink, Mori-kun?”

“Water, please.”

I busied myself pouring the pitcher from the fridge, replacing it and setting the glass in front of Mori along with his plate of pizza. Putting the last plate in the microwave, I noticed that Honey still hadn’t eaten the pizza. “Is it too hot, Honey-kun?”

“No. I want to wait for yours to be done.” I looked over at Mori to see that he also hadn’t moved to eat, though he was drinking his water. _Like I need more proof they’re gentlemen._

“That’s sweet, Honey-kun, but I don’t want your pizza to get cold waiting for mine to be done. You’re my guests.” Honey didn’t respond.

Instead, he asked “What did you mean, about wanting more than just being friends?”

_Fuck._ I sighed, closing my eyes. _He’s making me say it._ “I meant, they painted it like I wanted to… date Mori-kun, and sort of…adopt you.” 

“And you don’t?”

My eyes flew open. “No! Not that I don’t really like both of you! But I want to be your friend! Not… anything…else.” _Not really…right?_ I turned to get my pizza out of the microwave, avoiding eye contact as I poured myself a glass of water. _Need to stay hydrated. Fight the blood loss._ That thought made a corner of my mouth turn up, thinking of the miscommunication that had happened that morning.

“So you were worried that their comments would make us misunderstand your intentions, and therefore make it awkward between us?” 

I blinked at Mori, impressed with his synthesis of my convoluted reasoning. “Exactly.” I took a tentative bite of my pizza, to tell them they could do the same. They seemed to get the message, because they started eating as well.

The only sounds were chewing until “Do you think I treat Mitsukuni like he’s my son?”

I looked up, startled and taking a few seconds to process what Mori had asked me. “Of course not, Mori-kun! You two are cousins, and best friends!”

“Then why would you think you behave like his mother?”

I struggled to understand what he meant. When I had, I swallowed my pizza and felt my cheeks heat up in a definite blush. _Oh, you worked that out, did you? Both of these boys are too intelligent!_ I took another bite, to give myself time to think and also just to stall my answer. Finally, I said “Because I know how I treat him, how I carry him and hold him, is the same as how I treat my younger relatives when I’m around them.” I was ashamed of my confession.

“…Why’s that a bad thing, Annie-chan? Takashi carries me around places, and holds me. Are you saying…he shouldn’t?”

“No! Of course not! Mori-kun is different!”

“Why?” I looked at the man in question, who was calmly eating his pizza. _His tongue may be looser, but he’s still got that poker face._

Still facing him, I answered Honey “Because! You two are best friends! And cousins! Like I said before.”

“Why would that mean that you can’t or shouldn’t do the same, Anne?”

_Okay, talkative Mori is officially trippy. Not in a bad way, though._ I struggled to articulate my thoughts. “You two have known each other much longer than you’ve known me! Why would I get to do something you two have always done? None of your other friends do it, Honey-kun.”

He shrugged. “None of them have really tried. Neither Haruhi nor Kyoya seem to welcome physical touch, the twins are wrapped up in each other, and Tamaki…” He trailed off, shrugging again. “He hasn’t really tried it.”

I looked at Honey, willing him to understand. “They probably consider it to be something only you and Mori-kun do, Honey-kun. Moreover, you’re older than all of them, so they likely don’t want to be disrespectful.”

“Does that mean you think I’m treating Mitsukuni disrespectfully, Anne?”

I huffed, equally frustrated and anxious at that interpretation. “No! I already told you two, your relationship is different. It’s unique, and you can do things that the rest of us can’t.” _So just drop it!_ I ate more pizza to stave off any further discussion.

No such luck. “But, Annie-chan, I’m telling you that I don’t mind how you treat me. I like it, and I want you to keep doing it, if you want to.” Honey shifted nervously. “Do you? Want to?”

I smiled, exasperated how this adorable person could be unsure of my answer. “Of course I want to, Honey-kun!” _I’m not sure I could stop if I tried._

Honey grinned. “Well, it’s settled then! Yay!” With that, launched himself into my arms. Having become somewhat used to this maneuver, I caught him, looking over his shoulder at Mori.

“Are you okay with it, Mori-kun?”

“Why are you asking me, Anne? It’s not my decision.” I opened my mouth to answer, when Honey pulled back to look at my face.

“Yeah, you always do that. Why?” I blushed, embarrassed that I had apparently established an identifiable pattern. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend. It’s just, I’ve noticed that people tend to only speak to Honey when making decisions. And I know that you two don’t usually disagree; I’ve never seen it happen. I just figure that you’re so close that whatever affects one of you probably affects the other…” I babbled on, trying to not devalue Honey’s or Mori’s opinion.

“Oh, that’s cool! I ask Takashi about things, too! Right, Takashi?”

“Yeah.”

I put Honey back down, striving for levity as I gathered up the plates to put in the dishwasher. “And anyway, we all know that Mori-kun likes small things, so I think it was a valid question.” I smiled, trying to convey I was teasing. When I straightened, however, both boys looked puzzled.

“What do you mean, Anne?”

_Fudge. Nice going. Now you have to explain your joke because it was so bad._ I could feel my new blush bleeding into my previous one as I stuttered “U-uh, just that Mori tends to…Honey-kun and Haruhi-chan are both kinda small…I mean, it’s not d-difficult, ‘cuz Mori-kun is a big guy…probably his protective instincts…” 

Oddly enough, that didn’t seem to clarify things for them. Taking a deep breath and mentally shaking myself, I said bluntly “Mori-kun seems to like people who are…on the small side. Which I’m not. So I was joking…that that might be a problem. I’m sorry, it wasn’t funny.” I looked down, no more chores to occupy myself.

Honey stepped into my vision. _Darn shorty_ . He considered me. “You’re smaller than Takashi!” He declared.

I laughed. “Yeah, that’s true. Though it’s not hard to be.” I started walking to my room, glancing back to make sure they were following. They were. _There’s only so much you can do in a kitchen. Wow, that sounded dirty._ When we got there, I sat on my bed, scooting up to sit against the wall perpendicular to how I slept. Honey climbed up as well, holding out his arms. I smiled, grabbing him and setting him in my lap, so we were kinda nesting. His blonde head fit under my chin, and I relished the comfort of our physical contact. _It’s been so long._ Mori looked at us, his face as unreadable as ever. Looking around the room, he took a seat in my reading chair.

“Mori-kun, you should be on the bed, it has more room!”

Mori didn’t answer that, instead he said suddenly “You’re small around the middle, too.”

I froze, not getting it, and then remained frozen once I realized. “U-um, right.”

Mori tilted his head, like a question. “Do you not agree?”

I shifted uncomfortably. _What is this, Interrogate Anne Day?_ I sighed internally, knowing I couldn’t in good conscience turn it around on him while he was…under the influence of being tired. “Well, I know I’m skinny, I guess. But, I mean, my dresses don’t fit, and--”

“Yes, they do.”

_Did Mori just interrupt me? That’s not like him._ “W-what?”

“Your dresses fit you. I don’t know why you stopped wearing them, but it wasn’t because of that.”

I tried to maintain the thread of my argument. “N-no. They’re too tight, and short, and I don’t look like the other girls—“

“They may fit you differently, Anne, but they do fit you. And you’ll never look like the other girls.”

I ducked my head, hiding my face in Honey’s neck. I could feel the flush, not just in my cheeks, but also in my ears, my neck, I could even feel the warmth radiating in my chest. I felt hot, and tried to calm myself by breathing deeply. _Why did that last sentence hurt so much? I already knew that, it wasn’t news to me._

“The other girls are Japanese, for the most part, so of course you, an American girl, will look different. The dresses weren’t made with you in mind, but you still pulled them off.”

_Pulled them off? Like…looked good?_ I met Mori’s gaze again, totally unsure. “Well, regardless, I prefer wearing the so-called ‘male’ uniform.”

Mori nodded. “Yeah, you look good in that one, too.”

_Oh, fuck. That’s what this is. The flirting Honey was talking about._ I looked down at Honey, hoping to derail this train of conversation. “So, Honey-kun, what are you two gonna do now? Aren’t your families worried about where you are right now?”

Honey cocked his head, but replied “No. We had planned on all spending the night at one of the Hosts’ houses. But that was before Takashi got tired…”

I nodded. “Right. So, what’s the new plan? My parents called earlier to say they were delayed, and would be home sometime tomorrow, so if you’d both like to stay here…”

Honey grinned. “Really? That’d be great! Thanks, Annie-chan!”

I smiled, then a thought struck me. “Wait, we have school tomorrow!”

For some reason, Honey looked sheepish. “Kyo-chan called in and got us excused. Club activities! None of us need to go in tomorrow!” He became serious, “You should stay and get better, anyway, Annie-chan!”

I smiled again, warmed by his thinking of me. I looked up at Mori, still smiling. “Are you okay with staying here tonight, Mori-kun?” Mori nodded. I got the weird feeling that something else was occupying his mind. I looked back down at Honey. “Well, I better get you clothes to sleep in, and toothbrushes. You can use my brother’s bed, it’s bigger than mine and he’s away right now…” I thought out loud, shifting Honey off my lap so I could get off the bed. 

Z _Honey would drown in one of Aidan’s shirts. Hmm…_ I turned to face him. “Honey-kun, do you mind using one of my shirts to sleep? I think it would be best…”

Honey wiggled his toes. “Of course not, Annie-chan! Thank you!”

I smiled, blushing slightly at his gratitude. I went to my closet, searching for a t-shirt that was comfortable, old, small, but not too worn. _Ah._ I pulled out an old shirt from my middle school days. _This should work._ Turning around, I nearly ran into Mori, who had apparently come up behind me to…look in my closet? I quickly shut the door to conceal the vandalized yellow dresses. I walked past him to lay the t-shirt on my bed next to Honey, then faced Mori again. Trying to shake off the anxiety brought on by Mori’s curiosity, I said firmly “Now for you, Mori-kun. You’ll definitely need one of my brother’s bigger shirts. He’s not quite as tall as you.” I walked towards the door, calling over my shoulder “Follow me”. 

I headed to Aidan’s old room, and started rummaging through his closet for a sleep shirt. Preferably, a t-shirt from my dad or a cousin that he hadn’t quite grown into. Sighing in relief, I found what I was looking for: an old band t-shirt Aidan didn’t usually wear, but I sometimes stole to wear as a nightgown. With the prize in my hand, I suddenly realized something that made me blush in embarrassment. _Boys need something more than just a top to sleep in, generally._ Still blushing, I tossed the t-shirt on the bed and dug through Aidan’s drawers for two pairs of boxers that he wouldn’t miss. Turning to face Mori, I held up the boxers, looking down as I said “I hope these work…If they don’t fit, we’ll figure something else out…” I added them to the t-shirt on the bed.

Suddenly, I found myself enveloped in long arms, held against a solid chest and tucked under Mori’s chin. I didn’t look up, frozen in shock and unwilling to disturb our position.

“I like your size. You fit well, here.”

_Here? In his arms? He’s still thinking about my I’m-not-small comment._ I could feel the vibrations of his deep voice as he spoke, muffled by my hair. I cleared my throat nervously. “Th-thanks, Mori-kun.” We shifted again. Now, I was sitting in his lap, held bridal style against his chest.

“Thank you. For everything, Anne.”

“O-of course, Mori-kun.” _He shouldn’t be able to move so quickly when he’s so tired! Darn his life-long martial arts training. Give a girl a little warning!_

His arms briefly tightened around me. “I know you’ve been trying to not make me talk more than usual. And you’ve been saying more than you usually do, to compensate.”

I instinctively burrowed further into his chest, mumbling “Like Honey said, I know what it’s like to say more than you want to. That’s why you came here, right? I’m just being a friend, Mori-kun.” I started squirming for the first time. “That reminds me, I need to get you two toothbrushes.” I looked up, hoping for release. Mostly. Partly. A bit. Not really. After a few seconds of stillness, Mori stood up and set me back down, putting his hands on my shoulders and looking me over. I wasn’t sure what to do under his gaze, so I just coughed and stared blankly forward, saying “I’ll send Honey in here so you two can change while I get the other stuff, okay?” I looked briefly into his eyes for confirmation. He nodded slowly, small-ly, and removed his hands. I left, glad I was gone and wishing I was still there.

Back in my room, Honey had slipped sideways, now laying on my bed. I gently sat him up so I could wrap his arms around my neck, and legs around my waist. I grabbed the shirt he’d use and headed back to Aidan’s room. The door was open, so I didn’t think anything of it and walked in. However, once I set Honey down on the bed, I looked around for Mori so I could tell him Honey might need help changing…and saw his bare back as he took off the shirt he had presumably worn to the theme park.

I whirled around, heading to find the toothbrushes before I saw more. My brain was blank as I rummaged under the bathroom sink, eventually withdrawing two new toothbrushes from an opened package. I walked slowly back to Aidan’s room, knocking timidly on the partly open door before I entered. Thankfully, they were both dressed. I held out the toothbrushes wordlessly, and Mori took both of them. Honey still looked out of it. After I told Mori where the bathroom was, I bid him good night and before I could overthink it, kissed Honey on the forehead. 

I retreated to my room, changing slowly, then half-heartedly tidied my room up a bit, trying to give the boys enough time to get done in the bathroom. When a good ten minutes had passed, I peeked my head out. Seeing that the bathroom was empty, I quickly entered. After my teeth were done, I returned to my bed. Burrowing down into the covers, I prepared for the hours I’d be awake before sleep claimed me. 

Just as I was getting drowsy, and the thoughts that were harder to block away from daylight were quieting down, I saw my door open slowly. Shuffling noises ensued. Then, I heard a small, scared voice whisper brokenly “Annie-chan?”

I leaned toward the dark shape that was more solid than the rest of the room. “Honey-kun? What is it?”

Sniffling noises. “I had a nightmare.”

_Oh._ “Does Mori-kun know?” _That seems like the pertinent question._

“Takashi is asleep. He was really tired.”

_Okay. Well, I guess I can’t just let him into my bed, because Mori would probably freak if he woke up without him…_ “Okay, Honey-kun. Just a minute.” I got out of bed, turning on the light in the bathroom so I could see the way. Taking Honey’s hand, I walked back to Aidan’s room. Heading to the side of the bed without a long lump under the covers, I held up the sheets so Honey could get under them. After he had climbed in, I scooted in after him and tucked the sheets behind me. 

Honey was now in a Mori-Anne sandwich. Wrapping my arms around him and pulling him close, I whispered in his ear “Is this better, Honey-kun?” I felt him nod against me, then squirm a bit, trying to get comfortable. 

_I hope Mori is okay with this…I can’t believe I’m in the same bed as two men…I’m probably going to have trouble sleeping…_


	16. The Morning After (Not That Kind)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lazy time.

The first thing I was aware of was a warm weight draped across my midsection. As sleep started to fall away from my mind, I became cognizant enough to wonder what it was. I had slept alone for most of my life, yet it felt like…someone’s arm on top of me. I blinked slowly, opening my eyes to gather my bearings.

A pair of big brown eyes under a caramel fringe blinked up at me. My eyes widened momentarily in surprise, before I realized it was Honey. He smiled at me. _He’s definitely a morning person. Darn._

“Hi, Annie-chan. Did you sleep well?” He was speaking softly. _Probably doesn’t want to wake Mori up._

“Yes, I did, Honey-kun.” And it was true, for once. “What about you?”

“I slept well, too. We should do this more often!” He looked excited at the prospect.

“Well, we’d have to ask Mori-kun about that.” _And our parents._

“I’m okay with it.”

I tensed in Mori’s arms. _Shoot. He’s awake._ “M-mori-kun! Good morning! Sorry, I didn’t know you were awake, I can leave now. Honey-kun had a nightmare last night, so I thought the best thing to do would be share a bed, and I knew you’d probably prefer to know where he was when you woke up, otherwise we would’ve used my bed, and—“

I had started squirming around, trying to find a way out from under his arm, but it tightened around me. I froze when I heard his voice rumble “I said, I’m okay with it. So, stay still.”

I blushed, but did as he said. Trying to calm my racing heart by focusing on other things, I told Honey “When we got in last night, Honey-kun, I purposely put you in the middle! I thought it’d be the most comforting!”

Honey shrugged mischievously. “It was nice…but we fit better this way, don’t you think, Annie-chan?”

_Yeah, my blush isn’t going anywhere._ “…Yes, I suppose so, but maybe Mori-kun preferred it the other way, Honey-kun! Did you ask him?”

Honey looked a little subdued at that. “But…Takashi said he likes it. Don’t you, Takashi?”

“Yeah. I like it.”

As I was struggling to think of something to do or say, Honey suddenly piped up “Hey! You’re not sick anymore, Annie-chan! That’s great!”

_Yeah. That’s true. At least I’m not getting them sick on top of everything else._ “Yeah, I guess it wasn’t a cold, it was just some…period symptoms.” I could feel the flush on my neck from the embarrassment of mentioning my monthly cycle again. In front of two boys I didn’t know well, but still wanted to be around.

_Speak of the devil._ I winced as I felt pain lance through my abdomen, then settle as a ball of discomfort. _I should go change my pad._ Before I could start getting up again, though, I felt Mori draw his arm back from around me and Honey, to rest it on my stomach. Starting to rub slow circles, he spoke into my ear, “Cramps?”

Suddenly, I was very aware that I was between them in only underwear and a nightgown. No bra, and I could feel his hand’s proximity to my breasts, though he kept it on my stomach. The hem of my dress had hiked up in the night, as usual, and was scrunched up just under my rear rather than around my knees where it belonged. Through all this sensation, I managed to stutter “Y-yeah, but it’s not a big deal, really. I’m used to it. You don’t have to—“

“I know I don’t have to. I want to. Do you mind?” His hand stilled, waiting for my answer.

I admitted quietly “No. No, I don’t mind.” I tried to ease the new tension around us with a joke. “But if you keep doing it, I might fall asleep on you. Again. It doesn’t matter that I just woke up, cuz I’m a champion sleeper.” _For various reasons._

“That’s fine,” He said simply, resuming his ministrations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is as far as I've gotten in writing this fic. Let me know if you'd like me to continue! :)


	17. Travelling in Style

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne, Honey, and Mori start a day out.

I was just relaxing back into him despite myself when I sat bolt upright. “Oh, shit!” I scrambled forward on the bed, down the middle toward the foot. Luckily, Mori and Honey seemed to realize that now was not a good time to get in my way. Stumbling off the bed, I ran on my toes towards my parents’ room and gently tried the doorknob. Thankfully, it was locked. Breathing a quick sigh of relief, I rushed back to Aidan’s room and shut the door as quietly as possible, locking it behind me. I leaned against it, finally looking at Honey and Mori. Neither of them seemed to have moved since the beginning of my little outburst. I stifled a laugh at the absurdity of what had just happened.

I tried to explain myself. “My parents got home last night. I don’t think they’d be thrilled about finding their daughter in bed with two boys they don’t know.” In my head, I silently added that it had never been an issue, and they would know that if they just listened to me, but that seemed like more information than my friends needed to hear. I walked towards Aidan’s closet. “Do you mind if we get out of here before they wake up? I don’t really want to explain everything to them.”

At this, Honey jumped out of the bed. “Yay, we get to sneak around! Like super-secret assassins!” He proceeded to roll off the bed, jumping and posing to illustrate his point.

I smiled despite myself, then turned back to the available clothes. “Do you two mind wearing some more of my brother’s stuff? I’d like to leave as soon as possible.” What I really wanted was to preserve this moment of peace I was having with my two friends. If that meant sneaking out of the house for the first time EVER, then so be it. My parents would just assume I was at school, anyway.

I tossed Mori and Honey the first clothes I thought would fit, then snatched some for myself before returning to my own room to change and take my medication. Looking around, I scooped up my school bag as well so I could have my wallet and keys on me. _Who knows, maybe we’ll even end up going to school today._ Doing one last check of the room for anything I would need, I looked down at myself and realized that I hadn’t put on a bra for the day. But, I didn’t really want to go through the hassle of doing it now, and anyway, the shirt I was wearing was one of Aidan’s: therefore, it was baggier, thicker, and thus hid more than my own did.

Going back to the boys, I checked that they had everything they had come with, and then led them to just outside my front door, holding Honey’s hand. When I saw a limo waiting for us, I turned to them both in confusion. Honey gave me a sunny smile. “I told you we’ve been excused for the day! There’s a Host Club event happening at Hika and Karou-chan’s, so Kyo-chan sent a car for us!”

As he pulled me with his surprising strength, I decided that asking how the fluff Kyoya could know we would need a car at this particular moment could wait until after more pressing questions. I was already in the car, sitting between Honey and Mori before I managed to ask “What’s the event? And why don’t I know about it?”

Honey beamed up at me. “It’s their mom’s annual fashion show! You probably don’t know about it because all the details are handled by Kyo-chan and Hitachiin-san. The Host Club just goes so we can be seen because lots of Ouran students come to the show. If they don’t already know about us, it’s a great place for them to meet us!”

I felt my gut clench with uneasiness. I wanted to look out the window to gather my thoughts, but had to settle for staring at my hands resting in my lap. “So…we’re going to a fashion show…at the twins’ place…and it’s going to be attended by people from school?” Thankfully, my voice didn’t shake noticeably, though it was weaker than I wanted.

A large hand covered my fidgeting fingers. I looked up into Mori’s face. He didn’t say anything, but he also didn’t move his hand. I was definitely glad of that. The warmth was grounding and comforting.

“Yeah! It’s gonna be a lot of fun, Annie-chan!” Honey bounced in his seat.

I tried to smile at him as best I could. I was used to smiling to reassure people, so hopefully the practice had paid off. “I’m sure it will be, Honey-kun.” _No need to lower his spirits with my stupid worries._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so short! I got bit by the inspiration fairy (slightly) and the next chapter is shaping up to be pretty long (possibly). Thank you to those who have requested more of this story, and who have expressed their interest and enjoyment in reading it! I love you all! You're a huge reason I'm still writing, and you're the only reason I'm still publishing :)


	18. The Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne runs into someone she'd rather she hadn't.

“Honey-senpai! Mori-senpai! Anne-senpai! So glad you could make it!” The twins swept forward to welcome us and usher us inside. “We have seats reserved for you all and the rest of the Host Club, in front row!”

Honey jumped in excitement. “Yay!”

As he grabbed my hand to pull me forward, I looked behind me for Mori. Thankfully, I didn’t have to look far. He was following close behind me, but not too close. I faced forward again, comforted by his silent presence. When we arrived at our seats, I saw that they all had names indicating who was meant to sit where. I looked down the line, searching for my own name: Tamaki, Kyoya, Honey, Mori, Hikaru, Karou…

I swallowed and started over, but still didn’t find what I was looking for. Honey, who had pulled Usa-chan from wherever he kept the bunny and was playing with it in his lap, looked up when I had remained standing. He cocked his head to the side in confusion. “Annie-chan?” He looked where my gaze was directed, and seemed to come to the same conclusion as I had. He turned back to face the twins. “Where’s Annie-chan’s seat? She has to sit next to me and Mori-kun!”

The twins each grabbed hold of one of my wrists, a dangerous sparkle in their eyes. “Oh, we have a special place for Annie-chan. Just you wait and see.” With that, they both winked and pulled me away through the crowd of people gathering to see the show. I was too preoccupied with staying my feet and avoiding collisions with anyone to ask questions or try to resist. Eventually, we stopped in a bright room filled with beautiful tall women, large mirrors, and beautiful clothing. In the center of the room, a woman with hair the same shade as the twins’ was giving orders to everyone else. _She has to be their mother._

This suspicion was confirmed when the twins pulled me towards her, saying “Mother! Look what we found!”

The woman turned, her face calm even amidst the bustle of last-minute changes. She looked at the two boys, then focused on me. I could feel myself flush under her scrutiny, though it wasn’t unkind. “Yes, my dears? What have you found?”

They pushed me forward. “A model! To replace the one who quit last notice!”

At that, her eyes scanned over me more thoroughly. When she looked up again, her eyes had tightened slightly, like she had realized she was being pranked. “That’s very sweet of you, boys, but it isn’t fair of you to pull some poor girl off the street and force her to play your little game. Why, her legs aren’t shaved, her hair is unwashed; we don’t have time to…prepare her for the show.” She smiled at me, not insincerely, and reached into her purse. Drawing out some money, she pressed it into my palm, saying “Here you go, for your trouble. Again, I apologize.” Then, she turned away. The conversation was obviously over.

I could vaguely hear the twins’ protests through the ringing in my ears. Something about how I was tall, and skinny, surely I could be given something to wear? Their mother replied that all the outfits were spoken for, because she had already replaced the model, and wasn’t that great? I couldn’t focus on their conversation, however, because I had caught sight of someone I recognized. Across the room, her flawless lips curling up in a demure smile, was Ayanokiji. Her pale, clear skin was accentuated by the midnight blue dress adorning her body, and her red hair was in an elegant twist, a few curled strands falling loose and only improving the look.

_I need to get out of here._ So I turned and ran. Luckily, there were fewer people milling about, and I managed to find a bathroom. Locking the door behind me, I tried splashing cold water on my face and taking deep breaths to ease my panic. Useless questions swirled through the fog in my head, like _Is she the new model? Did the others see her?_ I wasn’t sure what I wanted the answer to be for that last one. I didn’t want the Hosts to make a fuss and ruin the fashion show, but I also definitely did not want to spend time near her or with her. 

I looked at myself in the mirror, then looked down at my body. _Unshaved legs, unwashed hair…well, she wasn’t wrong._ The money she had given me, ‘for my trouble’, was still in my pocket where I put it before I turned tail.

I could feel anger start to warm my gut. _Why would the twins put me through that? Did they want to humiliate me?_ Then I thought of their expressions when their mother had told them no. They had seemed genuinely surprised and unhappy. So…they had been trying to be nice to me, and it backfired. The anger I felt was quickly overtaken by the sick feeling of humiliation. _Some poor girl off the street…_ I squeezed my eyes shut against the headache I could feel forming. _She obviously wasn't trying to be cruel. She believed what she said. And compared to this family, that is what I am, basically. What AM I doing here, anyway? I don’t belong here. I belong at home, in bed._

The sound of the door opening pulled me out of my thoughts. I turned around to see Ayanokiji stepping through, a smile on her beautiful face. She didn’t make any move to come towards me. Instead, she stayed in front of the door, as if blocking my escape route.

“I thought I locked that.” _Really? That's what I chose to start with?_ I cursed myself silently.

Ayanokiji looked smug, as if she knew what I was thinking and agreed with me. “You did manage that, actually. However, as a model in the show, I was given a key. Just in case I needed it.” Her expression became mock-sympathetic. “I’m so sorry you weren’t able to be one as well. It seems you just don’t have what it takes.”

I tried to remain calm. “It wasn’t something I wanted. It was the twins.”

Ayanokiji snorted delicately. “Please. Why would THEY want you to be a model in their mother’s show? Did they want you to feel better about yourself?” Her mouth tightened. “Did you tell them about something at school that would make them think you need comforting?”

It took me a second to realize she meant the notes. “No. I haven’t told anyone.”

She raised a penciled eyebrow. “Really? Not even your two bodyguards, who have barely left your side recently? Do you expect me to believe that?”

I concentrated on continuing to breath. “It’s the truth, whether you believe me or not.”

There was a new glint in her eye. “Now, now, Anne-chan. I think you need to watch how you talk to me. Or maybe I should make good on my promise and leave my notes all over campus for everyone to see. Maybe that way you would actually remember to behave.”

I shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “I remember an incident in the Host Club where the things in your notes came to light. It didn’t change much.”

Ayanokiji curled her lip. “Is that so? Then I suppose I have no choice but to show you exactly how much more difficult I can make your life.” Then, she smiled. “For now, I would suggest you go and find the twins. The show is over, and you spent the whole time in the bathroom. How do you think that will make them feel?” She turned on her heel and left the room.

_Shit. Did time really get away from me that badly?_ I shook my head, trying to clear it, and then approached the door. Before I could open it, however, it swung towards me. I stepped back, startled, as two ginger twins entered the room, obviously agitated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt bad for posting so little, so here's a bit more!


	19. Bathroom Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins confront Anne. Drama ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try to post every weekend, so sorry for this being late!

“Anne! There you are! Have you been in the bathroom this whole time?!”

I nervously clenched the straps of my backpack I only just realized I was still carrying. “Uh, yeah, sorry. I…needed to—“

“Look, we know that what our mom said wasn’t cool, but she didn’t know any better. Was missing the show on purpose really necessary?”

My eyes widened in shock. “No, that’s not—that’s not why I came in here. I totally understand why she couldn’t use me as a model, it wasn’t her fault that I wasn’t prepared—“

A twin interrupted me for the second time. “So you expect us to believe that you hid in the bathroom immediately after our mom turned you down, but that’s just a coincidence?”

The other twin jumped in. “We were just trying to do something nice for you, Anne. You could have at least tried to look like you cared about being here. We get it, you have better things to do; you don’t have to rub it in.”

I could feel my throat tightening. _Ayanokiji was right; they did it to make me feel better._ I focused on my breathing. “I—I didn’t know where we were going when I got dressed today. No one told me about the fashion show. I wouldn’t have been able to model anyway, because I’m on my period right now, and I wouldn’t want to stain any of—“

“Okay, okay, Anne. TMI. You could’ve just told us you didn’t want to do it.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. A head’s up would have been nice, but—“

“Oh, so now you’re blaming us? Anne, you’re the one who left the house looking like you’ve been kidnapped for a week. Was it really too much for us to assume that you wouldn’t be out in public without a little grooming?”

My chest was starting to hurt. _No. Not here. Not now. Not in the middle of this._ I struggled to appear calm. “I…I thought the club was just hanging out today.”

Behind their indignant fronts, the twins looked…hurt. “Oh, so we’re not worth basic hygiene, Anne? Are you always like this? Does someone need to remind you to wash yourself? Brush your teeth?”

Instances of my parents doing just that started to crowd my mind. I could still see the look on their faces: why was their teenage daughter acting like she had regressed ten years? _Maybe if I explain, they’ll understand._ “I…It’s not that I forget. It’s that I…don’t have the energy to do it all the time.”

The twins wrinkled their noses in tandem. “This is a recurring thing? Not just a one-time problem?”

_Now they’re disgusted with me. Best to just leave now._ “Uh, look, you two. Would you mind leaving? I didn’t get to finish…”

“Jeez, Anne, what do you even do in the bathroom? How can you possibly need more time than you’ve already had?”

I tried to tamp down my rising panic as I cast around for a reasonable excuse. “I…uh…need to change my pad.”

“Oh. Well, at least you can remember to do that on your own.” The twins left and shut the door behind them.

I started to make my way over so I could lock the door, but collapsed in the middle of the floor. _Fuck. I must’ve forgotten to breathe again. I really am useless…_ I closed my eyes against my spinning vision. _C’mon. Just breathe. You’ve been doing it for how many years now?_ I took my backpack off so I could hug it to my chest. _I can’t let anyone see me like this. Did I lock the door? I can’t remember. It doesn’t matter, though. Someone might have a key…_

The pain in my chest wasn’t getting any better. _I wonder if one of these days, I’ll just end up having a heart attack._

I heard something on the other side of the door, but my brain wouldn’t tell me if it was someone speaking or something else. Suddenly afraid of being seen, I kicked my backpack towards the door, like that would keep someone from getting in. Then I flopped onto my side, with my back to the door. My knees hugged tightly to my chest, eyes squeezed shut. I rocked my head slightly to distract myself. _Maybe they’ll leave me alone. Maybe they’ll let me get my shit together so I can go home and pretend this never happened._

I was pretty out of it. The panic attack was starting to fade into the background, my chest pain dulling a bit. I just laid on the floor, exhausted. _Exhausted from what? It’s not like I’ve done anything productive today._ I reconsidered. _Well, I did make Hikaru and Karou realize they’re better off without me. That probably counts as a win._

Voices became more distinct over the buzz of my thoughts. _I guess they’re inside now. Maybe they’ll let me just sleep…_

I felt someone around me, like I was being held. My last thought before I left consciousness was: _what are they going to do with me now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! This is lower quality than I would like, but I've committed to writing every week, and I wanna stick to that.


	20. It's Always Fluffiest Before the Angst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just fluff for Anne, Mori, and Honey. I blame @the-wandering-seal on tumblr ;P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so short; I don't have much energy, so this is all I could manage :/

I came to in a bed, but not my own. This one felt too luxurious. I was still pretty drowsy; panic attacks always took a lot out of me. I struggled to sit up, and realized there was something pressed against my side. I looked over, and saw Honey snuggled up against my arm, Usa-chan tucked in between us. I smiled internally at the sweet picture he made.

“Mitsukuni was worried about you.”

I whipped my head up to see Mori sitting in a chair at a desk across the room. He looked troubled. Before I could say anything, he continued “He insisted that you would feel better with Usa-chan next to you.”

I smiled softly. “Yeah, that does sound like him.” I looked around the room a bit more to gather my bearings, and my eyes caught on my backpack leaning against the wall. It was open.

I returned my gaze to Mori, hoping that he couldn’t tell I was suddenly very worried about if and who had seen its contents.

It seems I didn’t have much luck. “Haruhi opened it to see if you had any medical information for what to do in case of a panic attack. She found the notes.”

I swallowed hard. “That’s a good idea! I should get on that; make a notecard or something, just in case.” I knew it was pointless, but I tried to redirect his attention anyway. It wasn’t a lie: it was irresponsible of me to not have contingency plans in case of my attacks inconveniencing other people.

Mori didn’t say anything. Eventually, I felt it necessary to ask “Did…anyone call my parents?”

“Mitsukuni thought it would be unfair to do so without your consent. He convinced Haruhi that it would only worry your parents because they likely think you’re at school right now.”

I looked back down at the small boy next to me, my chest filling with gratitude. “He’s really looking out for me, isn’t he.”

“Of course.” I looked up at Mori’s matter-of-fact tone. “He loves you.”

I blushed. “I love him too, Mori-kun.”

Mori nodded once curtly. “Good.”

A voice that didn’t sound nearly as sleepy as it should spoke up. “See, Takashi! I TOLD you! I TOLD you Annie-chan loves me!”

Mori seemed unfazed by the fact that Honey was very much awake and aware. “I never said she didn’t, Mitsukuni.”

Sitting up more comfortably, I gathered Honey closer to me so I could whisper “He’s just looking out for you, Honey-kun. That’s how he shows his love.”

Honey looked at me like it was obvious. “I know that, Annie-chan. He looks out for you, too!”

It took me a moment to get was Honey was implying: that Mori loved me, too. I was struck speechless, especially because Mori was still his unruffled self even after what his cousin had divulged. 

Luckily for me, it was at that moment that there was a knock at the door.


	21. Angst, Part the First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins stick their feet in their mouths. Repeatedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit longer! Yay!

“Haruhi-chan, this is our house! We are allowed in any room we please!”

“You have no power to keep us out of here!”

“You guys—”

Haruhi was in the middle of protesting when the door swung open, revealing Hikaru and Karou. They entered the room, looking peeved, while Tamaki peered around the doorway and Kyoya stood behind Haruhi. The blonde looked unusually timid, while Haruhi appeared frustrated. Kyoya stood silently, seemingly unaffected, but he wasn’t writing in his black book…

Before the twins could advance very far into the room, Mori was up and moving. Faster than I could see, he was suddenly standing between them and the bed. I blinked in amazement. looking down at Honey to see his reaction, I noticed that the boy was as unperturbed as ever, playing with Usa-chan in his lap.

I tried to look around or over Mori to see the twins, but I couldn’t do so without disturbing Honey, so I settled for only listening.

“What are you doing, Mori-senpai? We’re here to talk to Anne-senpai! We know she’s awake, and—”

“Mori-kun?” Mori turned his head at the sound of my voice, but the tension in his body showed that he was still alert to the twins’ position. “It’s okay; I want to talk to them.”

Mori looked at me for a few seconds, saying nothing. Then, instead of re-seating himself in the chair like I expected, he came to sit at the foot of the bed, maintaining a visual on the twins.

The twins noticed this, and looked visibly more disgruntled. Addressing me, they said “What the hell is going on, Anne-senpai? Why are you in our bed, and why is Mori suddenly your personal bodyguard?”

My eyes widened. “You mean, you didn’t put me here? It wasn’t you?”

One of the twins snorted. “Uh, no, we were not the ones who tucked you into our personal bedroom. We were saying goodbye to the last of the guests, like proper hosts, when Tamaki came to gush about how kind we were for giving up our own things for a friend.”

I started shifting in place, getting ready to vacate my spot. “I’m sorry, I assumed you knew, otherwise I wouldn’t have stayed. I’ll just get out of your way—”

I felt a weight land on my arm. Looking down, I saw Honey’s hand gripping it tightly. Not enough to hurt, or keep me against my will, but enough to show his desire that I stay. “Please don’t go, Annie-chan. You need your strength! Takashi said so!”

I looked at the tall boy sitting near my feet. With my eyes on him, he slowly and deliberately put his own hand on my ankle.

I looked back up at the twins to see their reactions. They were looking at Honey and Mori like they had grown two heads.

They weren’t speechless for very long. “What the fuck have you done to Mori- and Honey-senpai? They didn’t act like this before you came! Now you have them both wrapped around your little finger!”

I looked down at my lap in shame. “I…I don’t know why Honey and Mori treat me like they do…” my voice was soft, but I knew they could hear it.

“Annie-chan, we just told you! We love you! That’s why!” I turned my head to look at Honey, his sunny face turned up to mine. I tried to smile, but my muscles didn’t feel like they were cooperating properly.

“I know, Honey-kun. I just don’t know why you feel that way about me.”

Honey cocked his head to the side questioningly. “Why wouldn’t we, Annie-chan?”

Before I had to respond, the twins did it for me. “Look, this is cute and all, but will SOMEONE please tell us why Anne is in our bed?”

I looked down so I didn’t have to see anyone looking at me, urging me to tell them. Of course, Kyoya took it off my hands. “Anne-senpai seems to have suffered from a panic attack.”

I squeezed my eyes shut against the reality of what he had said. It just felt so much more real now. It wasn’t just some infrequent symptom that my psychiatrist didn’t need to know about; it was a part of my illness that had reached out and affected my time with my friends.

I felt Honey lean against me more heavily. I took a deep breath, opened my eyes, and put my arm around him. I tried to be reassuring, but I don’t know how successful I was. 

“Is that…true, Anne-senpai?” I looked up to see Tamaki edging into the room, looking crushed. I tried not to let on that his reaction was the exact one I was trying to avoid by not telling them.

“Yeah, I think it is. I haven’t been diagnosed or anything yet, but I do already have anxiety, and panic attacks are just another form of that. Not everyone who has anxiety also has panic attacks; I guess I’m just lucky like that.” I smiled wanly.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Haruhi looked hurt.  
I felt a pang of guilt in my chest. “I…I didn’t want to say anything until I knew for certain. And…it seemed like more information than you needed to know.”

“Well, thanks, Anne. We appreciate your faith and trust in us. Don’t you think this was something we should have known? What if you had been able to walk the runway like we had intended? You could’ve fainted right in the middle of the show!” 

Hearing my thoughts echoed back at me never seemed to get easier. _I should be more used to it by now. God knows my fears are right often enough for it to happen. The only thing I get right…_

“Yes, I, I know. I was already considering that. If I had been able to walk, I would have still turned it down for the sake of—”

“I can’t believe you still pretend to have seriously considered our offer! You’re telling us now that you had no intention of doing it! Do you even know what an honor it is to be a Hitachiin model?! Every girl (and some boys, probably) at Ouran would KILL to have a shot at what you were freely offered! And there you were, walking into our home looking like you couldn’t care less about how you looked, or how that would reflect on us! You were our SPECIAL guest. You were meant to be the star of the show, and instead you bailed to the bathroom for the entire show. Thank God Ayanokiji-san was around, otherwise we would have had NO ONE for the promised Ouran student guest model.”

Finally, someone else spoke up. “Ayanokiji was here? I didn’t know that. Didn’t you ban her from any future events, Tamaki-senpai?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that, Haruhi-chan. She said she had just been passing by. She hadn’t even planned on attending the show, but our mother found her and begged her for assistance. She really came through in our time of need; I know she wasn’t very friendly to you, but maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to—”

“That’s enough, you two. Don’t you remember what she did to Anne-senpai? You were the ones who had to retrieve her clothes after Ayanokiji hid them from her on her first day!”

The twins shrugged in tandem, obviously not impressed with Haruhi’s impassioned argument. “Look, we get that Anne-senpai is a little sensitive, but what’s a little prank among friends? Hell, we’ve done WAY worse with some of ours. It’s a sign of love! Maybe precious Anne-senpai should learn to take a joke better.”

Haruhi was starting to look really pissed off. “She just EXPLAINED to you assholes why this is all difficult for her! She’s trying, can’t you see that!? She spends time with us, she hosted us: that takes a lot out of her!!”

Now both Hikaru and Karou were smirking. “If it’s so hard for her, why does she do it? Ya know, we’re starting to think that Anne-senpai doesn’t have it as hard as she says she does. We have no proof that—”

“Anne-senpai has never volunteered information solely for her own sake.” Both twins whipped around to look at Kyoya, obviously having not expected him to get involved. We had that in common. The tall, pale, dark-haired boy looked more intimidating than usual. It was like we were seeing the persona he put on for the benefit of outsiders, rather than how he acted around his friends. 

“Every time Anne-senpai has told us personal information about herself, her motive has always involved other people. Sometimes, she hasn’t even been able to initiate the discussion herself. When Ayanokiji divulged her admission details, Anne-senpai herself was unaware of the particulars. When Ayanokiji disclosed her mental health status, Anne-senpai honestly confirmed the validity. When Anne-senpai told us her diagnosis, she did so because she felt we had the right to know, as her friends. When Anne-senpai told us about her symptoms and coping mechanisms, it was because we did not leave her to the solitude she would have chosen for herself.”

Kyoya looked at the twins, his glasses glinting and the glare hiding his eyes. However, everyone in the room could feel the tension rolling off him. “Do you notice how often ‘Ayanokiji-san’ appears in the list of Anne-senpai’s secrets being revealed? Did it not occur to you that ‘Ayanokiji-san’ was nearby for the express purpose of replacing Anne-senpai in your show? That perhaps she even had a hand in engineering it that way? How well do you think you know this girl?”

The twins were obviously intimidated by Kyoya’s address, but they bristled at his last question. “How well do you think you know Anne-senpai? We know that Ayanokiji is from a good family, and no one at Ouran speaks ill of her besides Anne—”

“I speak ill of her as well.” Haurhi’s face was stony. “I don’t know how you two have forgotten, but I still remember how she treated me. Like I was beneath her.”

The twins wilted slightly at this, but one of them regrouped to say “We all make mistakes, Haruhi. It still stands that she hasn’t done anything since the prank, and—”

“If you really believe that, then maybe you should look at these.” Kyoya was holding out a small stack of paper slips.

As one of the twins reached for it, I finally unfroze. “NO!!!” I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out in vain for the papers. I tried to get out of the bed, tangled in the sheets and dizzy with fear. I finally stumbled off. “Please! Don’t do this!!!” My voice broke as I reached for the papers, only for me to trip and fall. I looked back to see one of my feet still twisted in bedding. Then I looked back up at the twins from my vantage point. They both seemed intrigued at my response, and began flipping through the handful to see what could have possibly engendered it.

I went limp on the floor, not even trying to get up. I laid my head on my arms and just tried to forget where I was, who I was. I could feel Honey near me, having slipped out of the bed easily. He was murmuring what was probably meant to be comfort, but I didn’t let myself hear it. I didn’t deserve it; soon, they would all know my shame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all can thank @the-wandering-seal once again for my continued inspiration :D Love you, dude <3


	22. Angst, Part the Second: A Change in Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit gets real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this isn't very long, and I'm sorry for all the Kyoya fans out there! This just happened, I didn't plan it this way :/ I just hope that it's in character.

I barely managed to stay where I was. I knew I would serve Anne better here, with an eye on the twins, but I hated seeing her on the floor like that. Without a doubt, Mitsukuni would give her what she needed, but that didn’t stop me from wishing I could be there with her, too. Unfortunately, Anne seemed to accept his help more easily than my own, so I wasn’t even certain if my proximity would be welcome.

For the first time since they had entered the room, the twins were divided in their focus. The one who had taken the notes and instigated most of the argument continued to flip through the papers in his hand. I guessed he was Hikaru, though I couldn’t tell them apart like Haruhi could. The other twin, probably Karou, continued to look at Anne huddled on the floor, her face buried in her arms and her back shaking with quiet sobs. His face was tight with worry, and the frustration towards Anne that both twins had carried throughout the confrontation was no longer evident.

Hikaru took his time reading the notes, first only glancing through them, then rereading the stack more carefully. By the time his curiosity appeared sated and he looked up, Anne was also straightening. From her place on the floor, she stood carefully, using the bed for support. However, when she spoke, she addressed Kyoya instead of the twins.

“Who or what gave you the right to share those notes, Kyoya? Are they yours? Did someone write them to you, or for you? Did you write them yourself?” Her fists were clenched at her sides, the knuckles white from pressure.

Kyoya’s tone was indifferent. “I did not write the notes, Anne, as you well know.”

Anne shook her head, a harsh smile on her face. “Actually, I don’t know who wrote them, Kyoya, so I think it was a valid question. If you didn’t write them, why were you holding them?”

Kyoya sighed softly in apparent exasperation. “Anne, I wish you would stop feigning ignorance. You know perfectly well that Ayanokiji was the one to leave your notes in your backpack.”

“It’s true that I suspected that, Kyoya. However, I have no proof. I want to know how you can be so certain.”

Kyoya crossed his arms, a show of emotion he rarely displayed. “Really, Anne. You’re smarter than this. The notes you have been receiving are in the same style as the note left in place of your clothes on that first day you arrived. The pranks are also similar: sabotaging your uniforms, pushing you to wear the male uniform. It doesn’t take much to realize that Ayanokiji, the person who has publicly snubbed and denounced you, is the one behind this.”

I felt my heart clench in my chest as I saw Anne curl in on herself slightly, as if for protection.

“You…you’ve known this whole time? That she’s been bullying me?” Her voice was quiet but sharp, like a small knife mean to be concealed under clothing.

“I make it a point to know about everything going on with all the Hosts.”

“You knew that she’s vandalized my dresses? That’s she the reason I wear the male uniform? That she has been leaving abusive notes in my backpack? That she’s been contributing to my negative thoughts about myself?”

“Anne, I’ve already answered your question. What is it that you really wish to know?”

Anne was shaking now, from anger or pain or some other emotion, possibly a combination of more than one. “You knew, and you did NOTHING. You sat by and you LET her HURT me. I thought I was ALONE, I thought that no one knew what I was going through. But it turns out that someone DID know. They just didn’t care enough to do anything about it.”

Anne turned to the rest of the room. “Did anyone else know what was going on?” Everyone shook their heads. It seems that none of us were capable of speech at the moment. “Well, at least there’s that.” She worn a sad half-smile as she said it. 

Anne stooped to pick up her bag, checking its contents then zipping it closed. Slinging it onto her back, she turned to Hikaru, who was still holding the notes. “You can keep those. I have them memorized by now.”

She avoided eye contact with any of us as she said goodbye. “I’m going home now. I don’t care that I don’t know the way from here. I can still walk if none of you give me a ride. I don’t want to see any of you outside of the Host Club. We still work together, but we’re not friends. Okay?”

She left before any of us could answer her. I had enough presence of mind to scoop Mitsukuni up before I followed her to secure a limo and take her home. For the whole ride, no one said anything, not even Mitsu. He sat between me and Anne, while she looked out the window. I couldn’t imagine what she was thinking…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol can you tell that life is kinda hard for me right now? Sorry for all the angst; I guess I had to make up for the fluff of previous chapters


	23. We Let Her Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruhi gives the boys a talking-to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haruhi swears in this, so maybe OOC? I choose to believe that she would do it in a situation like this, though.

“What the fuck was that about, Kyoya?” I could barely wait until Anne had left before I started in on him.

Kyoya adjusted his glasses. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean, Ha—”

I stepped up close to the tall boy, taking the front of his shirt in my fists. “Don’t give me that bullshit, Kyoya. Tell me WHY you would do that Anne-senpai.”

Kyoya’s lenses flashed at me. “I don’t take kindly to people manhandling me, Haruhi.”

I released my grip so I wouldn’t do something stupid. “I don’t take kindly to people hurting my friends, Kyoya! That didn’t stop you from doing it!”

Tamaki crept closer to me, reaching out. “Haruhi, maybe you should calm down—”

I threw up my hands in exasperation. “Calm down? Calm down!?! Do you realize what you’ve done? What we’ve all done? We just proved her worst fears right! Do you think she was joking when she said we’re not friends anymore?”

Karou spoke up, timid but hopeful. “C’mon, Haruhi, surely she wouldn’t cut us off after one little incident?”

I shook my head. _How do none of them see what I see?_ “This wasn’t one little incident, Karou. This was the culmination of everything she’s warned us would happen from the beginning. It wasn’t that long ago; don’t you remember how reluctant she was to be friends with us?”

Hikaru shrugged apathetically. “I mean, I remember that she thought we wouldn’t be able to handle it, because of her depression and stuff.”

“Well, what do you think we just did, Hikaru? Not only did you two make it very clear that her symptoms were inconvenient to you, but Kyoya made it clear that he knew someone was emotionally abusing her, AFFECTING HER MENTAL HEALTH, and did nothing about it.”

Kyoya seemed bothered by my description. “What exactly was I supposed to do with the information, Haruhi? You must realize that Ayanokiji and her family are untouchable at Ouran.”

I snorted in disbelief. “Are you telling me that she’s on a higher level of ‘old money’ than the great Ootoris? That you didn't have SOME resource in place just in case? I highly doubt that.”

Kyoya shifted his stance ever so slightly. “It was not in the club’s best interest at the time.”

 _I do not have the patience for this_. “Kyoya, all you really needed to do was tell her that you knew it was happening. That she wasn’t alone. Knowing Anne, she wouldn’t have WANTED you to DO anything about it.” Before Kyoya could protest I added “I know that we didn’t know Anne very well when it started. But when we started to know her, then you could have let her know.”

I looked down at my feet in shame. “The only thing that Anne needed from us was our support and acceptance, even when things get tough. That’s exactly what we haven’t done. We’re there when she’s okay, but the first time she shows real weakness in front of all of us, we let her down.”

“So…what do you suggest we do now?”

I looked over at Tamaki, who was hiding behind his blonde bangs. I squared my shoulders and lifted my chin. “We do what she asked us to do, for once. We leave her alone, give her space until she wants to see us again, and not a MOMENT before.” I looked meaningfully at everyone, though only Kyoya and Hikaru met my eyes.

_I hope she’s okay. I hope Honey and Mori will help. I’m sorry, Anne._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short length:/


	24. Home Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Transition/filler. Anne is taken home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be very short because I have had little free time recently.

Before I could protest, Mori was scooping me into his arms as he exited the limo. I thought about protesting, but part of me just figured, _what’s the point? He probably wouldn’t listen to me anyway. Why should he? I’ve kept things from him, I’ve burdened him, I’ve exposed Honey to mental illness and heartache._

Through the screen of my thoughts, I heard people speaking. I inferred that Mori or Honey was talking to my parents before depositing me in my room. I wasn’t ready to face anyone yet, so I tightened my hold on Mori and curled further in on him, trying to hide myself from the rest of the world. I knew it was futile and childish, but I was too tired, too drained, to care.

I felt the motion of Mori walking, his breathing near my ear a calming sound to drown my own rushing thoughts and beating heart. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to immortalize the feeling of his arms around me, protecting me, so I could revisit it when I was unavoidably alone again. His hold was strong and gentle, like he was holding a large baby animal. Or Honey. I nearly giggled at the thought. _Damn, I must be delirious right now._

Eventually, we stopped, and I was tucked under covers. I moved around a bit to get more comfortable, and realized that the bed was definitely not mine. It was too big. It was almost like…  
The bed dipped next to me. I finally opened my eyes to see Mori looking calmly back at me. When I felt movement on my other side, I turned to see Honey climbing under the covers as well. He tucked himself in next to me, leaning into my warm weight. I looked back at Mori, totally confused, but the stoic boy only slid in next to me, pulling me down gently to lay with him. I considered making a fuss, but the lethargy from earlier came back full force, and I decided I could just as easily get answers once I had slept. But, maybe they’d be gone by then…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so short, but I wanted to post SOMETHING, and if I didn't let myself post this tonight as it is, it probably just wouldn't have happened at all. Sorry again :/ This hasn't been edited, either, because I have no time right now :/  
> I hope you enjoy it! I hope it's worth it


	25. Sit with You in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne gets comforted, whether she likes it or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead!

For a few seconds after I woke up, I thought it was morning. I thought I was just starting the day, Mori and Honey beside me in bed from our sleepover last night. For a few seconds, I was peaceful.

Then I remembered.

I remembered getting dressed and leaving the house in a limousine, I remembered arriving at Hikaru and Karou’s place, I remembered talking to their mom, then being confronted by Akanokiji, followed by the twins. I remembered fainting like a corseted woman out of a romantic novel. I remembered the scene that had gone down in the twins’ bedroom, and my subsequent exit. I remembered it all.

The only question I still had was, _why are Mori and Honey still here? Why did they stay while I slept instead of just dropping me off?_ I could feel my forehead wrinkle in confusion.

Just then, I felt the arm across my torso tighten, reminding me of how similar our current positions were to how we had woken up that morning. I tried not to blush, but I couldn’t control the increase in my heart rate.

Honey was still asleep, so I carefully turned to face Mori. As I half-expected, his eyes were open and regarding me, like he had all the time in the world to wait for me to wake up.

I kept my eyes trained on his shirt so I could concentrate. “Thanks for staying with me,” I whispered. Even if I didn’t understand it, I was still grateful. Then, because I couldn’t keep my big mouth shut, I asked “Why are you still here?”

For the first time, Mori’s calm expression wrinkled into one of worry. Just as quietly, he replied “Would you like me to leave?”

I panicked. _Stupid girl._ “No! It’s not that! I just…I don’t understand…why you and Honey-kun didn’t just…drop me off. You didn’t need to…keep me company. I’m okay now.” My voice was nearly silent by the end. Even though it was a lie I told often, and could be fairly convincing with (in my opinion), I still didn’t believe it myself.

Mori didn’t say anything for a few long seconds. I had nearly accepted his lack of answer before he replied “You don’t need to be okay.”

I blinked in astonishment. “What?” Even on the Mori-scale of unpredictable answers, I never could have guessed that one.

Mori spoke slowly, like he was weighing his words even more carefully than usual. “You do your best to handle your stuff on your own, because you don’t want to burden other people. You smile, and talk, and laugh, and try to prove to everyone who cares about you that they don’t have to worry. You don’t need anyone besides yourself. I just want you to know that…you don’t have to pretend with me. You don’t have to be strong all the time.”

I could feel a lump form in my throat, a response that had replaced my crying reflex. “But I do have to be strong all the time, Mori. Because if I’m not…then I’ll give up. And I can’t do that. Not to you, or Honey, or my parents…” I trailed off, not sure if I should include Haruhi or the others, not sure if they’d WANT to be included.

“You don’t have to do this alone, Annie-chan! Takashi and I are here to help you! And so are the rest of your friends!”

I really shouldn’t have been surprised that Honey wasn’t actually asleep. God knows he’d played that card before.

I turned onto my back, closing my eyes to focus my thoughts. “Honey-kun, I’m just trying to protect you. I’ve seen what happens to people who try to share my burden. I don’t need to see it again.”

Honey clambered up onto my stomach so he could meet my eyes, which had flown open in surprise. “We are not them, Annie-chan. Why won’t you trust us with this?” He was so somber, I hardly recognized him.

I squeezed my eyes shut in desperation. “I’m trying, Honey-kun. I’m trying to trust you with my problems. Why won’t you trust me that they’re better left alone?”

“Because we see you hurting, Anne. And we want to help. We want to make it stop.” I don’t know what had gotten into Mori, but he was being practically gregarious. 

I turned my head to look at Mori, pleading with my eyes. “Mori, if I let you all the way in…you’ll leave. Maybe not physically, but it will become too much for you. It will go on too long, or become too repetitive. And you’ll wish you had never pushed me. You’ll wish you had let me keep my secrets.” I looked down in despair. “I know that it’s not anyone’s fault: I know logically that I didn’t drive my brother away. I know that he’s just at college, a phone call away, and he would have gone regardless of me. I know that he loves me, I know that my parents love me…but they’re so tired, Mori. They’re worn and they don’t know what else they can do to help me. So they just worry about me. They fade, and I withdraw, and we all pretend that therapy and pills are enough. But what if I’m just broken, Mori? What if it’s all me?”

Suddenly, Mori pulled me closer so I was held against his chest. As his heartbeat calmed me, I realized that I had been working myself up without knowing it. I had probably been on my way to another panic attack. _So fucking useless. No, worse than useless. A liability. A burden._

Mori spoke into my hair, his low voice calming, just like always. “We love you, Anne. We are here for you and we are not going anywhere. Not while you want us or with you.”

My eyes burned from the tears they refused to shed. “I’ve heard that before. They all say it, in the beginning.”

This time, it was Honey who spoke. “Well, we mean it. And we’re going to prove it to you, Annie-chan. Every day, until you believe us.”

I could feel the hope in my chest I had been smothering since we had met expand, pushing against my ribs painfully. If this ended poorly, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to recover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be clear, this is NOT referencing suicide. In my characterization of Anne, she is not suicidal. She is depressed, but she is not considering taking her own life.  
> I came out here to write a fluffy chapter and I'm honestly feeling so attacked (angsty) right now. By my own brain. Haha, unintentional mental illness joke...  
> Also, I am very sorry for missing last week. Life has been...difficult recently. However, I DID write today, so that's something. Quite a bit, imho.  
> On a (more?) personal note, what the fuck is with the surfacing abandonment issues in this fic. I had a good childhood I swear. My family loves me (with...caveats)  
> Thank you to everyone on this rollercoaster with me, I love you and appreciate your loyalty <3 Especially when I was MIA last weekend :/


	26. What About the Others?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne, Honey, and Mori do more serious talking in bed.

I looked at Honey and Mori, trying to work out my feelings, when a thought occurred to me. “What did you tell my parents?”

Honey looked at Mori, who responded after a few seconds. “We told them you weren’t feeling well, and had to come home.”

 _Nice half-truth. No mention of the fashion show or my panic attack. Still protecting me._ “And they were just cool with you two sleeping in the same bed as me for….however long we’ve been here?”

Mori shrugged, but Honey giggled. “I don’t think they wanted to argue with Takashi, Annie-chan.”

I laughed, trying to picture what my parents had seen: A tall, stoic-faced boy carrying their daughter as if she weighed nothing. _Hell, they might even know him through his family…_

“Did they…ask who you are?”

Honey laughed. “Of course they did, Annie-chan! They’re your parents!”

I blushed. _He’s right. That was a stupid question._

“They said you’ve talked about us, Annie-chan!”

I cleared my throat. “Uh, yeah. When you two walked me home, they asked me who you were.”

“What did you say?”

I shrugged, trying to be nonchalant about it. “I told them you were my friends.” Luckily, that had been surprising enough to distract them from asking why my friends needed to walk me home all of a sudden.

Honey’s expression abruptly became apprehensive. “Annie-chan…did you mean what you said about…not being friends? Or seeing each other?”

My stomach dropped, breaking the fragile calm I had woken up with. I picked my words carefully, trying to avoid hurting him anymore than I already had. “Honey-kun…I really appreciate what everyone has done for me: allowing me into the Host Club, letting me borrow clothes, et cetera. But today showed me that continuing to spend time with the group would be a mistake. I can’t ask you to deal with everything that being my friend entails, and it was wrong of me to put that on you for as long as I did. It’s better this way.” I was certain of that.

“Annie-chan…we WANT to be your friend. We WANT to know you. You never forced us to do anything; we CHOSE to spend time with you, and we don’t regret it. Why won’t you let us continue?...Do you not want to be our friend?”

I hated myself ( _ha_ ) for the heartbreak I heard in Honey’s voice. “Honey-kun, I love all of you, and your words are very kind. But you can’t speak for everyone; they may not feel the same way.” _I’m sure Kyoya, Hikaru, and Karou don’t._

“That’s not true! We talk about you when you’re not around, Annie-chan, and we miss you when you’re not there!”

 _They do talk about me. Just as I feared._ I closed my eyes to gather myself for my response. _Why does Honey always make me spell it out? He isn’t a cruel person._ “Honey…Hikaru and Karou made it very clear that…dealing with me is a lot to ask. And Kyoya made it just as clear that I’m not one of you. I…You and Mori-kun may want to continue our relationship,” I stumbled over my stupid phrasing, “but the rest of the club certainly doesn’t.”

“What about Haruhi?”

I looked at Mori, who was calmly meeting my gaze. I had to redirect mine to my lap. “Haruhi is a very kind person. But they have their own problems without adding mine. So do both of you, of course, but it doesn’t seem like I can stop y'all from doing what you want.”

“And you think you can stop Haruhi?”

My lips twitched with dry humor. “No, I suppose not.” When it looked like Honey was about to add something, I had to step in before his words became too much. “Honey, I will not be a charity case. I will not force myself onto more people than I absolutely need to. So before you try to convince me that the Hosts want me back, you need to talk to them. All of them, without me. Because I know that even if y’all discussed this previously, that was before today’s events, and they need to be taken into consideration before anything new is decided.” I took a deep breath to steady myself. “So, can we please not talk about it right now? Anymore?” I hated being so...disagreeable with Honey and Mori, but I saw no other way.

Honey regarded me thoughtfully, before nodding. “Okay, Annie-chan. We’ll do what you say.” I looked at Mori for confirmation. After a few seconds, he inclined his head in assent. 

Neither of them had to know that I was just trying to stall them until they let the whole thing go. Of course, knowing how intelligent they both are, I was aware that they probably realized my purpose and just hadn’t commented on it. That was fine with me. In my experience, ignorance really could be blissful in the face of its alternative.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers,  
> exams, finals, and projects are coming up for me in school, so I may not be updating as faithfully as I'd like. I'm going to do my best, but a lot has been going on in my life recently and it's possible I won't update weekly. Just wanted y'all to know (I'm sorry)  
> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it :)
> 
> To my peeps following this story: first, thank you! Second, I'm running out of ideas for where this fic will continue to go, so I may put it on pause to give myself time to think. I've also been considering ending this fic soon, and simply making it into a series when I get fresh inspiration. Comment if you have a preference or message/ask my Tumblr (same username). The thing is, I hate leaving published stories unfinished, so I'm leaning towards the series idea. 
> 
> Love ya!


	27. Explain Yourselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, I can't get enough of righteously angry Haruhi. Oops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience :) I hope it's worth it

“Before any of us leave this room, I wanna know why the fuck all of you have acted the way you did. I don’t care who goes first, but someone better speak up.”

Hikaru huffed petulantly. “There’s no need to be so holier-than-thou, Haruhi. We know we’ve screwed up, you’ve made that perfectly clear—”

“Hikaru, it seems you’ve volunteered yourself to go first. Now tell me: why have treated Anne-senpai like this?”

“Look, Haruhi, I know you like to point out when any of us do something wrong, but I don’t have to answer to you. You’re not my—”

“Hikaru, will you just tell them? Please?” Hikaru turned to his twin, obviously feeling betrayed. Karou sighed. “Okay, then I’ll go: I was jealous of Anne-senpai. The whole club seemed to like her right away, and bent over backwards to get her to join us. We had to pursue her, multiple times, instead of the other way around. Honey-senpai loved her right away, Mori-senpai followed his lead; she held her own against Kyoya, and she didn’t take Tamaki’s shit. Or any of our shit, really. But most of all...she and you seem to have a lot in common, Haruhi. You just get everyone, but Anne was the closest anyone has come to really getting you. That scared me. Just when it seemed like Honey and Mori had a new friend, and we would get more time with you, that same person started monopolizing your attention, too. I guess…it all just built up and came to a head today.”

Hikaru crossed his arms, more peevish than his contrite brother. “She was some new commoner who transferred to our school; she couldn’t even be bothered to come at the beginning, with everyone else. She had to make her own entrance. She ensnared Honey and Mori right away, then you, of all people, fell prey to her, too. After a few weeks at Ouran, she controlled the Host Club and everyone in it. She made us beg her to join us, then proceeded to change everything because apparently the way we had been doing things wasn’t good enough. And then, on top of all that, she has special needs, too? Not only is she disabled, but mentally ill and medicated? Not that she would have told us if Ayanokiji (a wealthy client that we no longer have, thanks to Anne) hadn’t said something first. She sees a shrink every week for crying out loud! Why are we letting our lives be run by this girl? She’s literally crazy! Insane! We tried to do something nice for her, and what did she do? She ditched us, and then broke down from the exertion of leaving her own house.” Hikaru gave a curt nod, obviously satisfied with his reasoning.

Haruhi took a deep, shaky breath before speaking. “First, I just wanna point out that for all your strong words now, Hikaru, you would never have dared to say half of that if Mori- or Honey-senpai were still in the room. You barely managed to say anything against her before they left, compared to what has just come out of your mouth.” Haruhi closed their eyes and took another deep breath before continuing. “I’m going to address Karou’s words first because they were semi-reasonable compared to yours, Hikaru. Here it goes: Thank you for admitting you were jealous, Karou. Yes, Honey, Mori, Tamaki, and I seemed to like Anne soon after meeting her. Yes, we convinced her to join us, rather than her asking to be a part of the club. Yes, she and I share some things. It’s possible that she understands me best of the people I know, and I have been spending time with her.

"However, you are wrong when you say ‘the whole club seemed to like her right away’: You, Hikaru, and Kyoya did not give her or anyone else that impression. And while Honey did take a shine to her, what you seem to forget is Honey is affectionate with everyone until they reject him. He did the same with me, and I’m sure he did the same with you two; Anne just happens to be the first person of our friend group who is as physically affectionate as Honey-senpai is. She welcomes his advances, so he continues them. Trust me, there’s no mystery there. And as for the fact that the club had to pursue her, Anne is an introvert! With social anxiety! She’s incredibly strong for how much interaction she already endures on a daily basis. She and I have things in common because we are both not wealthy and don’t fit in at Ouran, but we also have friends in common. Or at least we did…

“Now for Hikaru’s points: first of all, I am more a commoner than Anne is, so that’s a stupid reason for disliking her. Second, it’s stupid to hold it against her that she transferred instead of starting the year with us because the reasons for it were probably out of her control. And even if that weren’t the case, why would you assume it was her fault when you don’t know? Also, for having known her as long as we have, you should know by now that she does NOT enjoy making a spectacle of herself. Maybe you should’ve kept that in mind before volunteering her to be a model without her knowledge or consent. Third, she didn’t ensnare anybody, Hikaru. People enjoyed spending time with her, so they did more of it. As people tend to do. Fourth, she does not fucking control the Host Club. We CHOSE to ask her to join us, AS A GROUP I might add. Yes, she’s made changes, and yes, we have lost Ayanokiji as a client. However, they were changes that were long overdue, and I have already told the whole club why Ayanokiji is not welcome, so if you have a problem with that, you can take it up with ME, not Anne.

"Fifth, fuck your ableism, Hikaru. How dare you value Anne less because she is ill, something outside her control, and because she is taking medicine for it. Do you refuse medicine when you’re sick, Hikaru? Do you feel sub-human when you take pain pills or cough syrup? Do you refuse to see a doctor for treatment or diagnosis? Sixth, I don’t know if Anne-senpai would have told us about her diagnosis on her own, but you know what? She doesn’t owe us that information. And knowing Anne, I believe she would have told us. Because that’s just how she is. She’s already told us so much more than basic information. Seventh, you have made it very clear, to her and everyone else, that your life does not revolve around ‘this girl’. You tried to force her into accepting a favor that is totally incompatible with her personality, and she tried to please you. God did she try. But she pushed herself too far for you, and suffered because of it. And you’re going to mock her for her symptoms? Her daily reminders that she is sick and unhealthy? How dare you? How fucking dare you?”

Haruhi squeezed their eyes shut, and swallowed hard. “I…I need a minute before we continue. We are not done here. While I’m gone, why don’t you all decided who will speak next?” They left the room, closing the door behind them. Four speechless boys remained in their wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure when I'll update next. Sorry, folx :/  
> Also, thank @the-wandering-seal for some edits I've made. Typos happen when you post late at night, who knew?


	28. Explain Yourselves, Continued

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyoya speaks. Finally!

Tamaki quietly walked over to where Kyoya was standing, looking over his shoulder as the bespectacled boy made notes in his black book. Kyoya snapped the book shut, turning pointedly to his blonde friend.

He raised an eyebrow in question. “Yes, Tamaki? Is there something I can do for you?”

Tamaki continued to look down, his bangs hiding his eyes. His voice was soft when he spoke. “What Anne said…it doesn’t make sense that you would do that, Kyoya. You don’t…ignore things. You notice everything and you always take action. Doing nothing…it’s not like you.”

Kyoya clenched his jaw. “What are you really trying to say, Tama?”

“Isn’t it obvious? He’s asking what the hell happened, Kyoya. Why didn’t you do anything when you knew Anne was being bullied?”

Kyoya glared at Karou for answering, but Karou maintained steady eye contact, undeterred.

Hikaru seemed determined to remain disagreeable. “Look, it’s not like he was obligated to—”

His twin cut him off, like they had previously done to Anne. “Actually, he was, Hika. That’s exactly what he was. If you know something like that is going down, you do something about it. Even if the only thing you do is tell someone else. You read the notes: you know what Anne was dealing with. A decent fucking human being would have—” 

“Yes, thank you Karou, I believe we understand.” Kyoya struggled to hold on to his cold demeanor.

Tamaki wasn’t having it. “Kyo, I know you. And doing nothing is not like you.”

Briefly, Kyoya contemplated denying his best friend, but that would only lead to more distracting drama. The quickest way out of this unpleasant experience was to simply…explain. 

“I…didn’t believe it.”

Tamaki scrunched up his face in confusion. “What?”

Kyoya took off his glasses to clean them, avoiding looking at any of his companions. “When we met Anne-senpai, I was unaware of the real reason the school allowed her entrance. Therefore, I distrusted her from the beginning—not many people are capable of keeping information from me. I did know her diagnosis, but the fact that Ayanokiji knew more about her and went out of her way to interact with Anne made me suspicious. Haruhi had been targeted by her, but then she became much more invested in Anne. And Anne was so…polite to Ayanokiji. Even after the prank. I wondered if they knew each other, and were pretending otherwise for some nefarious reason. Anne even kept the notes, and confirmed that they were from Ayanokiji.”

Karou shook his head. “None of that suggests that they like each other, Kyoya, especially given that first prank.”

Kyoya would have shrugged, if that was something he did. “Hikaru said it himself: a prank doesn’t need to be mean-spirited. There wasn’t enough proof to support an accusation of bullying, especially because Anne never even confirmed it until today. Why wouldn’t she tell us right away?”

Tamaki placed a hand on Kyoya’s shoulder. “This doesn’t make any sense, Kyo: you just told the twins—”

“I hadn’t worked it out until I saw the notes. Before today, I…had a hunch that Anne might be in trouble, but I didn’t know her well enough to know for certain.”

“So that’s why you agreed her to be part of the Host Club.” All the boys looked up to see Haruhi standing in the doorway, looking calmer than before. “You were keeping her close. Logical, of course.”

Kyoya clenched his hands into fists. “Anne has proven she’s capable of keeping secrets. I…didn’t want her to hurt…” He trailed off, then seemed to gather his bearings. “I am still not convinced she is a positive influence. I stand by my conclusions: they were reasonable for the amount of information I possessed.”

Haruhi nodded, looking disappointed. “Of course.” Admitting he was wrong would have been a sign of weakness to the Ootori.

“I didn’t want to see it.” Tamaki looked down at his hands, ashamed. “If I didn’t notice the signs, I could pretend that Anne was just as fine as she said she was. I could convince myself I was being…dramatic.” One side of his mouth twitched up in a dark smile.

“All we can do now is learn from our mistakes and hope Anne will forgive us, I guess.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This did not go the way I planned! I'm sorry if it doesn't work: I got an idea and decided to run with it because I have no idea where I'll take this story after this. So, I'm updating now and hoping for inspiration in the near future :/  
> Thanks for sticking with me through my unplanned hiatus! Love all y'all! <3


	29. Help Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne goes back to school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is probably out of left field, but I haven't written in forever and I was motivated today and this is what I came up with.

Despite the drama the day before, school still happened on Tuesday. Presumably, it had occurred on Monday too, even though the Host Club hadn’t been there on campus. My parents were wary of sending me back after my breakdown, but I used the logic every student has heard from their parents at some point: the only thing worse than going would be not going. Not that I really believed that; I just knew staying home for a day could too easily turn into a week, then probably homeschooling. 

Honey and Mori escorted me there, of course. I couldn’t tell if that was a permanent change, or they could be persuaded to stop once enough time had passed. I did appreciate having them with me when we entered the main hall.

There were posters everywhere: on the walls, on the floor, in people’s hands. They weren’t all the same: one poster said “New Host Brings Okama!” above a photo of me in the male uniform, chatting with club clients. Another one said “Okama Woman Stalking Schoolgirls?” under a photo of me exiting a women’s restroom. Finally, one picture was just me, as I appeared yesterday at the fashion show. But that was enough.

Whispers surrounded us as we took in the scene. I think Mori was probably about to whisk me away when we all heard “Randall-chan, may I see you in my office?”

 

 _I wish Mori and Honey were here. But I’m also glad they aren’t._ I was sitting in front of the principal’s desk, and she was clearly not happy. “Randall-chan, recently I have been approached about the presence of okama in my school. Of course, I couldn’t believe it, nor could I believe when I was told our very own Host Club was harboring the crossdresser. However, it seems that the rumors are all too true.”

I blinked in confusion. “Sensei, if this is about my wearing the male uniform, I came to you for permission when I began.”

“Yes, but you didn’t tell me that the reason you wanted to do so was to establish a…a drag bar within these walls! In fact, you didn’t give me any reason for your decision.”

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. _I really don’t want to say this._ “I wear the male uniform because my dresses are…no longer serviceable. They’ve been…vandalized past the possibility of use.”

The principal raised one skeptical eyebrow. “Are you accusing another student of damaging your property, Randall-chan? If so, why didn’t you report it at the time of the incident?”

I fidgeted. “There was no evidence of who did it.”

“Meaning, there was no evidence that anyone did it, at all.”

I clenched my fists in my lap. “Sensei, I certainly didn’t cut up my own dresses--”

“So you expect me to simply take your word for it that another Ouran student did, unprovoked? Do you have the name of someone you suspect?”

 _It’s a trap; you can’t prove anything, so don’t tell her. It’ll just get you into deeper trouble._ “No, I don’t, Sensei.”

“Well then, we must put your possible motivation aside and instead focus on the effect of your actions.”

Mentally, my jaw was hanging open. “Sensei, did you see the posters when you came to get me? Shouldn’t some action be taken for those?”

She folded her hands on her desk. “They are being cleaned up as we speak. That is all we can do, as we did not see the perpetrator.”

“Sensei, people have already seen them! Damage has been done! Removing the evidence will not reverse that.”

Sensei narrowed her eyes at me. “You seem very bent on blaming someone for what has happened to you, Randall-chan. Are you not happy at Ouran?”

I took a deep breath. “I don’t feel safe knowing that there is someone here who wants everyone else to believe I’m trying to…I don’t know, sexualize the Host Club.”

“Feeling unsafe is strong language, Randall-chan, especially without any reported attempt at personal harm. And are you denying responsibility for bringing LGBT issues to the Host Club?”

 _I know it’s strong, that’s why I used it!_ “No, but introducing the possibility of LGBT identities to the Host Club does not make it less suitable for teenagers. Being straight isn’t more innocent than being…not.”

Sensei leaned forward, like she was about to share a secret. “Randall-chan, Ouran wants all of its students to succeed. And I gave you the benefit of the doubt when you transferred here, despite your…unconventional background and less-than-impressive academics. However, I think you should consider whether Ouran is the best fit for you. We can only do so much for students who won’t help themselves, especially those who seem to enjoy making it harder to succeed than it needs to be. I will…take your comments under consideration, as long as you promise me to stop sabotaging yourself.”

I don’t know how managed to answer affirmative, but I did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk when I'll update next. Sorry:/ Thanks for reading <3


End file.
